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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unique View Post
    Wow I feel for you mate, I also have an ENFJ mum and found myself nodding a lot to your post...

    I however don't have advice... sorry to say... I only know how to use logic and reason and when they are being irrational like that I usually can't end up doing much

    Some of the most hurtful things come out of her mouth while shes in one of those states as well, I'm somewhat thankful that I'm a T and it doesn't phase me so much...

    I have an ENFJ mate as well, he's a guy though and we get along... so there you go...
    I think my sister that is capable of "handling" my mom to a certain point is probably also an ExTP. She gets drained too, and does her thing where she'll run off and won't answer her phone, but mom doesn't seem to phase her the way she does me and my other sisters, whom I think are NFs or SFs.

    I have a friend who is probably the same exact type as my mom, but she's really nice in small doses (much like my mom - I get along with my mom so much better when I don't live with her!) and since she's a friend and not my mother, I don't get the same level of vampiric behavior. Or maybe (nay, certainly) my mom's a little unhealthy and my friend isn't.

  2. #32
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    I've always suspected my Fe was dysfunctional. I couldn't care less about gifts and cards

  3. #33
    WTF is this dude saying? A Schnitzel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    I've always suspected my Fe was dysfunctional. I couldn't care less about gifts and cards
    You should schedule a doctors appointment.
    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    sheesh humans! for realz

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I think my sister that is capable of "handling" my mom to a certain point is probably also an ExTP. She gets drained too, and does her thing where she'll run off and won't answer her phone, but mom doesn't seem to phase her the way she does me and my other sisters, whom I think are NFs or SFs.

    I have a friend who is probably the same exact type as my mom, but she's really nice in small doses (much like my mom - I get along with my mom so much better when I don't live with her!) and since she's a friend and not my mother, I don't get the same level of vampiric behavior. Or maybe (nay, certainly) my mom's a little unhealthy and my friend isn't.
    Our ESTP response is to "squint" in a way that says "you're such a tool" then walk off if it gets too pointless for us

    My mum says things like "I can't believe I brought up a child that doesn't have feelings that wont do blah blah blah"

    Same card every time... I usually respond with the obvious "I'm being rational and calm. You're not"

    Adds fuel to the fire really but its either that or appease the Fe (eww) or walk away

    They usually will bait you if you try and walk away... our type is a little bit less prone to taking that bait though

    An ENTP might enjoy arguing a bit longer but even they may grow tired

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unique View Post
    Our ESTP response is to "squint" in a way that says "you're such a tool" then walk off if it gets too pointless for us

    My mum says things like "I can't believe I brought up a child that doesn't have feelings that wont do blah blah blah"

    Same card every time... I usually respond with the obvious "I'm being rational and calm. You're not"

    Adds fuel to the fire really but its either that or appease the Fe (eww) or walk away

    They usually will bait you if you try and walk away... our type is a little bit less prone to taking that bait though

    An ENTP might enjoy arguing a bit longer but even they may grow tired

    If this description of yourself fairly fits ESTPs then I would say that's exactly what type my sister fits into. Sounds just like her. Stays calm, sometimes pisses my mom off more because she doesn't get upset, then walks out the door when she's had enough.

    I think this is a possibility already because she shows S traits like being interested in biology academically and having things like landscaping, carpentry, hiking, and fixing cars as some of her hobbies. If she is an N, I'd say she's N/S borderline.

  6. #36
    Magical BlackCat's Avatar
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    Thanks for everyone's input by the way. It's interesting seeing how various types view this issue.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  7. #37
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Please.

    Is it really that hard for you to understand where your mom is coming from? What a bunch of crap.[...]I don't make excuses. I find this kind of "I just don't get it!!! " BS to be totally dishonest.
    +1 to this.

    I understand where you're coming from with her making a big fuss over seemingly nothing. But I think simply complying with her wishes will take care of a lot of this. My ESFJ mom has her bouts of "no one really loves me" too. In these cases, I just empathize with her and let her talk it out. It doesn't seem like such a burden, after all she does show her love in palpable ways, whether I consider them useless or not.

    Quote Originally Posted by A Schnitzel View Post
    You should schedule a doctors appointment.
    Do you think it would help patch things up? : / My friends are about fed up with me not calling them, not partaking in group events, etc.

  8. #38
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    Yeah, I just can't get Fe. I don't understand it's essence for myself, I understand it on a logical level sort of, but I don't get it. The fact that someone uses it makes no sense to me, and all of that stuff. It's just like a foreign concept.
    This is funny, because you seem to feel the same way about your mom's Fe & extroversion that she feels about your Fi and introversion: foreign & selfish.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  9. #39
    Magical BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    +1 to this.

    I understand where you're coming from with her making a big fuss over seemingly nothing. But I think simply complying with her wishes will take care of a lot of this fuss. My ESFJ mom has her bouts of "no one really loves me" too. In these cases, I just empathize with her and let her talk it out. It doesn't seem like such a burden, after all she does show her love in palpable ways, whether I consider them useless or not.
    It's not that I literally don't understand, it's just that I can't accept why anyone would be that way.

    Besides, I've got this figured out.

    It was more of something to spark an explosion with an argument, a small dispute lead to a greater conflict. That's how it usually goes. It's not even the fact that I didn't get anything. It's a bunch of crap that keeps getting brought up. I am asking these questions to make the bigger conflict not happen and solve the smaller issue. The input here has helped that.

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    This is funny, because you seem to feel the same way about your mom's Fe & extroversion that she feels about your Fi and introversion: foreign & selfish.
    Yep, we've even vocalized that. That it's all a big misunderstanding, and yet the conflict still happens. It's pretty stupid. I think after talking with her tonight we both decided this conflict was very stupid. We are going to try to pull back more, be a bit more detached (that's what I got out of it). When we go in being emotional (It's mostly her though... she sparks my emotions with hers) bad things happen. We understand that we aren't like each other in many ways, even though we have that illusion. We are a mirror of each other.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  10. #40
    lurking.... Wyst's Avatar
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    You know the saying, "How a man treats his mom is representative of how he'll treat his wife"? Well, here's some good practice for loving sacrificially.

    If you're already married.... EXTRA practice.

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