[MBTI General] A somewhat convoluted question

[briochick]

Right, so, my father took the Kirksey temperament sorter (maybe 10, maybe 15, I believe he took it more than once)years ago and got ENFJ. Recently he apparently took it (maybe some online version of the mbti? no one specified. they just said he'd retested) and got INFP. Well, apparently having been labeled the resient personality guru in my family both my parents have not only felt the need to tell me, but to ask how I feel about it.

My question to you all is this:

What would cause an INFP to test ENFJ for the better part of his adult life?

Or

What would cause an ENFJ to suddenly test INFP?

My father is now convinced that he and I are the same personality type, and my mother has alluded to that meaning that he and I are alike (great, so now in addition to worrying about being defective I get to worry about being a borderline sociopath. great). Answers would be good. Thanks!

 

[Orangey]

(great, so now in addition to worrying about being defective I get to worry about being a borderline sociopath. great).

Do you mean to say that your father a borderline sociopath?

 

[briochick]

That. Is not an answer to my question.

But, yes, I would say for a certain period of years he was.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

Which one do you think he really is?

 

[nozflubber]

Wow, what the hell would a sociopathic ENFJ be like? Go around demanding everyone be good and nice to each other with a bloody Katana blade?

 

[Moiety]

My brother has tested as every IN type and even ENFP once. I know believe him to be an INFJ (an INFJ/INTP hybrid actually).

Point being that it's not always clear cut. He could very well still be an ENFJ. It really depends on the amounts of tests taken too. If only one test labelled him as either INFP or ENFJ it doesn't carry much weight. I got ESTP on one test once. Imagine if that were my first test and I didn't take any more after that...

 

[briochick]

I really don't know for sure what type my father is

He's obviously ruled first and foremost by his emotions (which vacillate wildly at times)
He doesn't seem to know himself well at all
He's very suspicious of some people and very trusting of others but his judgment is flawed a good half of the time (at least).
he is very clingy when scared or lonely (or so my mother says)
He eats up compliments and flattery will wrap him around your finger
He's prone to feeling betrayed
He shifts back and forth between a victim mentality and a "I am God, obey me" mentality
He is quite intelligent
Great with words and speaking
A good orator
Horrible at giving advice and generally not very sensitive
Has a tendency to loose his temper, throw things, threaten people/things, shout at cashiers for being too slow.
imperfection is unacceptable and historically has pretended whatever "slip up" whether yours or his either was the end of the world or didn't happen (perhaps one and then the other) but has recently begun to actually, you know, act human about it.
He is very good at smoozing but says he gets warn out
Gets mad at his kids if we're not out socializing or dating
can be very kind and gregarious
unwilling to think about the past
likes to think about abstract things, likes sci-fi and fantasy and romance movies
likes guns and knives
nearly always speaks in absolute statements
will lie about something rather than say "I don't know"
Him apologizing for something once in a blue moon is rare.
hates cats on principal
hates anything that seems weak
is a decent artist
sucks at writing
can be a good listener
deals very badly with other people being emotional
Not flaky at all
never late to things
somewhat unorganized but he knows where everything is
physically aggressive when unhappy, and when happy
very competitive
must be in control at all times

I have a hard time differentiating his dysfunctional from his actual personality.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

Sounds very similar to an unhealthy ENFJ I know.

 

[Wyst]

Wow, what the hell would a sociopathic ENFJ be like?

Sociopath and ENFJ aren't synonymous???

 

[briochick]

Yes, well, OK.
Assuming he is an ENFJ, what could cause him to test as an INFP? And, how does one go about informing an ENFJ that they might be wrong? You know, a way that doesn't involve yelling and several sheets of documentation....because I hate yelling and I've never liked paperwork.

 

[BlackCat]

Maybe he is just chilling out? Decided he didn't need people as much and loosened up a bit (P)?

 

[briochick]

So, that would make him test a P if he were still a J?

 

[Totenkindly]

Right, so, my father took the Kirksey temperament sorter (maybe 10, maybe 15, I believe he took it more than once)years ago and got ENFJ.

That's CAPTAIN Kirksey to you.

INFP to test ENFJ or vice versa? For one guess, look at function use and compare to the environments your father has been in:

INFP = Fi + Ne + Si + Te
ENFJ = Fe + Ni + Se + Ti

Hmmm.... all opposites. Anyway, any indicators there coupled with environment? Only one or two of these need to be strong pushes in order to class as a new type. It could be as simple as being forced to extrovert or introvert all the time.

For the record, an ISTJ relative of mine tested himself as ENFJ. There is no doubt about the ISTJ, he's stereotypical and when he actually tested "officially" they classed him as ISTJ and he agreed. Funny, though, how bad he was at really seeing himself.

With your dad, how do you know he's an N?
The laundry list you provided could fit with ESTP as well as ESFP. (he's also got some hang-ups apparently, which makes validating type harder in some ways.)

 

[BlackCat]

So, that would make him test a P if he were still a J?

I test as INTJ or INTP most of the time, when I'm feeling outgoing and social I've tested ENTJ. The tests really don't matter, my results seem to vary from my moods. Maybe he hook an odd test, and the P/J and E/I questions were bad? That's what happens with the T/F scale for me and the P/J scale. It asks if I like chaos... I'm like "no not really" in my head, so I say no. It asks if I like to be organized, I think "well I like to be organized, but I'm not most of the time" so I will say yes. Same goes for T/F. "Do you think from your head or your heart?" I think from my head.

You see where I'm going with this.

 

[Udog]

He may be more aware of his more inappropriate ENFJ style issues, and answered the questions to 'how he should be' instead of how he is.

It something I see sometimes: instead of trying to be a mature and self-aware version of your type, people sometimes strive to become another type. "I'm not as judgmental as I used to be, so I feel I deserve to change this answer."

 

[briochick]

yeah, well, I know that my dad has a very emotionally stressful job now. He works with ARMY trauma victims; ptsd, rape, abuse, ect. His best friends have also all moved in the past couple of years and I get the impression that my mother has sort of rejected him so they live in the same house as friends w/benefits but they don't connect. So, he's a lot more isolated after work than he's ever been. Like, ever.

He really doesn't seem to know himself at all. Took him 20 years of shouting, smashing crap and tailgating before he was like "hmm, maybe deep down I'm angry about something."

I am often stunned by his ability to not just fantasize but to make up a world that is contrary to reality, live in it, and then feel betrayed when his fantasy is burst.

Lol, but he does loose stuff all the time. (I think he's a touch ADD, my bro and I had to have inherited it from someone)

Yes, black cat, I see where you're going.

 

[briochick]

He may be more aware of his more inappropriate ENFJ style issues, and answered the questions to 'how he should be' instead of how he is.

It something I see sometimes: instead of trying to be a mature and self-aware version of your type, people sometimes strive to become another type. "I'm not as judgmental as I used to be, so I feel I deserve to change this answer."

That. Makes. Complete sense.

 

[Totenkindly]

yeah, well, I know that my dad has a very emotionally stressful job now. He works with ARMY trauma victims; ptsd, rape, abuse, ect. His best friends have also all moved in the past couple of years and I get the impression that my mother has sort of rejected him so they live in the same house as friends w/benefits but they don't connect. So, he's a lot more isolated after work than he's ever been. Like, ever.

Well, that's enough to screw up any NF (among others, but NFs seem particularly vulnerable because they empathize so deeply) and give them a reason to detach from their own feelings.

 

[briochick]

the ironic thing being, I think he's more connected to his feelings (and more sensitive) now that he's having to deal with feelings all the time. None of his other jobs forced feelings in his face like this. He was pretty freaking screwed up to begin with, it's really difficult to get worse than that without actively setting out to do so.

...that's not to say I don't love him, or care, because I do. It's just the rest is true too. As I once heard someone say "he puts the fun in "dysfunctional."

 

[Ender]

One thing I've noticed when taking tests at random times is that my environment and the people I've been around lately do have an effect on the outcome. So does what I base my answers off of.

I.e. if I based everything off the way I act when concentrating on hobbies etc that I can pull off an ISTP result. Theres even people on this board that are convinced I am an ISTP.

However when I think about how I act when I was at work, or how I've been more recently then I can come out as an ENFP, thats more or less due to the fact that at work I was pretty much running the show so I had to be more extroverted, and my ex was an ENFP so I'd somewhat mimic her when we were out and dealing with other people.

In the end tho, I am an INFP at my core, 90% of my test results show that, and I relate to it the most.

Your dad testing as an INFP when he's being forced to sit and listen and offer support to traumatized people is not something that I find all that unlikely. Especially if like you say theres been a distance created between your mother and him.