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Thread: Frustrated ENFJ

  1. #111
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    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    My emotions are in Technicolor, and I tend to retreat from people when I'm overloaded because I absorb so much of the people around me, that it can feel schizophrenic and chaotic to the point of me resenting it deeply and wanting to put my head down on my knees and shut the world out.

    I wouldn't call it a chameleon. I wouldn't call it a shape shifter. I *know*, without a doubt, who I am, what I am, what I'm made of. I feel strongly defined *internally*. Externally, there are so many things acting on me, buffeting against me, it feels almost like an autistic who can't screen out stimuli. You learn over time some measure of control, but Rogue can't touch people without absorbing them. That's just the way it is.

    I am so much myself that others can use me as a guide, much like dead reckoning by the stars. I'm not very extroverted, need a lot of alone time and personal space, and can be wracked by endlessly shifting moods (I get that from my INFJ father), but never do I feel as if I am not myself. What becomes the real quandary is where to place myself amidst the turgid wash and flow of souls around me. I'm in a constant state of flux, inside and out, sometimes to degrees I find maddening and upsetting.
    I think that the introversion side of the scale can help me quite a bit. When I am reserved in fact, I do just fine.

    When I say I am not sure who I am, I should clarify- its part of the process of recharging, becoming reacquainted with myself.

    I have an internal self that is static and structurally stable and will withstand the tests of time.

    Problem is, I prefer the outer world. :/ So I have to make myself invert, make myself BE alone, to recharge. And it takes some time getting there mentally, that's all.

    Domino... your metaphors are beautifully precise.

  2. #112
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    Quote Originally Posted by Afkan View Post

    ENFJ Lamenting = Personal Growth Process

    ENFJs like to look at their vulnerabilities and insecurities and weaknesses bc we want to achieve our full potential.

    Self-Actualization! Abraham Maslow--> ENFJ, did you know that?

    Its my understanding that ENFJs aren't seeking pats on the shoulder, we want to share our personal growth with others.

    Our internal dialogue may seem rough to other types but its WHO WE ARE.

    Sure we can mellow out, but we will never be happy or be ourselves or achieve what we want if we are not constantly assessing our personal growth.

    Ever since I can remember, any relationship I've seen as a teacher to student, student to teacher relationship and I find out quickly what I can teach the person and generally what they might teach me (ooh learning... makes me giddy!!!)
    I agree w/ you on the "ENFJs lamenting...." but have you ever noticed an immediate depression coming over you if you spend an extended time looking at vulnerabilities/insecurities? I have noticed w/ myself I can't sit and think alone for too long because I get into a really dark place.

  3. #113
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    Quote Originally Posted by Afkan View Post
    I have read of few pages of replies, but not all. Some are nice and comforting but don't seem to hit the point that maybe only an ENFJ can understand:

    ENFJ is a lonely role. To others we [make sure to] appear shining, bright stars, full of happiness and energy and passion for life & people and motivating and inspiring...

    but sometimes when we are *really* alone with ourselves, we feel like big projection screens, void of our own identity.
    how much do you guys relate to the socionics EIE? ENFj

    EIEs create their moods, more so than some of the other types. We generally tend to behave how those surrounding us expect us to behave. We may keep these appearances for a long time, especially if we join two circles that otherwise do not interact. Members of each circle will think differently of us, depending, in large part, on how they wish to see us. Few people in general know the true face of the EIE, and not all of those close to us necessarily do. It is not that we do not like people or do not want friends; most EIEs just have standards.

    EIE in a good mood is nice and friendly and talkative. Asks many questions, talks whenever the group is silent for too long. Can't handle awkward silence and will say just about anything to end it. This is when they say things that give no information and don't make much sense. But it will serve a purpose as other people will start talking again. They often add short comments when they don't have anything else to say. They can easily make compliments, but those often sound like general impressions of things. "That dress... very cute! " or " Your speech was very... umm... I liked it very much and people were soooo intensely listening.". That's because emotions are often not easy to express with words. Using full sentences is not important to express the emotion. EIEs add emotive phrases, both in real-life conversations and in forum posts and blogs. "Nice!", "...ummm...", "heeeey", "you'know", etc.
    In a bad or average mood EIEs just look very contemplative and serious. EIEs look a bit sad, because they are. One possible explanation to the sad look is that everything they see is just a fraction of what it could be. Everything could have been better if they had just worked harder on it! Everything that we are doing could already be better if we hadn't made any mistakes during the process. Everything that we have done could have been better and everything that we will do could be better. And if we don't do anything, we're wasting time.
    In addition, EIEs are really good at getting into roles and acting like the ones surrounding them want to act. At times, the EIE themselves will not notice this change and may even find it strange or awkward when it is commented on. If EIEs grow up around very tough-minded or moral individuals, they may play the role chosen for them for a number of years, all the while acting differently when the stern individuals are not present. This may be reflected in parents or old friends constantly telling you that you were an angelic child and look what's become of you. While it is true that EIEs cannot stand a long or awkward break in the conversation, years of conditioning may have taught them to tolerate or even appreciate silence. EIEs are also not necessarily outwardly happy or cheery. They can be almost always serious or detached, and may require outward stimuli to relax or loosen up. EIEs perceive the world as constantly changing, oftentimes for the worse. Therefore, society needs a mood killer so that people can finally focus on the problems.

    Regardless, an EIE can be identified by his relationships. EIEs have few truly close friends, with whom they share everything. Their default mood or state most likely reflects their parents ideal of a child. Few people can handle their full intensity and those with weaker constitutions tend to back away. An EIE can act in many different ways, but are usually willing to sell their soul for a friend to dump their problems on, I mean, share the load with.
    I like how socionics Fe has more to do with general moods. Like a Fe person might have to go certain places to do things because they need the mood there to get themselves to want to do it. I liken it to people who cant work/work out/study at home vs the location with the right mood.

  4. #114
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    BBC, I can REALLY relate to that description.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    I agree w/ you on the "ENFJs lamenting...." but have you ever noticed an immediate depression coming over you if you spend an extended time looking at vulnerabilities/insecurities? I have noticed w/ myself I can't sit and think alone for too long because I get into a really dark place.
    It depends. I am usually energized by it.

    Makes me happy, n pretty much gets me out of bed in the morning.

    Stuff that gets me into that dark place you are talking about is stuff that I don't know where its coming from, more like fears, cuz I can't figure out how to deal w/ get past it/ progress.

    But then its a fun puzzle to solve, and the light at the end of the tunnel is enticing...
    I know exactly what you mean though. I hate that dark place.

    Also, stuff that has to do w/ ppl i really care abt, that I can't do anything abt but i'm worried abt them, and can't think of a solution, or know they won't listen to me, that sends me to that dark place and its extra difficult for me to get out of.

  6. #116
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    Babylon, I can relate to some of that. Where did you find that description?
    This description moreso but not all, some is really off.

    ENFjs usually hold their heads up straight, often giving the impression that they are looking above the heads of others. This can lead others to believe that ENFjs are arrogant people. ENFjs clothes are usually badly matched. There is often one particular detail that catches the eye and is completely out of place with the rest. They are well aware of this and therefore pay close attention to their wardrobe and are suspicious of any outside evaluation.

    ENFjs enjoy the company of people who give off plenty of positive emotions. They like and in fact need to laugh in order to discharge the emotional energy that accumulates within. Their own emotions are of a dramatic nature, which they try hard to control. Sometimes, however, ENFjs can unexpectedly explode attracting unwanted attention to themselves.

    ENFjs always warn others about impending trouble. They often dramatise reality a little too much as they seem to see the world in shades of grey. When interacting, they are sometimes parasitic and intrusive with their opinions and comments. ENFjs often express their true opinions during conversation as they find it difficult to keep them to themselves. They will often talk to themselves even if there are many people around.

    ENFjs posses the ability to be great orators as they know how to paint speeches in many colours and how to keep the attention of the listener. Besides containing dramatic emotions, their speeches often contain sharp sarcasm and powerful bitterness. ENFjs know well how to combine humour with tragedy. As a result their narratives are always breathtaking.

    ENFjs are inclined to trust only official published information. However they like gossip and discussing the details of peoples private lives, especially famous people, movie stars etc. ENFjs like to fantasise, often developing the same subject over a period of time. They also have the ability to persuade others that their opinions are right. Their completed projects are global in comparison to what they were when they were began. They have also tendency to create problems where there are not any and moreover to convince others of it.

    ENFjs respect hierarchy and relate to people accordingly. If a person is in a lower position, their interaction can be cold and disrespectful. However, their behaviour towards someone in a higher position than themselves will be tactful and humble. They believe in the concept of leadership and leaders. ENFjs also have tendency to behave aristocratically. They can give the impression that they are from noble families. At the same time they are very polite and correct.

    ENFjs do not like to work if someone is there, observing them. They really do not like others to see how they manage their homes and day to day matters. Because of this they often send other people on missions with various instructions in order to get rid of them so they can work comfortably.

    ENFjs have no problems undertaking very difficult tasks and projects or working long unsociable hours. ENFjs strongly believe that human potential is unlimited. They often believe in a wide range of mystical phenomena, religion, the evil-eye and omens. They like to spend some time alone in order to contemplate life and the role of humans. "To be or not to be" is a question that ENFjs may ask themselves regularly.
    -socionics.com

  7. #117
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    Quote Originally Posted by Afkan View Post
    Babylon, I can relate to some of that. Where did you find that description?
    This description moreso but not all, some is really off.

    -socionics.com

    i wouldnt use that site. I used the wikisocion site.

    (ill respond more later)

  8. #118
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    EIEs create their moods, more so than some of the other types.
    I wish that was better elaborated on. I'm not sure what it means exactly. I *do* know that as I got older, I got less afraid and more jacked into the social structure of whatever realm or space I happened to occupying, and my mood could bring the room up or down, depending on whether I was having a terrible day or having a really good one. There was an ENTP in my social structure who did the same thing. The minute he hit the door, it was like shock paddles to the chest. The place was hopping. My effect was different, weirdly feminine - by that I mean, I seemed to cause internal motion in the female side of my male coworkers. The ENTP caused outward motion, ramped up the electricity just by being present.

    When I was "okay", everyone else - psychically, emotionally - was okay too. There was ease and humor and relaxation.

    When the ENTP was "okay", the physical and mental pace picked up drastically. There was competition, wit and a drive to achieve.

    We generally tend to behave how those surrounding us expect us to behave. We may keep these appearances for a long time, especially if we join two circles that otherwise do not interact. Members of each circle will think differently of us, depending, in large part, on how they wish to see us. Few people in general know the true face of the EIE, and not all of those close to us necessarily do.
    Doesn't everyone have different operational styles to meet certain needs? Just because you wear over-alls to the hoe down, it doesn't mean it isn't YOU in the over-alls. Do you turn your frustrated loud foul sailor mouth loose around your grandma? Do you act more serious around your humorless economics professor?

    I heard a cop say that he was taught the difference between his personal face and his business face at the academy. What you are in essence isn't necessarily packaged to present to the entire world at every minute, nor is it appropriate. Do as the Romans do. Doesn't make you any less real.

    It is not that we do not like people or do not want friends; most EIEs just have standards.
    I do NOT understand this statement.

    EIE in a good mood is nice and friendly and talkative. Asks many questions, talks whenever the group is silent for too long. Can't handle awkward silence and will say just about anything to end it. This is when they say things that give no information and don't make much sense. But it will serve a purpose as other people will start talking again. They often add short comments when they don't have anything else to say. They can easily make compliments, but those often sound like general impressions of things. "That dress... very cute! " or " Your speech was very... umm... I liked it very much and people were soooo intensely listening.". That's because emotions are often not easy to express with words.
    If I see a deep Introvert going down for the count or freezing up, I do offer little prompts or words of encouragement to remove the fear or make the situation seem less frightening or dire. Sometimes a little chit chat, and I don't mean mindless prattle that makes you want to defenestrate yourself, can help someone or even yourself out of a rut. I like to connect people to their words or actions, like they've made an impact on their external environment. I don't do this for everyone. Just those who clearly need evidence of having been there, or having said something of importance.

    Feedback can be a good thing.


    In a bad or average mood EIEs just look very contemplative and serious. EIEs look a bit sad, because they are. One possible explanation to the sad look is that everything they see is just a fraction of what it could be.
    I've been told through out my life that I have a sad face. The head nurse at the hospital, after my dad said, "My daughter is looking better, isn't she?" and she leaned close to my face, said quietly, "She has sad eyes." And then she left.

    I do lament (there's that word) the things I can't get at, the people I can't get at, the things I may never be able to get to or do in my lifetime.

    Everything could have been better if they had just worked harder on it! Everything that we are doing could already be better if we hadn't made any mistakes during the process. Everything that we have done could have been better and everything that we will do could be better. And if we don't do anything, we're wasting time.
    I cried when I got a B in what was to be my perfect straight A report card in 4th grade. My INFJ teacher was beside himself trying to console me.


    EIEs are also not necessarily outwardly happy or cheery. They can be almost always serious or detached, and may require outward stimuli to relax or loosen up. EIEs perceive the world as constantly changing, oftentimes for the worse. Therefore, society needs a mood killer so that people can finally focus on the problems.
    I've been described as a coiled spring. Not to say that I make people tense or walk around ready to jump out of my skin, but I inherited a very deep intensity from my father and it acts on everything I do, even when laughing or telling a joke.

    Regardless, an EIE can be identified by his relationships. EIEs have few truly close friends, with whom they share everything. Their default mood or state most likely reflects their parents ideal of a child. Few people can handle their full intensity and those with weaker constitutions tend to back away. An EIE can act in many different ways, but are usually willing to sell their soul for a friend to dump their problems on, I mean, share the load with.
    I've allowed myself to vampired dry many times. It's a learning process to say no and put yourself first in the right places.

    ENFjs enjoy the company of people who give off plenty of positive emotions. They like and in fact need to laugh in order to discharge the emotional energy that accumulates within. Their own emotions are of a dramatic nature, which they try hard to control. Sometimes, however, ENFjs can unexpectedly explode attracting unwanted attention to themselves.
    Agree.

    ENFjs often express their true opinions during conversation as they find it difficult to keep them to themselves. They will often talk to themselves even if there are many people around.
    hahah, I do talk to myself.

    ENFjs posses the ability to be great orators as they know how to paint speeches in many colours and how to keep the attention of the listener. Besides containing dramatic emotions, their speeches often contain sharp sarcasm and powerful bitterness. ENFjs know well how to combine humour with tragedy. As a result their narratives are always breathtaking.
    I would love to be a writer. I'm too freaked out by crowds to be a public speaker.

    ENFjs like to fantasise, often developing the same subject over a period of time.
    Oh wow, do I do this. I can work an idea or scenario over for hours, days, weeks. Depends on how much detail my Ni can mine and process before the drill bit breaks. My Fe confirms if something "feels" right or not. I keep turning the object of my fascination around and around, looking at it from every angle, in different lights, against different backgrounds, until every last secret is given up. This is something I employ in my writing. How would X hold a pen... how would X say hello... how would X kiss Y... how does X like cold weather... Endless vistas of genesis.


    ENFjs respect hierarchy and relate to people accordingly. If a person is in a lower position, their interaction can be cold and disrespectful. However, their behaviour towards someone in a higher position than themselves will be tactful and humble. They believe in the concept of leadership and leaders. ENFjs also have tendency to behave aristocratically. They can give the impression that they are from noble families. At the same time they are very polite and correct.
    WHAT?

    ENFjs do not like to work if someone is there, observing them.
    ugh! Agreed!

    ENFjs have no problems undertaking very difficult tasks and projects or working long unsociable hours. ENFjs strongly believe that human potential is unlimited. They often believe in a wide range of mystical phenomena, religion, the evil-eye and omens. They like to spend some time alone in order to contemplate life and the role of humans. "To be or not to be" is a question that ENFjs may ask themselves regularly.
    Very agreed.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  9. #119
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    Quote Originally Posted by Afkan View Post
    It depends. I am usually energized by it.

    Makes me happy, n pretty much gets me out of bed in the morning.

    Stuff that gets me into that dark place you are talking about is stuff that I don't know where its coming from, more like fears, cuz I can't figure out how to deal w/ get past it/ progress.

    But then its a fun puzzle to solve, and the light at the end of the tunnel is enticing...
    I know exactly what you mean though. I hate that dark place.

    Also, stuff that has to do w/ ppl i really care abt, that I can't do anything abt but i'm worried abt them, and can't think of a solution, or know they won't listen to me, that sends me to that dark place and its extra difficult for me to get out of.
    Actually that makes a lot of sense. I probably give myself unrealistic goals and expectations so when I realize that I am unable to accomplish them, it makes me go down a dark road.

  10. #120
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    I generally feel like a dark entity most of the time. This is not to say that I walk around brooding all the time, but well. It's difficult to describe. There's my usual darkness, and then there's wrack and ruin when I'm deeply troubled or upset. One is normal operation, one is a desperate state.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

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