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  1. #21
    Senior Member Xellotath's Avatar
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    You know, this is making me think ...there should be a conflict resolution thread, specifically aimed at helping people with their Fe vs Fi conflicts -without- having to engage in a sudden lecture about the MBTI and Cognitive functions in the midst of arguments. Also, which really merely describes things, and only solves issues in superficial terms of "Oh shucks, you're Fe, I'm Fi. We'll never get each other."
    Such a hypothetical thread would have to tackle the underlying formation of those functions in order to better deal with the person you're having a conflict with. It would really help with so many situations in a pragmatic fashion...
    Wish I had a deeper understanding of the mechanics and origins rather than just the descriptions...
    : (

  2. #22
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Yeah, I just can't get Fe. I don't understand it's essence for myself, I understand it on a logical level sort of, but I don't get it. The fact that someone uses it makes no sense to me, and all of that stuff. It's just like a foreign concept.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  3. #23
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    Yeah, I just can't get Fe. I don't understand it's essence for myself, I understand it on a logical level sort of, but I don't get it. The fact that someone uses it makes no sense to me, and all of that stuff. It's just like a foreign concept.
    Please.

    Is it really that hard for you to understand where your mom is coming from? What a bunch of crap. I have a horrible relationship with my mom, but I know it's because I'm an asshole. I don't make excuses. I find this kind of "I just don't get it!!! " BS to be totally dishonest.

  4. #24
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    But BlackCat, the essence is that you said you were going to do something and didn't, don't you think? You said you would buy her a flower. Sure it sounds small, even inconsequential. I don't think that's the point. You're only as honorable as your actions, not your intentions...

    You know how she "works" regarding holidays / gifts, so especially in this regard, is it so hard to meet her in her space? Just curious and not being judgemental at all.

  5. #25
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Please.

    Is it really that hard for you to understand where your mom is coming from? What a bunch of crap. I have a horrible relationship with my mom, but I know it's because I'm an asshole. I don't make excuses. I find this kind of "I just don't get it!!! " BS to be totally dishonest.
    There is a clear cut communication gap with me and my mom. We come from somewhere different with how we are emotional and how to talk, etc. We react differently to everything... We have a different viewpoint on everything. It's odd.

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    But BlackCat, the essence is that you said you were going to do something and didn't, don't you think? You said you would buy her a flower. Sure it sounds small, even inconsequential. I don't think that's the point. You're only as honorable as your actions, not your intentions...
    But she knew exactly why... And still got mad. Even after saying it was fine. Ugh.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post


    It's annoying when it's constantly happening. My mom is the most extroverted person I've ever met. That alone is grounds for a conflict with living with someone. She is constantly smothering and overwhelming me, she doesn't understand that introverts have limits (even after explaining it). She pretty much explained to me that she hates being around introverts. When I am spent socially she thinks that my withdrawal is a rejection since I won't want to talk to her, and everything I say while spent is an attempt to get people to be quiet. When I explained to her introversion and how I basically didn't want someone to talk a lot she said that that "seems cruel for someone to think that".

    I'd like to add that my mom is a very fucked up person in the head. She has been apart of cults, is totally irrational, thinks that anyone who isn't new agey is "ignorant", has a terrible family life (which comes from every sibling besides her ESTJ sister being an introvert, and they're all TJs or FPs. Thus more Fe vs Fi conflict. She annoys the hell out of them, and thinks that they are terrible siblings because they don't go out of their way to please her).
    It's funny that your ma keeps calling you selfish, because I perceive her behavior as being extremely selfish, not to mention invasive. Hello, boundaries? It's selfish not to respect another person's limits and to expect other people to "make" you happy. It also seems like she likes to finger point and awful lot i.e. she's "good" while you and your aunt are "cruel"?

    I don't know about the rest of the people in this thread, but I totally see your point. Maybe if you would just remember to get her a gift on holidays she'd leave you alone, which would be good, right?

  7. #27
    Senior Member Xellotath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    I don't think that's the point. You're only as honorable as your actions, not your intentions...
    Never.
    I wholeheartedly disagree.
    There is implicit care in the intention. To just focus on the exterior manifestation of that intention is the mark of Fe.

    He could have gotten her 20 million plants, 1 or even 0. The fact is that he expressed the intention, the rest is utterly circumstantial. And none of these exterior results should ever be a full and finite measurement for something as complex such as the feelings between a parent and a child.

    But hey ...apparently birthday cards do the trick for some.

  8. #28
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    P.S. My mom is an extrovert like this, and I don't think it's a normal, healthy function of extraversion. One of my sisters says that my mom likes to suck the energy out of her daughters. My other sister, the "nice" compliant one, gets woken up in the middle of the night and harrassed by phone constantly if my mom is in needy mode. This "nice" compliant sister - though actually an extrovert herself! - sometimes feels it necessary to "disappear" because my mother's behavior can be so invasive. I think that's why I'm kind of identifying with you here.

  9. #29
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    Wow I feel for you mate, I also have an ENFJ mum and found myself nodding a lot to your post...

    I however don't have advice... sorry to say... I only know how to use logic and reason and when they are being irrational like that I usually can't end up doing much

    Some of the most hurtful things come out of her mouth while shes in one of those states as well, I'm somewhat thankful that I'm a T and it doesn't phase me so much...

    I have an ENFJ mate as well, he's a guy though and we get along... so there you go...

  10. #30
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    Also I might note that I lack Fe and another thing is I don't see the point in gifts

    I request that people don't get me gifts and to not expect them from me either

    For birthdays my friends like each others company more than anything else

    I'm glad you can choose your friends....... but you can't choose your family.

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