So today at work I was talking to an INFX, who has provided consultancy services for the research project I'm managing, about a mutual acquaintance/colleague who is INFJ. Our conversation went something like this:
INFX: I don't know how we are going to handle payment?
Me: I actually don't know either. I don't even know how much you cost!
INFX: [The INFJ] handled it last year, I think.
Me: I know. We could ask him how to do it-
INFX: -and he'd tell us, but-
Me: -he's too nice for his own good. *sad head shake*
INFX: He is! I'd rather not contribute to the exploitation.
Me: I can understand that. I'll talk to the secretary and get back to you.
The exchange impels me to finally post some questions I've been bouncing around in my head for a while. The questions are directed to those INFJs (and other Fs) about whom the same could be said - that you are too nice for your own good:
Give me insight: What makes you go out of your way to service others? What is going through your head in the situations where you end up (either more or less voluntarily) being taken advantage of? Why don't you set reasonable boundaries?
Give me advice: As someone who both is naturally oblivious to non-verbal signals from others and also innocently assumes that others, like me, mean yes when they say yes and no when they say no, how do I avoid unintentionally imposing on you? (See this crazy exchange (in the second half of the post) for an example.) Obviously I can try to think twice about whether a request is reasonable or a proposal advantageous to you, but what about the cases where only you have enough information to say (i.e. because only you know how much time it will take or how much something is worth to you)?
To be explicit, I'm especially thinking of professional relations.