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  1. #11
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    Aw, OP, you seem to be one of those many INFPs I have seen who ends up squished under an ENFJs thumb. I have noticed among my friends and family member that the right kind of INFP often gets completely emotionally plowed over by the ENFJ in their lives. Dominant Fi and dominant Fe are very different. It can be incredibly hurtful for Fi to feel as though they're not being listened to and Fe can often seem as though it's serving some sort of emotional agenda, but it's not. Fe-Ni doesn't often realise when it's hurting someone. Let your ENFJ friends know how you feel. Cite examples of their behaviour and then (this is what usually does the job) tell them you don't want to see them for a while. Nothing snaps an Fe user to attention better than the threat of being removed from a community.

  2. #12
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    I have a theory (ENFJ's correct if I'm wrong). ENFJ's are nice to everyone, not because they are "fake" but because they just have a need for harmony. actually, INFP's are not so different. I have been accused of being "too nice". It's really hard for me to be rude or even not nice, even to people I don't know. Is that fake? No, it just means I value repsect for others and don't want to create disharmony. The difference between that and an ENF is that ENF's are extroverts, so they actively seek to be nice to others, as opposed to INF;s, who don't go around with a smiley face all the time, but who are usually nice to everyone on principle.

    now, as for how to know "when an ENFJ REALLY likes you", I think the answer is, do they allow themselves to be vulnerable around you? do they talk about their personal feelings and personal history? if so, I think that means they trust you and consider you close to them.

  3. #13

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    Not to speak for all ENFJs (but for most in general), we ENFJs do truly desire harmony. It's something that we need, and we might fly off a handle sometimes when there's a "discordant chord," so to speak, constantly being banged.

    Bearette is correct. We actively pursue a route of friendly interaction for growth. That said, we are not always so easy to open, compared to other extraverts. We require some trust and safety before we fully open all of ourselves. It helps if it helps you grow.

    Any personality type can use their gifts for ill will though. Just a thought.
    "In the end it is not a matter of reason; it is a matter of love." - St. Thomas More

  4. #14
    Senior Member chris1207's Avatar
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    It really makes me sad that there are so many topics about INFP's not understanding ENFJ's and feeling hurt. I think that INFP's are awesome and are amongst my top 3 faves. It's almost like I feel somewhat responsible for my ENFJ brethren. How old are these ENFJ's btw?

    I find that as I mature I've toned down my Fe "blanket" that doesn't say anything that could possibly be construed as something that creates social discord. It's funny really. One of the main reasons why this has occurred is because, for one reason or another, I developed the occasional nervous twitch. I've never had anyone point it out and I've checked in the mirror, but I don't think it's at all noticeable. I can feel it though and as a result began avoiding a lot of the eye contact and thus general responsiveness to people I used to have. This has become something really excellent for me because I feel so much more able to express myself and don't feel suppressed by their presence.
    I only really use Fe as defined by this topic with people that I don't know that I have to deal with, now. It's been such a liberating process. I've even begun enjoying being a smart-ass on occasion.

    This year has been a major one for me, in terms of emotional growth.
    "... you think deeply about stuff [that] nobody cares about and hardly anybody can understand you." ~ Peguy talking about Ni users. So true.

  5. #15

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    I agree. I love INFPs ...they're mysterious and just so intriguing. I just wish they'd not hide so much!

    We ENFJs DO care!
    "In the end it is not a matter of reason; it is a matter of love." - St. Thomas More

  6. #16
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ENFJ_Catholic View Post
    I just wish they'd not hide so much!
    How mysterious could they be if they did that?
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  7. #17

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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    How mysterious could they be if they did that?
    Let's see if I can approach this from an NT POV...

    Mysterious has an end, just like a mystery book that obviously has an conculsion, a resolution of what was the mystery. If INFPs remain this unsolved mystery...they do become a vainless search for NF wonder.

    Not that you would understand these "head-in-the-clouds," "pie-in-the-sky" hopes of having both mystery and comfort all at once.

    As an ENFJ, I like constructs, comforts, and having things settled. The INFP helps me be more mysterious...jumping outside the Judging that I might lean on too much. When they use the NF, it usually helps to meet me where I am.

    Is that enough justification for my problems with INFPs? It's just role-reversal of what problematic ENFJs have caused INFPs for years.

    Relationships weren't build to be easy.
    "In the end it is not a matter of reason; it is a matter of love." - St. Thomas More

  8. #18
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    ^^I gotcha . I was just kidding around, but I see that you didn't take it as such. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  9. #19
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chris1207 View Post
    It really makes me sad that there are so many topics about INFP's not understanding ENFJ's and feeling hurt.
    Yeah, but remember, EVERYONE hurts our feelings
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  10. #20
    Senior Member The Grand Chameleon's Avatar
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    I care about my ENFJ friends, but on the flipside, the "me" they care about probably doesn't even exist. The "me" they know is just a scapegoat they created to leech good feelings off. Frustrating to no end.
    Batman once told me, "it's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you." Your ENFJ friends are most likely basing their image of you off of how you carry yourself around them. You might feel differently than they see, but it doesn't mean they are wrong about you. You may both be right; in a more intense 1v1 setting that they don't see, the you in your mind may show, while with them the "me" you describe may come on strong.

    (Rhetorical, not directed specifically at you) If there is an "infinite" to you that no one seems to get, what are the chances of you understanding infinite as well? It's important to know yourself before telling others how correct they might be in assessing you.
    "In the game of chess, you can never let your opponent see your pieces."

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