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  1. #61
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    My Fe dominant mother is a source of constant anger for me. She frequently misses the point of my comments and instead listens only to the tone I am saying it in (and she is often wrong about that). I feel as though the content of what I am saying is overshadowed by her perceived emotional resonance of whatever I am saying. To an Fi user, feeling like someone isn't listening during an emotional discussion is incredibly hurtful and it does often feel like Fe users aren't listening because they're too busy chasing whatever emotional agenda they appear to have.

    She cites the "You are my child and I gave you life and you have a duty to me" brand of logic as her reason for her P type children (all 9 of us) to do things. It is especially piled on with my two older brothers both of whom were adopted in third world countries ("I saved you from a life of misery and starvation and gave you a home!"). Once when driving us to some event she was wailing about how she "drives up and down these roads for [us] all day without complaint" to which my ISFP brother snapped "then what are you doing right now if not complaining?"


    But this post has completely veered off into anecdotes of my ENFJ mother being mad. I don't understand Fe either. I try to cater my emotional expressions to her unique needs (gift giving, calling at midnight on her birthday, cooking with her) but she never seems to try and cater hers to the specific needs of her children. As our mother, shouldn't she have an emotional obligation to us, just as we do to her by being her children? If her behaviour is making us unhappy shouldn't she be trying as hard to change that as much she expects us to change our behaviour for her?

  2. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    My Fe dominant mother is a source of constant anger for me. She frequently misses the point of my comments and instead listens only to the tone I am saying it in (and she is often wrong about that). I feel as though the content of what I am saying is overshadowed by her perceived emotional resonance of whatever I am saying. To an Fi user, feeling like someone isn't listening during an emotional discussion is incredibly hurtful and it does often feel like Fe users aren't listening because they're too busy chasing whatever emotional agenda they appear to have.

    She cites the "You are my child and I gave you life and you have a duty to me" brand of logic as her reason for her P type children (all 9 of us) to do things. It is especially piled on with my two older brothers both of whom were adopted in third world countries ("I saved you from a life of misery and starvation and gave you a home!"). Once when driving us to some event she was wailing about how she "drives up and down these roads for [us] all day without complaint" to which my ISFP brother snapped "then what are you doing right now if not complaining?"


    But this post has completely veered off into anecdotes of my ENFJ mother being mad. I don't understand Fe either. I try to cater my emotional expressions to her unique needs (gift giving, calling at midnight on her birthday, cooking with her) but she never seems to try and cater hers to the specific needs of her children. As our mother, shouldn't she have an emotional obligation to us, just as we do to her by being her children? If her behaviour is making us unhappy shouldn't she be trying as hard to change that as much she expects us to change our behaviour for her?

    Of course there are wonderful, loving parents in the world, but I strongly suspect that some other parents are only parents because they're narcissists. There is that old saying that parenting is the ultimate form of narcissism.

    I'm not saying that it always is. But it can be.

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