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  1. #1
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    Default INFP Man & ENFP Woman

    I am an INFP man with an ennegrm of 4. I'm fairly midrange on the Introversion/Extroversion scale, so at times I can appear to be an extrovert. My ennegram is a 4 (individualist), but the 7 (enthusiast), 9 (peacemaker) and 2 (helper) are also strong.

    Anyway, I am attracted to a female ENFP who posesses a lot of poise, self-confidence and social coordination. I think she has the same feelings for me, but like a lot of female ENFP's, I notice she can be quite the flirt. She is also involved in a long term relationship with a guy she lives with and has children together, but she gives me indications she is through wit him, but just can't find the courage to break it off. Again, another ENFP trait. This woman has a wonderful sense of humor and is popular amongt our peers. She's also pretty, so a lot of guys are always hitting on her too. This is how I noticed her more flirty side.

    My problem is I'm not 100% sure she wants a romantic relationship with me or just a friendship. It's always hard to tell with a flirt.

    Any advice on how I should procede with this situation? And what clues should I be looking for from her if she wants to take our friendship to a romatic level, but doesn't want to be the first to say it? Also, if we should become romantically involved, any advice on how INFP men should treat and act around a ENFP woman? What usually gives them the most pleasure in a romantic relationship and what sort of things should I stay clear away from when conversing with a ENFP female who is in her early 30s?

  2. #2
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    I think you do well to be wary. I've also been in a few friendships with attractive, flirty ENFP ladies and they were just being themselves. No flirtation intended - they just saw me as a good friend. I think it's a combination it's especially prone to happen with, since INFPs and ENFPs tend to get along so well. Obviously I only know what you've posted (not much), but my guess is you're in the Friend Zone. You'd have to ask her to know for sure though. My experience isn't extensive, just very memorable.

  3. #3
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bdm View Post
    I am an INFP man with an ennegrm of 4. I'm fairly midrange on the Introversion/Extroversion scale, so at times I can appear to be an extrovert. My ennegram is a 4 (individualist), but the 7 (enthusiast), 9 (peacemaker) and 2 (helper) are also strong.

    Anyway, I am attracted to a female ENFP who posesses a lot of poise, self-confidence and social coordination. I think she has the same feelings for me, but like a lot of female ENFP's, I notice she can be quite the flirt. She is also involved in a long term relationship with a guy she lives with and has children together, but she gives me indications she is through wit him, but just can't find the courage to break it off. Again, another ENFP trait. This woman has a wonderful sense of humor and is popular amongt our peers. She's also pretty, so a lot of guys are always hitting on her too. This is how I noticed her more flirty side.

    My problem is I'm not 100% sure she wants a romantic relationship with me or just a friendship. It's always hard to tell with a flirt.

    Any advice on how I should procede with this situation? And what clues should I be looking for from her if she wants to take our friendship to a romatic level, but doesn't want to be the first to say it? Also, if we should become romantically involved, any advice on how INFP men should treat and act around a ENFP woman? What usually gives them the most pleasure in a romantic relationship and what sort of things should I stay clear away from when conversing with a ENFP female who is in her early 30s?

    Hi BDM.

    Look----First off.....

    ENFPs can pull of the illusion of poise, self-confidence, and social coordination very well, a lot of the time. I think the truth, however, is that ENFPs are awkward and insecure much of the time, and manage to overcome it by challenging themselves and just doing their best.

    I think this is important to point out because if you do actually get close to an ENFP you might get disappointed when you find that they aren't always as graceful and confident as they can seem to be.

    Secondly, and much more importantly---I think you should be careful about an ENFP who is trying to get out of a relationship and just can't find the courage to break it off.

    Right now she is probably more attracted to quick-fix, temporary solutions to her problem than to being wise and thinking ahead.

    The last thing YOU want to be is one of her temporary solutions.

    OR......maybe you do......

    ....which is your prerogative, but I would caution against it...

    PARTICULARLY because, right now, with whatever temporary solution she decides to take, she will likely be so passionate about it that it will seem like she has thought it through and is sure about it.

    ENFPs can be so PASSIONATE about the things they do, that the other person mistakes their PASSION for CLARITY of VISION.

    For example---if the two of you get together right now, she might be so PASSIONATE about it that you might think she is SERIOUS about it being a long-term relationship, when she may not really be at all.

    OR----She might even tell you POINT-BLANK that she is NOT looking for a serious, long-term relationship, and STILL, because of her enthusiasm, and her flattery and making you feel so special, you might think she cares for you much more than she does.

    Furthermore, by means of her intoxicating free-spirited enthusiasm, she may be able to convince YOU, against your better judgement, that just having an open-ended fling is totally natural and that you should just go with it.

    Bottom line is---right now she's probably looking for a fun and convenient way out of her other relationship, and it's likely that she isn't thinking clearly about what's best for herself, for you , and for her KIDS---for fuck's sake!

    I'm tempted to tell you to stay the hell away from her, but I'd rather take an informative approach than a directive one.

    So, since you already seem to be under her spell, I say proceed with caution.

    Good luck.

    Hope that helps.

  4. #4
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    bdm, take the time to reread Wonka's post. I agree 100%.

    The other thing is that ENFPs aren't generally subtle creatures. If she wants a relationship with you, you will know it. Until that happens, keep it simple.

    I recommend finding a new crush, because this one is only going to get messy.

  5. #5
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Wonkavision, I agree with Udog - what a fabulous post.

    There's not much else to add, but I will be directive:

    bdm, DON'T DO IT!

  6. #6
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    yeah...true if an enfp wants to date you...i'm pretty sure you'll know.

    and...this one sounds way messy....if she wants out of her relationship she needs to do it because she wants to not because of someone else.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  7. #7
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    Dude,

    I've been through EXACTLY what you're going through. I'm also a type 4 INFP, and I had a huge crush on an ENFP girl although she wasn't married with kids, just taken.

    I know sometimes it feels like flirting, and sometimes there are connections and reasons to wanna be together..but it just won't work.

    Mine didn't at least. We can't help but be attracted to versions of us that are funnier, and better socially.

  8. #8
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
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    Well, it worked for Dr Zhivago and Lara...
    Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, you're old enough to learn the makings of a man.

  9. #9
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wonkavision View Post
    ENFPs can pull of the illusion of poise, self-confidence, and social coordination very well, a lot of the time. I think the truth, however, is that ENFPs are awkward and insecure much of the time, and manage to overcome it by challenging themselves and just doing their best.
    Wonka...dude, I thought you were playing for our team. Why are you giving away our secrets???

    I think this is important to point out because if you do actually get close to an ENFP you might get disappointed when you find that they aren't always as graceful and confident as they can seem to be.
    The last INFP I dated (I've said this before, INFPs are my kryptonite ) told me almost ad verbatim, "You seem all lady like and delicate in public but behind closed doors, you're like a brute" Hahahahaha - that effin' bastard!!! LOL.

    Buuuuut, OP - yes, basically you think you like the ENFP but it may be an effect of mirroring more social qualities of yourself or your type.

    But, basically - she's taken. With kids. Married with partner. And she hasn't asked you or approached you with anything.

    Regardless of her type or your type, I would stay away, don't get involved any further, and not even broach the topic. If it ever gets to that point, tell her you're interested but will cut things off until she's free and clear. She can call you when that happens.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  10. #10
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i know cze cze! i thought the same thing! a lil too much info there wonka!! but he's married to an infp...so i imagine there's a certain dynamic there....infps probably see too far in there for our comfort or something...i wouldn't know.

    but right...good advice cze cze.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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