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  1. #141
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    I completely get him
    Well?? Please explain because this is driving me insane. He just would not tell me why he was so shocked. I get the feeling that he's writing me off because of it, and that's fine, but I just want to understand...

  2. #142
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmandahalf View Post
    I've decided that INFJs are needlessly complicated romantically. I'm just going to be a crazy bunny lady (I'm allergic to cats) and then die alone. This is all.
    I'm allergic to cats, but also allergic to responsibility - so no bunnies for me... And we all die alone, so whatever. Such is life.

  3. #143
    Senior Member MrME's Avatar
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    jeno, possibly one of two things, but these are only guesses.

    1) When you told him you had other plans, he jumped to the conclusion that he had done something wrong (like saying he thinks ENTPs are flaky) and alienated you.

    2) He was expecting to hang-out all day, and you "confirmed" his "flaky" opinion of ENTPs by telling him you had other plans for the day.

    I would lean more toward #1 than #2. But, again, these are guesses based only on my own experiences.
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  4. #144
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Well?? Please explain because this is driving me insane. He just would not tell me why he was so shocked. I get the feeling that he's writing me off because of it, and that's fine, but I just want to understand...
    Well you said he had been watching you for months. And after the party you attended, you were all he could talk about afterwards. This says to me that you were on his radar big time. And he has already begun to try to figure out what kind of person you are before ever speaking to you. So you two play tennis and he has a great time. He is thinking "Maybe she is as awesome as I imagined!" He wants to continue hanging out with you. Then you drop the bomb: you made other plans. He is crushed. He feels like you are leaving him behind and wonders if this is your usual M.O.

    But fear not. I doubt you are completely written off. Just talk to him some more and make yourself available to reassure him.

  5. #145
    Senior Member MrME's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    But fear not. I doubt you are completely written off. Just talk to him some more and make yourself available to reassure him.
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  6. #146
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrME View Post
    jeno, possibly one of two things, but these are only guesses.

    1) When you told him you had other plans, he jumped to the conclusion that he had done something wrong (like saying he thinks ENTPs are flaky) and alienated you.

    2) He was expecting to hang-out all day, and you "confirmed" his "flaky" opinion of ENTPs by telling him you had other plans for the day.

    I would lean more toward #1 than #2. But, again, these are guesses based only on my own experiences.
    totally agree here, and with lauren.

    cept also--he was soooooo into you, and definitely kept his agenda open for all day, probably optimistically hoping and planning things might run into dinner, so since you didn't show the same hope or plan, that shows him right there you're coming at feelings/intent from a completely different angle, that you already don't like him as much as he likes you (assumption, i know), and tells him it's already hard and you've only done one thing together.

    why didn't you leave your evening open? is that a p thing or what? i would always leave an evening open if i was intrigued by the person. in hopes..........

    that's how i'd feel. but i'm not a guy.

    is he hot? did you feel any physical attraction?
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  7. #147
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrME View Post
    1) When you told him you had other plans, he jumped to the conclusion that he had done something wrong (like saying he thinks ENTPs are flaky) and alienated you.

    2) He was expecting to hang-out all day, and you "confirmed" his "flaky" opinion of ENTPs by telling him you had other plans for the day.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    He feels like you are leaving him behind and wonders if this is your usual M.O.
    Well, this is completely unexpected. He gave me no indication that he was even interested in me to begin with - I had to call him, I had to arrange a date - so I thought that he may be feeling too much pressure or that I was coming on too strong, so I made a short no-pressure date. And I hate doing food things with people since I eat almost nothing that is served in restaurants... So I thought I was doing a good thing by letting him off the hook.

    And now, because he's so damn fragile, I have to take the initiative to call him again and arrange something else, or at least explain myself, or else it'll be another few months before we meet again...

  8. #148
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Well, this is completely unexpected. He gave me no indication that he was even interested in me to begin with - I had to call him, I had to arrange a date - so I thought that he may be feeling too much pressure or that I was coming on too strong, so I made a short no-pressure date.
    He just needed you to make the first move. But I don't see anywhere you came on too strong.

  9. #149
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aphrodite-gone-awry View Post
    why didn't you leave your evening open? is that a p thing or what? i would always leave an evening open if i was intrigued by the person. in hopes..........

    that's how i'd feel. but i'm not a guy.

    is he hot? did you feel any physical attraction?
    I never leave my evenings open. It's just how I am. Even after dinner and dancing at 4am, I still have other plans. I always have other plans.

    And also, I don't desire to plan all night with a man I barely know. If he wants to get to know me, there's always the next date. If I don't pace myself with a person, then I may end up crashing and burning.

    Yes, he is fantastically hot. That's another reason why I shut things down quickly. My spontaneity can lead down a dangerous path and I sincerely want to get to know him better.

  10. #150
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    I never leave my evenings open. It's just how I am. Even after dinner and dancing at 4am, I still have other plans. I always have other plans.
    wow.

    And also, I don't desire to plan all night with a man I barely know. If he wants to get to know me, there's always the next date. If I don't pace myself with a person, then I may end up crashing and burning.
    i hear you, but all night isn't really dinner. and i agree about pacing.

    Yes, he is fantastically hot. That's another reason why I shut things down quickly. My spontaneity can lead down a dangerous path and I sincerely want to get to know him better.
    suhweet! i bet he'll work up the nerve, after he licks his wounds (haha) and you'll be hearing from him......we'll see!
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