First I will say that I am not posting this as a provocation I am really interested in this topic. Also I know that Fs and Ts are very wide groups. So I will generalize. SFs are free to join the party as well.
In many threads around this forum I have seen that NF claim soimething that goes in this direction and that they understand.
For example typical claim is that we don't understand our own feelings.
But in almost all cases you are "attacking" our feeling side or you just place focus on it. While you tend to overlook/ignore out thinking side on regular basis. Only if we have something interesting and/or controversial to show you will pay more attention.
But in general you are not too interested in our thinking side and even if you are you are still more interested in our feelings.
So I would really like to read your comments about this.
On the other hand how can you fully understand someone if you "ignore" the largest part of them? So even if you understand our feelings you can't clearly understand how they are related to our thinking side. What means that you don't understand much actually.
In real life it happened plenty of times that NFs are projecting their emotion on me since it seems logical that I am feeling the same as they do.
So when I say that they are wrong I get accused that I am lying to them and myself.
This does not happen always but it is not that much unusual. But if I start to explain myself I get something like "You need professional help."
However I admit that when it comes to me personally that is not so crazy idea.
Is it that really that hard to accept that a person does not feel over some period of time? (if we take classical everyday definition of feelings)
i really like that you had the guts to start this thread. i deal with this with my husband all the time, unfortunately. he is intj, but with very strong 'Se' tendencies, so it's kinda like he's ixtj, but identifies more closely with the intj archetype.
anyway, he does all of his processing internally in a logical fashion. he can arrive at the same place i will arrive, like, hours, months, or even years before i get there because i like to sift everything through my F to see how things feel--how i feel about a situation. however, because of my strong Fe, i can see when something bothers him or doesn't sit right with him, and THAT bothers me, even if it might just be a mild annoyance to him. you see, i
don't know if it's a mild annoyance for him, or a huge annoyance for him because he chooses to keep it inside and deal with it on his own, or bury it until he blows. because i don't want to deal with occasional (or potential) blow-ups, i therefore put him through the INQUISITION. haha. you guys know what an nf inquisition is, right?
during said inquisition, i KNOW that if we can just get to the root or heart of the problemo, namely what's causing him to be annoyed, we can identify and talk about the problem, and then solve the problem. but during this digging-for-his-feeling session, he gets frustrated, which makes me frustrated, and i might jump to conclusions about what is bothering him and might JUDGE his feelings (because i'm a j?), which irritates him, and makes him feel like his feelings are wrong and that i am laying blame. (which i am?) but know i shouldn't. perhaps, as i'm writing this, NT guys wouldn't have this problem as much with 'p' girls?
during the inquisition, the suggestion to attend therapy is usually thrown in the mix (by me) at the height of my frustration with him for not being able to know his feeling about said thing, or my perception that he doesn't want to delve or understand that this issue might be unfair to me. to which he says he's not the one with the problem, and that if i want to go to therapy, go ahead.
finally, when we are both worn out and on the verge of a big, crying (on my end) fight, something gives and he says, "that's what i said from the beginning." or, "why was it so impotant to 'air' those feelings?" and i stammer, "um, because it's just good for me to know what's going on in you head. otherwise i don't know." or "i dunno, i just want to hear what you're feeling."
but secretly, i admire that he can apply logical thinking, and still function without always accessing how he 'feels' about things. he pretty much indulges me in my nf fantasies and feelings, for the most part.
on the other hand, i'm in sync inside and out, and i've read intj are more likely to suffer from alcohol and drug abuse. and i wonder if it's not due to some of that repressed feeling business.......?
hope this was helpful. i hate feeling like i've ranted for no reason.
)
thumbs up to the inquisition lol
