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Thread: Frustrated ENFJ

  1. #91
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Holding back is all I do. I cut loose and get slapped with a strait jacket.

    Sandra Bullock said one of the reasons she married Jesse was because he wasn't afraid of her. She's INFJ and he seems ESFP. I immediately related to what she meant.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  2. #92
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    Holding back is all I do. I cut loose and get slapped with a strait jacket.

    Sandra Bullock said one of the reasons she married Jesse was because he wasn't afraid of her. She's INFJ and he seems ESFP. I immediately related to what she meant.
    Thank you! although I lean towards extrovert for her. I've read a quite a few interviews and she says things that makes me think she's and extrovert.

    I read this one a couple of weeks ago: Sandra Bullock | Parade.com

    And this one earlier this year: She's Strong, She's Sexy, She's Sandra Bullock: Magazine: glamour.com
    She appeared in the doorway, a tornado of light, energy and happiness, and said, “Hi, I’m Sandy; come on in!” She made me feel so comfortable: We sat down, bantered back and forth, and found we had the exact same sense of humor—somehow the word vagina came out of my mouth within the first five minutes, and Sandy busted up laughing. She talked to me as if I’d known her for years, mentioning her husband, Jesse [James, founder of a custom motorcycle company], as if we were picking up a conversation from the week before. I drove home, called the film’s producers and said, “I love her—I hope she feels the same.”

    If we came across a scene that wasn’t working, she would sit at the monitor, trying to figure it out with every ounce of her being. If you talked about something you liked, the next day she’d find it for you. I mentioned this antique ring I had that once belonged to a woman during World War II. She tracked down a necklace from that time period and gave it to me. I thought, Who does that? But it’s not about the gifts—she pays attention to the people around her. Sandy loves her job but is not defined by it.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  3. #93
    Glycerine
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    aww I think I can be a bit too intense for people also. People around me We all have our quirks.

  4. #94
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    I'm still defining if i'm ENFJ or not and why, but your sentiment to start this thread is further swaying to me. I often find myself toning down intensity or banishing it to certain forms of indirect expression (even if such expressions are publicly available).
    The reasons i've found a lack of clarity is because of the positive characteristics associated with ENFJ at first glance. It makes it sound as if our desire to care is all-encompassing and i can't swallow that whole. I don't care about the vast majority of people, but those that i do have my full focus. The main times i find fault and really withdraw is when i'm found to be too intense in some way.
    Hm.

    Regardless of personality type discussion that i have a ways to go before really grasping, i find that intense people need to find the joy in their own intensity. It may come equipped with a strong desire for acceptance, but a lack of it is merely a loss for others. There can be a lot to be proud of in being viewed as "Too" something. Analyze why you can be overwhelming and the purpose of it and how it could benefit.. then embrace it if you can.

  5. #95
    Babylon Candle Venom's Avatar
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    I actually remember telling this to someone over a year ago:

    "if i could weed out people that are not friend/SO material using one criteria: Can they handle my intensity?"

    I actually think part of why I acted somewhat introverted in high school and college is that so many people didnt respond well to my intensity. I decided to only show it to people that I knew could handle it (less than 10 people/my good friends). I did let myself go wild when on stage or presenting though. I loved theatric outlets. It was the one place I was appreciated for intensity. Secondly, kids love intensity. It helps them view whatever you are doing as "more fun".

  6. #96
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    An ENFJ recently came at my sister (when I wasn't there - because if I had been, I would have come at him with my horns lowered) and I was so astonished by this guy's meanness and hostage-taking that it drew me up. I suddenly saw this behavior in glaring Technicolor, and thought "is this what people are talking about when they talk about ENFJ-Gone-Bad behavior?" It was really horrible. I've never in my life done that to anyone and could not conscience doing it, and it just made me want to tear my hair out, like "Thanks for the further bad advertising, man!"

    Plus, you don't mess with my sister. I mean it. Don't be turning that Fe-bludgeon on my sister or you'll get my business end in a hurry. It offended me.

    Consider me super frustrated now.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  7. #97
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    i would love to be an enfj! no doubt about it! do i have what it takes, is all i ask?

    i love enfj characters in movies and novels, my favorite, especially romantic novels. i generally feel a sympathetic response to male enfjs, they are so sympathetic to me!

    maybe i've got the vibes wrong however. maybe i am the enfj and project my own feelings on to others, i can't see the forest for the trees and then there's so much chatter?

    tell me in a word or two how enfj and infj differ and i may well have solved the riddle of my own typology.

  8. #98
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Intense people are the BEST! That's part of why I like ENFJs.
    Oh, I so agree! I love intense people, and the more different and quirky the better. I agree with Udog that they need to be cut some slack in some areas (don't we all need that) for all the other good, kind things they do for people. And, for all their incredible energy.

  9. #99
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    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    There *is* no upshot. There really really isn't.

    You will always be too intense. Too isolated. Too "much". Too solitary. You're none of the ESFJ good things, you're none of the INFJ good things.

    Enjoy your shock collar.
    I have read of few pages of replies, but not all. Some are nice and comforting but don't seem to hit the point that maybe only an ENFJ can understand:

    ENFJ is a lonely role. To others we [make sure to] appear shining, bright stars, full of happiness and energy and passion for life & people and motivating and inspiring...

    but sometimes when we are *really* alone with ourselves, we feel like big projection screens, void of our own identity.

  10. #100
    Senior Member Robert165's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Afkan View Post
    I have read of few pages of replies, but not all. Some are nice and comforting but don't seem to hit the point that maybe only an ENFJ can understand:

    ENFJ is a lonely role. To others we [make sure to] appear shining, bright stars, full of happiness and energy and passion for life & people and motivating and inspiring...

    but sometimes when we are *really* alone with ourselves, we feel like big projection screens, void of our own identity.
    i think you have to learn to calm down then and regualte your emotions/intensity a bit. i'm a lot more mellow than i used to be and a lot happier and i no longer overwhelm people.
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/robert165/

    I'm just trying to do this Jigsaw puzzle, before it rains anymore.

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