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  1. #1
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Default emotional intimacy/boundaries

    When in relationships with others-personal, business, friends or other, at some point a certain level of comfort will set in and I become more willing to allow others to interact on an emotional level with me. I consider this "emotional intimacy" as i have to trust you to engage.

    1. Do other NFPs also have to trust someone to share emotionally with them?

    2. Do you find it is an all-or-none response? (ie if I share, I share everything, very open, very intense, very trusting)

    3. Do you not always understand the other persons emotional boundaries? (For me I just open and dump everything out, and sometimes miss that others more slowly open up emotionally-thus I overwhelm them and am too intense, too personal, too quickly)

    4. Do you ever mistake Fe for Fi, and then engage in an emotionally intimate way, only to then get rebuffed a bit? (This happens to me with tertiary Fe in estps and entps both. I misinterpret thier charm and friendliness for open emotional intimacy, not a tool for interacting with others socially)

    EDIT: others please feel free to contribute how you see this on the receiving end as well

  2. #2
    Phoenix Incarnate Sentura's Avatar
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    1. yes
    2. yes
    3. i much more fail to understand a person's intuitive boundaries. but yes, i do... for shame.
    4. it depends very much on the context. for the most part, my mind mistakes it, but is suppressed after a short while.
    i hunt INXPs for bounty
    FUNCTION ORDER FOR THOSE THAT CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHAT ENXP MEANS: Ne > Ni > Fi=Ti > *

    ...people tell me i have wildfires in my eyes

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by happy puppy View Post
    1. Do other NFPs also have to trust someone to share emotionally with them?
    Not always. I put myself out there a bit if I think it will help. To let anyone near the core I have to trust them though. Luckily I read enough to trust quickly.

    Quote Originally Posted by happy puppy View Post
    2. Do you find it is an all-or-none response? (ie if I share, I share everything, very open, very intense, very trusting)
    Yes, always all or nothing. I don`t believe in novel half close relationships. And as much as I`ve tried to, I think I never will. I do similar to you. And if I don`t it is because I am consciously trying not to overwhelm the person.

    Quote Originally Posted by happy puppy View Post
    3. Do you not always understand the other persons emotional boundaries? (For me I just open and dump everything out, and sometimes miss that others more slowly open up emotionally-thus I overwhelm them and am too intense, too personal, too quickly)
    I understand the other persons emotional boundaries. I just end up seeing no way I feel comfortable with playing the game for ages while they decide if they want to feel anything. Then I think if it takes this long for anything to go anywhere, will I have to wait around this long every time your emotions or thoughts have to process anything. I know I should adapt more, but as I get older I`m getting more picky about chasing certain types.

    Quote Originally Posted by happy puppy View Post
    4. Do you ever mistake Fe for Fi, and then engage in an emotionally intimate way, only to then get rebuffed a bit? (This happens to me with tertiary Fe in estps and entps both. I misinterpret thier charm and friendliness for open emotional intimacy, not a tool for interacting with others socially)
    Yes, did this recently. The return for openness was quite cold. Ouch!
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    1) Probably, but I can still be open with some things without trust present. More or less, more trust = more openness

    2) A part of me wants to say yes, and a part of me wants to say no. I would compare it to a door, either the door is open all the way, or not very much. I'm sure the door could be like half-open though. I still want open and harmonious relationships overall, but some are much more open than other.

    3) I tend to be very open, and to do so quickly. Simply put, most people aren't thast open and/or that quickly. I find great differences in other people's ability to deal with it. Some love it, others can't hack it. NF usually can hack it, NT's go both ways as do SF's and ST's. It really depends on them.

    4) Sorta, but more like my Fi will overdo a situation in terms of what a Fe considers situationally appropriate. Fe's will also sometimes find there Fe shallow in comparison to my more, for lack of a better word, saintlike Fi.



    One thing that stands out to me, I'm more open and emotionally bouncy, but if I can tell that something is making someone uncomfortable I'll back off or not do something in the first place. I can easily adjust given only a little bit of gentle feedback/response. Many people I've met though are much more assertive/ultimatum-like. See my posts about (N)TJ workplaces for example.

  5. #5
    Member Nyota's Avatar
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    1. Do other NFPs also have to trust someone to share emotionally with them?
    Not a P, but I feel everyone should find someone to share emotionally with.
    2. Do you find it is an all-or-none response? (ie if I share, I share everything, very open, very intense, very trusting)
    Not necessarily. We are our own person, and there is never a person that will know you 100%. I think with time and earned trust, emotional intimacy will grow. But the entire wall shouldn't fall down as soon as one brick is removed.
    3. Do you not always understand the other persons emotional boundaries? (For me I just open and dump everything out, and sometimes miss that others more slowly open up emotionally-thus I overwhelm them and am too intense, too personal, too quickly)
    I always understand. Maybe this is just something I've dealt with, but I'm willing to work with someone who doesn't meet my emotional openness, as well as appreciate those people that let their dumptrucks of emotion out on me[although this is more annoying].
    4. Do you ever mistake Fe for Fi, and then engage in an emotionally intimate way, only to then get rebuffed a bit? (This happens to me with tertiary Fe in estps and entps both. I misinterpret thier charm and friendliness for open emotional intimacy, not a tool for interacting with others socially)
    I mistake them, but I feel that it doesn't really get in the way. If I mistake openness, and expect something more but don't get it, I'm not really let down. It's people's individual choices.
    INFj. 4w5.
    Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one!'
    --C.S. Lewis

  6. #6
    Member nasmoe's Avatar
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    1. Do other NFPs also have to trust someone to share emotionally with them?

    Yes, or else I'll just talk about the media all the time.

    2. Do you find it is an all-or-none response? (ie if I share, I share everything, very open, very intense, very trusting)

    Yeah pretty much, and when I think back about what I said, I wonder why they even needed to know. But it feels good to let it all out.

    3. Do you not always understand the other persons emotional boundaries?

    yeah, I sometimes get the "you're wierd" look from someone when I open up.

    4. Do you ever mistake Fe for Fi, and then engage in an emotionally intimate way, only to then get rebuffed a bit?

    "you're wierd" comes up a lot.

  7. #7
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    1. Do other NFPs also have to trust someone to share emotionally with them?
    But of course.

    2. Do you find it is an all-or-none response? (ie if I share, I share everything, very open, very intense, very trusting)
    Nope - it happens in degrees. Sometimes I'll let someone in a bit deeper, but it's a pathway constructed with brick walls on both sides, allowing any damage to be minimized and contained if they start breaking things.

    It's very, very, VERY difficult for me to let someone have unfettered access.

    3. Do you not always understand the other persons emotional boundaries?
    I'm slow to cross boundaries, so it's not usually an issue.

    4. Do you ever mistake Fe for Fi, and then engage in an emotionally intimate way, only to then get rebuffed a bit?
    Yup, sadly. Dominant Fe (ESFJ, ENFJ) is usually clear to me, but those with Fe in a supporting role have tricked me in the past. I've confused their need to affect my emotions (insecure ones would 'encourage' me to crush on them) as having something to do with how they feel about me.

    Fi can try to do the same, but I usually see through it.

  8. #8
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    what is emotional intimacy though for an NFP. I think peoples emotional intimacy is different which is why different types respond different.

  9. #9
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Emotional intimacy is great, but it can be a gateway to emotional affairs.

    If you are in a LTR, many relationship gurus recommend reserving your emotional intimacy for your SO alone.

    Very tricky stuff it can be, but with the right person its great. Who wants to keep their guard up all the time? Not even I do. I need rest too, not much, but some.

  10. #10
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    if anyone wants to look into it a little more look up some info on transference. It can really happen with anyone, not just a client/therapist. Atleast with a therapist they are trained to recognize it.

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