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  1. #1
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    Default ENFP in need of peer help

    Do any of you all have problems with being a douchebag, or some other form of aggrivating other people? Am I the only one? How can I fix myself?

    (I moved this from the private forum)

  2. #2
    Senior Member professor goodstain's Avatar
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    No, you are not alone. Has to do with type only in that you could fake like you're an ENFJ for a while. Try it Not bein sarcastic here. Hell, i even fake i'm an ENFP sometimes to curb the situation. IMO
    everyone uses every function about evenly. take NE for example. if there are those who don't use it much, then why are there such massive amounts of people constantly flowing through Wallmart with 20 items or less?

  3. #3
    Phoenix Incarnate Sentura's Avatar
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    i had when i was younger... to some extent, it has persisted (i'm sure others here will agree). i think it has to do with the general thing that there is too much focus on things that other people don't care about. a good quick solution is to become your own voice silencer. be quiet when you want to speak and choose your words when you have to. it definitely helps.
    i hunt INXPs for bounty
    FUNCTION ORDER FOR THOSE THAT CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHAT ENXP MEANS: Ne > Ni > Fi=Ti > *

    ...people tell me i have wildfires in my eyes

  4. #4
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    Thanks The hard part is being quiet, but not appearing cold. I have actually tried this, with success, but I appeared negative and cold to others, so how can you do this?
    Last edited by Roflcopter; 05-19-2009 at 08:59 PM. Reason: Removed the quote, it was unneeded :)

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Roflcopter View Post
    Thanks The hard part is being quiet, but not appearing cold. I have actually tried this, with success, but I appeared negative and cold to others, so how can you do this?
    In function terms, I guess this is the common phenomenon of Ne overshadowing Fi.

    If you can't listen to the other person without them giving the impression that you're not listening, start by actually paying attention to them. Then, practice mirroring their movements and facial expressions, nodding in agreement, and so on. These tend to serve as connection points in conversations with others. After a while, you'll find that it actually comes naturally and isn't forced or fake. You'll move on to attempting to understand their emotional state or point of view and, after a while, it too will come more naturally to you.

    You'll genuinely be listening and actually connecting with them.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    I don't know how you would fix this. It's difficult because I need to leave the room in order to process my emotions separately before I can provide a reasonable response but I rarely get that luxury. I usually end up doing the ENFP flip out where I say way hurtful things that I shouldn't have said.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Into It's Avatar
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    I am surprised you say that you appeared negative and cold. You are probably wrong about this, unless they specifically told you so. The ENFP can show a good deal of nonverbal interest and emotion, so we appear warm naturally, even without words. The ENFP has massive cognitive and innovative power at his disposal, so be Quiet! Calm! Choose your words carefully before you say them. You will be regarded as more wise, and indeed you will become so by LISTENING when before you would be speaking.

    Twain said something to the effect of:

    "It's better to keep your mouth shut and let them think you're smart than to open your mouth and prove them wrong."

    Also, try very hard to genuinely understand others' position. Do this during the "quiet period" That you are listening during (when before you would have been speaking.) You cannot be a douchebag if you don't speak, so the cure is all in control, control, control.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Into It View Post
    I am surprised you say that you appeared negative and cold. You are probably wrong about this, unless they specifically told you so.
    Actually, I was told I appeared sad, dull and unhappy.

  9. #9
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    [QUOTE=Into It;659870]I am surprised you say that you appeared negative and cold. You are probably wrong about this, unless they specifically told you so. QUOTE]

    Actually, I was told I appeared sad, dull and unhappy.

    BTW this is from an INFJ friend, technically my ex.

  10. #10
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Roflcopter View Post
    Actually, I was told I appeared sad, dull and unhappy.
    were you pouting because you didnt get your way?

    I perhaps do this some...

    Once I set my mind I can be rather stubborn, especially if it challenges Fi, and then just refuse to "play" with others-maybe Te stepping up.

    can you elaborate on the douchebag behavior? Is it just your ex or others who say this as well?

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