I'm also the same way when it comes to relationships. The reluctance to "take things slow and see how it goes". It's as if I use a threshold. Rather extreme, but I feel that it'll either work or not work. And if it doesn't feel like it'll work out, I'd rather cut it off right off the bat. I dislike wasting time and energy... especially since I tend to invest so much in a relationship. To invest into it and then have to withdraw from it hurts too much. It's self protection really.
Protection for both parties. I'm absolutely ABHOR the thought of hurting another
Originally Posted by cascadeco
haha...sorry about wigging you out.
As for the bolded...what I mean by my thinking I'm totally clueless and inept at dating is that I think the way dating is 'supposed' to work, or the way most people seem to approach it, is to take things day by day, in stride, be more lowkey and less serious about all of it, at least initially. I think that's how it works, as a social/cultural thing. But I cannot seem to operate that way - the whole 'let's have fun'/ 'let's be mellow'/'let's see where this takes us' approach is not natural to me -- because I DO approach the dating thing rather seriously. It's not even like I'm uber-serious on my dates, because I'm able to joke around and present a more mellow demeanor, and can get along pretty well, at least on the surface, with most people. The thing is, is that I've only had a few 'BAD' dates - most guys I go out with would probably think the date went really well, as I can keep the conversation going reasonably well and like to get to know people, and probably put the guys at ease. But the entire time I'm analyzing the potential, and even if the date, by definition, might go fine, I might have zero interest in them as a longterm partner...and that goes for beyond the first date, too.
I'm always looking more longterm, and dating just seems to be all about the short term and being in the moment. I cannot 'just have fun'. It has to have a lot more to it than that. I guess I just don't see a point in dating anyone or being in a relationship of any sort if I don't see a really longterm possibility. How does one date and get to know someone, and try to enjoy the moment, without projecting too far ahead (which is what dating is really all about), when one cannot easily do that and one naturally looks longterm? It's a conundrum..which is why I say I am inept at it. I just seem to approach all of it very differently from most people, and end up feeling like an uptight, serious stick in the mud. Or something.
(but my usual qualification - on the maybe 3 times in my life that I've met people who I've instantaneously gotten a great vibe from, and KNEW I wanted to pursue, without question, a lot of this was a non-issue, and if anything I was the opposite, and I fell head over heels far too soon.)
So I'm taking this to PM's now, I've been derailing this thread long enough
To die would be an awfully big adventure - Peter Pan