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[ENFP] ENFP in need of peer help

Roflcopter

New member
Joined
Apr 15, 2009
Messages
18
MBTI Type
ENFP
Do any of you all have problems with being a douchebag, or some other form of aggrivating other people? Am I the only one? How can I fix myself?

(I moved this from the private forum)
 

professor goodstain

New member
Joined
Feb 14, 2009
Messages
1,785
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7~7
No, you are not alone. Has to do with type only in that you could fake like you're an ENFJ for a while. Try it:) Not bein sarcastic here. Hell, i even fake i'm an ENFP sometimes to curb the situation. IMO
 

Sentura

Phoenix Incarnate
Joined
Apr 23, 2009
Messages
750
MBTI Type
ENXP
Enneagram
1w9
i had when i was younger... to some extent, it has persisted (i'm sure others here will agree). i think it has to do with the general thing that there is too much focus on things that other people don't care about. a good quick solution is to become your own voice silencer. be quiet when you want to speak and choose your words when you have to. it definitely helps.
 

Roflcopter

New member
Joined
Apr 15, 2009
Messages
18
MBTI Type
ENFP
Thanks :D The hard part is being quiet, but not appearing cold. I have actually tried this, with success, but I appeared negative and cold to others, so how can you do this?
 
Last edited:
G

garbage

Guest
Thanks :D The hard part is being quiet, but not appearing cold. I have actually tried this, with success, but I appeared negative and cold to others, so how can you do this?

In function terms, I guess this is the common phenomenon of Ne overshadowing Fi. :)

If you can't listen to the other person without them giving the impression that you're not listening, start by actually paying attention to them. Then, practice mirroring their movements and facial expressions, nodding in agreement, and so on. These tend to serve as connection points in conversations with others. After a while, you'll find that it actually comes naturally and isn't forced or fake. You'll move on to attempting to understand their emotional state or point of view and, after a while, it too will come more naturally to you.

You'll genuinely be listening and actually connecting with them.
 

Tiny Army

New member
Joined
Jan 12, 2009
Messages
679
MBTI Type
EN?P
Enneagram
7
I don't know how you would fix this. It's difficult because I need to leave the room in order to process my emotions separately before I can provide a reasonable response but I rarely get that luxury. I usually end up doing the ENFP flip out where I say way hurtful things that I shouldn't have said.
 

Into It

New member
Joined
Aug 30, 2008
Messages
664
MBTI Type
ENFP
I am surprised you say that you appeared negative and cold. You are probably wrong about this, unless they specifically told you so. The ENFP can show a good deal of nonverbal interest and emotion, so we appear warm naturally, even without words. The ENFP has massive cognitive and innovative power at his disposal, so be Quiet! Calm! Choose your words carefully before you say them. You will be regarded as more wise, and indeed you will become so by LISTENING when before you would be speaking.

Twain said something to the effect of:

"It's better to keep your mouth shut and let them think you're smart than to open your mouth and prove them wrong."

Also, try very hard to genuinely understand others' position. Do this during the "quiet period" That you are listening during (when before you would have been speaking.) You cannot be a douchebag if you don't speak, so the cure is all in control, control, control.
 

Roflcopter

New member
Joined
Apr 15, 2009
Messages
18
MBTI Type
ENFP
I am surprised you say that you appeared negative and cold. You are probably wrong about this, unless they specifically told you so. QUOTE]

Actually, I was told I appeared sad, dull and unhappy.

BTW this is from an INFJ friend, technically my ex.
 

sculpting

New member
Joined
Jan 28, 2009
Messages
4,148
Actually, I was told I appeared sad, dull and unhappy.

were you pouting because you didnt get your way?

I perhaps do this some... :)

Once I set my mind I can be rather stubborn, especially if it challenges Fi, and then just refuse to "play" with others-maybe Te stepping up.

can you elaborate on the douchebag behavior? Is it just your ex or others who say this as well?
 

Jonathanthegreat

New member
Joined
Apr 30, 2009
Messages
166
MBTI Type
ENFJ
stop being over analytical, think positively, take everything lightly, and don't feel like you're a slave to your environment. YOU have a free will. Use it.
 

Kalach

Filthy Apes!
Joined
Dec 3, 2008
Messages
4,310
MBTI Type
INTJ
Actually, I was told I appeared sad, dull and unhappy.

And, em... were you?







Listening to FJs is the fastest way to emotional exhaustion for me. But my Fi's liddle and doesn't love unless T says it can.
 

Sentura

Phoenix Incarnate
Joined
Apr 23, 2009
Messages
750
MBTI Type
ENXP
Enneagram
1w9
Thanks :D The hard part is being quiet, but not appearing cold. I have actually tried this, with success, but I appeared negative and cold to others, so how can you do this?

just go with being cold. you can always appear warm when you speak, but it's hard to appear warm when you don't.
 

ergophobe

Allergic to Mornings
Joined
Apr 26, 2009
Messages
1,210
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
I'm with happy, could you give us some examples of where you think you were a douchebag or where somebody other than your ex also implied that you were? Not to discount what your ex said but a larger N is usually better.

I don't see ENFPs as being douchebags or cold and disinterested. You could certainly be melancholy sometimes, that should be okay for anyone. ENFPs also tend to get carried away in talking about a cause they feel strongly about and thus may come across as a douchebag in a "not willing to listen" to any other opinions kind of way. That's the worst I can think of.
 

Roflcopter

New member
Joined
Apr 15, 2009
Messages
18
MBTI Type
ENFP
Haha its not just my ex who says this. I honestly can't come up with an exact example...
 

Godslittlegirl

New member
Joined
Apr 4, 2009
Messages
3
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
9w8
The same has happend to me or at least I think it did. I went to lunch with a couple of friends and in an effort to not be such a motormouth I didnt comment to every little thing they said. I was silent. Then, out of no where they asked me if something was wrong... I guess i looked down or something. I thought it was weird because my mood was sort of... calm at the time.
 
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