[INFJ] Where to find an INFJ?

[jenocyde]

I would've gotten bored long ago, naturally, except that I've had two relationships and multiple crushes in the interim. It just keeps coming back to him.

We just spent an entire weekend together, though, and I'm trying to figure out if I should give him a kick in the pants or just let it happen when it happens. But the above remarks have made me scared that that might be never, if I don't say/do something.

Make your move! I have an INFJ (male) friend who has been obsessed with this one girl for years. He had a chance but never spoke up and so she started dating someone else. He's been waiting on the sidelines (celibate) for all this time. Well, she just got engaged this past week.

I'm convinced that if you don't do something, it will never happen. (but it worries me about a future with them, though - do they ever take initiative for other things in life???)

 

[violaine]

I'm starting to wonder if there is quite a difference between INFJ men and women. I could never hang back and do nothing if I felt strongly for someone. Even when it is in my best interests to hang back.

EDIT: Though perhaps it is less INFJ related than it is related to shyness/anxiety?

 

[cascadeco]

Ah, herein lies the difference. INFJs see that there are different ways that it could turn out and want to lie dormant until the probable outcome becomes clear. ENTPs see the possibilities and want to jump in and try some of them out. Maybe it's that you guys trust your instincts more, whereas I want to collect data to back up my hypotheses.

This is why dating is so challenging for me. I don't want to rush into things, and am not in any hurry at all, and then I seem like a bizarre person when I'm not wanting to do something more than once a week, and am the one pulling the reins (because frankly I DON'T know early on whether I really see the potential or not, so I don't want to lead the guy on when ultimately I'm not sure about things yet) and the guy's just left going.... But..with the rare exception (and they're oh so rare), I 'know' right from the get-go that I really like the guy and want to pursue him. This probably means that I shouldn't even be trying with the former ones..the ones I lack that initial clarity with..but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt I guess. And, don't want to overlook something based on potentially inaccurate initial impressions.

 

[jenocyde]

I don't plan ahead. I'm not thinking about the "right" guy or "wrong" guy - I just want to get to know people and have fun. Whatever will unfold, will unfold regardless - you just can plan chemistry. The last thing I will do is sit around thinking about one man that I don't even know.

Also, if you are not aggressively in my face, I will forget about you. This goes for friends and family, too.

 

[Wyst]

This is why dating is so challenging for me. I don't want to rush into things, and am not in any hurry at all, and then I seem like a bizarre person when I'm not wanting to do something more than once a week, and am the one pulling the reins (because frankly I DON'T know early on whether I really see the potential or not, so I don't want to lead the guy on when ultimately I'm not sure about things yet)

I can really relate to this.

Part of the pulling the reigns in is because I don't want to freak the other person out with how much I'm interested, for fear that I'll frighten her off. I have the potential to be extremely intense - which might get me in to trouble when I'm not sure what I think/feel about the girl yet.

 

[cascadeco]

Also, if you are not aggressively in my face, I will forget about you. This goes for friends and family, too.

Yeah...that's something that isn't even my style. I don't desire to be aggressively in anybody's face.

So I imagine some INFJ/ENTP's would be a great match, others not as much. But that goes with any type combo, really. Depends on the individual and what both seek out of a partner.

 

[jenocyde]

Yeah...that's something that isn't even my style. I don't desire to be aggressively in anybody's face.

So I imagine some INFJ/ENTP's would be a great match, others not as much. But that goes with any type combo, really. Depends on the individual and what both seek out of a partner.

I don't mean that someone has to pester me, but if you have strong romantic inclinations that you are holding back, then yea, it's probably not a good match at all. Spontaneity is key for me, even if it means that I have to deal with emotional displays... I just don't get how you can possibly know if you like someone unless you spend time with them, you know what I mean?

 

[cascadeco]

Very true - spending time with the person is key.

That said, I think the thing that perplexes others is that I require time to myself to think about things - ponder my feelings, think about the other person, where I see the relationship going, etc etc. Basically people don't get it that I need time to let things sift through my brain. So this might mean not seeing the other person as much as the other person would like, or as often. And that can make for some tricky/awkward conversations. I want to clarify though that this tends to be just in the early stages of dating. Once I'm in a relationship, it starts to become a non-issue.

In early stages, I don't do spontaneity terribly well, and it can be hard for me to just 'let go' and roll with it and just see where the relationship goes of its own accord -- it boils down to the fact that I take these things seriously, so it can be hard for me to just have 'fun' with a person when my mind automatically projects far into the future. I do it in spurts, but in the end I always need to fall back into my internal world to assess everything and really take a step back and, well, analyze the relationship. Basically, I require that - I might be able to push it back for a while, but I always end up having to go there. So it's that needed alone time - which would be pulling the reins, I suppose - that I think people find confusing. And perhaps understandably so.

 

[gloomy-optimist]

This topic made me think of some sort of Pokemon advice thing..."how do I find the rare and elusive infjmon?"


Honestly, I don't think anyone would be able to "spot" me straight out. I hang out in normal places, and I'm really not all that shy, quiet, or mysterious in appearance. I'd say you'd have to get to know one before you can really tell.

 

[marmandahalf]

This topic made me think of some sort of Pokemon advice thing..."how do I find the rare and elusive infjmon?"


Honestly, I don't think anyone would be able to "spot" me straight out. I hang out in normal places, and I'm really not all that shy, quiet, or mysterious in appearance. I'd say you'd have to get to know one before you can really tell.

That's part of what makes them so elusive. They're hard to type.

 

[Phantonym]

as for infjs, they're in the library aile behind you... watching

You make us sound like we're Peeping Toms. Oh wait...yeah, you're probably right

 

[jenocyde]

Well, my dude watched me for months before I even knew he existed. So yeah, peeping tom sounds about right...

 

[Phantonym]

That's part of what makes them so elusive. They're hard to type.

Really? I feel like I'm wearing this huge blinking sign - INFJ - on me. And I'm not deliberately trying to advertise it.

Well, from my perspective. Ever since I discovered MBTI and socionics, I've dabbled a little in typing others. And I haven't really got into it that thoroughly. I don't even care if I'm right or not because I'm not really doing anything with that information but to entertain myself. I'm often correct (I've asked people to take the test).

And here's where my paranoia kicks in. If others are not so difficult to type, I must be sticking out like a sore thumb to people who are familiar with personality types.

 

[marmandahalf]

Really? I feel like I'm wearing this huge blinking sign - INFJ - on me. And I'm not deliberately trying to advertise it.

Well, from my perspective. Ever since I discovered MBTI and socionics, I've dabbled a little in typing others. And I haven't really got into it that thoroughly. I don't even care if I'm right or not because I'm not really doing anything with that information but to entertain myself. I'm often correct (I've asked people to take the test).

And here's where my paranoia kicks in. If others are not so difficult to type, I must be sticking out like a sore thumb.

I think it's partly the I thing. It's difficult, as an E, to remember that everyone else isn't necessarily saying everything that pops into their head.

 

[Into It]

dress up anime convention/library

 

[marmandahalf]

dress up anime convention/library

The anime nerds I've known have been INTJs.

 

[jenocyde]

The anime nerds I've known have been INTJs.

 

[tibby]

Where are the easiest places to spot an INFJ? Do they tend to congregate in certain areas?

We arrange to howl to the full moon and have psychedelic forest parties.

I think... You'll do best when you caught them off guard - doing whatevs (listening to their iPods, sitting in the park, bus, library, walking in the street, running their errands), just when they're alone and in the thinking mode. Cause that's when the face says it. Look for the concentrated yet absent-minded, looking nowhere and paying no attention to their surroundings vibe with a serious expression and soft, relaxed, receptive, deep eyes. (Or some shit )

We're aliens but we do our best to hide it.

 

[Skyward]

We arrange to howl to the full moon and have psychedelic forest parties.

I think... You'll do best when you caught them off guard - doing whatevs (listening to their iPods, sitting in the park, bus, library, walking in the street, running their errands), just when they're alone and in the thinking mode. Cause that's when the face says it. Look for the concentrated yet absent-minded, looking nowhere and paying no attention to their surroundings vibe with a serious expression and soft, relaxed, receptive, deep eyes. (Or some shit )

We're aliens but we do our best to hide it.

QFT for all of it!

The only trouble is how do you APPROACH them without ruining your chance? I sure as heck don't want to be suddenly accosted on my meditation walks! Maybe if you catch me at a grocery store or bookstore. I tend to meet some of the coolest people in bookstores like Borders or Barnes & Noble.

It takes a lot of EJ determination, ENP insight, and a lot of ISJ patience to turn a chance encounter with an INFJ into anything meaningful.

 

[jenocyde]

It takes a lot of EJ determination, ENP insight, and a lot of ISJ patience to turn a chance encounter with an INFJ into anything meaningful.

I hope it's worth the effort... what exactly are you bringing to the table??