• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[ENFJ] ENFj's relationships!

Ariel

New member
Joined
May 7, 2009
Messages
27
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2
Hey!
Wanted to know what kind of personalities supposedly got along best with ENFj's???? I read on socionics it was ISTJ's. What are your thoughts??? :D
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
First of all, welcome to the board, Melly. :) Nice to see more ENFJs posting.

A lot has been said over time here at the forum about who makes the best match for ENFJs, and most of it goes to speculation or experience. You'll find that many ENFJs seem to enjoy long happy relationships with INFPs and INTPs, though I have more experience with ENTPs and ISTPs. It all depends on your level of energy and intelligence needs, or how much of the emotional aspect of the relationship you prefer. For instance, my sister, an ENFP, really likes xNTJs and INFJs. She likes the warmth and like mindedness of the INFJs but also really appreciates and is attracted to the T strength of the NTJs.

I will however wish to caution you - just from my experience - that ISTJs are your enigma and will probably not be a good romantic match. They have made great friends to me and I do enjoy their company quite a lot, but I find that beyond friendship, I'm way out of my depth with them. My ENFP sister on the other hand seems to be quite at home amongst them without any effort. They're very attracted to her.
 

Kungpowish

New member
Joined
May 7, 2009
Messages
103
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
two
I tend to do best with people like myself. Two examples being an INFJ and an ENFP. I just want someone I can relate to and hang out with. Well, maybe a bit more than that but I find what I need with similar types.
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I would like to also add some clarification that Socionics has a different rule set from MBTI even though they use very similar acronyms and function names.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
See? *laughs* Already getting complicated. :D
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Since when has anything been simple when relationships are concerned? :doh:
 

Moiety

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
5,996
MBTI Type
ISFJ
Hey!
Wanted to know what kind of personalities supposedly got along best with ENFj's???? I read on socionics it was ISTJ's. What are your thoughts??? :D

My father's an ISTJ and my mother an ENFJ and they've been happily married for centuries now.

Dunno if type match theory has anything to do with it though.
 

SpottingTrains

New member
Joined
Jan 21, 2009
Messages
444
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w2
I will echo Pink's sentiments about the INFP and INTP. I've only dated the INTP but I think an INFP would be awesome as well from what I have read.

Overall though I think I could be happy with anyone as long as they somewhat balanced :) .. and an N.
 

Serendipity

the Dark Prophet of Kualu
Joined
Mar 24, 2009
Messages
852
MBTI Type
RAD
Since when has anything been simple when relationships are concerned? :doh:

That depends on how much you keep inside and how much you let out, doesn't it?
And even so, I would consider relationships hard, not complicated.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
So what's so great about INFPs for you guys? What's great about ENFJs for INFPs? Just curious as to what you people think, the ENFJs I've met would drive me totally insane or annoy the heck out of me in a romantic relationship.
 

SpottingTrains

New member
Joined
Jan 21, 2009
Messages
444
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w2
Overview: INFPs are idealistic people at the core, they always make distinctions in the form of dichotomies in their mind when presented with anything in life. It seems to be natural to do this, to have a very innate sense of how things really are, how they are separated in what they mean. INFPs are driven by their inner values, which is a network of emotions and attachments (negative and positive), this net is constantly being added to over time and starts developing at a very young age. This net of emotions is what is commonly where most decisions are made along (they are also made with values), it stores all past emotions. An INFP's values come from the person's experiences and philosophies in life, they are purely subjective. An INFP will generally avoid bad feelings, and with use of the net they naturally remember how to avoid them. A value is formed when a bad or good emotion is felt over and over by a common event, an example would be if the INFP really disliked spinach then they would make it a value to avoid spinach and try to not eat it again.

An INFP's idealism is often inspired by a vision that they have as to how the world could be improved, the way the world SHOULD be. This will generally moderate an INFP's attitude, inspiring them to act on what would be best for a "greater good" in the situations they find themselves in. This may include getting the truth out, helping someone, or setting up for a good future. This view of how the world should be will either make them optimistic or pessimistic in their attitude. The pessimists will generally hope for the best but expect the worst, the optimists will hope for the best and expect the best. This is purely relative to the person.

Everything that you wrote :D

Just curious but what are some of the traits you dislike about the ENFJ or whatever turned you off from them. Just wondering if they were actually healthy ENFJs.
 

Ariel

New member
Joined
May 7, 2009
Messages
27
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2
Thanks for all of your answers, people!

I'm still confused though, what is it that you don't like about ENFJs in relationships? Usually ENFJ's are really caring people focusing on their peers' well-being. Would seem natural for them to do so as well in a relationship!
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I mostly worry about an ENFJ feeling like she needs to be my mommy. I already had one and she failed miserably. I just want a partner in crime...
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I highly doubt these people were... Mature examples. Mature Fe dominants have been great, but I've only been acquaintances to them.

As for what turned me off of these people? I'll give examples of the two I know.

Number one- Well first off they showed that they cared... and it seemed like a lot at first. They listened to me, took me for who I was, etc. We could relate intuitively. Then I realized that they did that with everyone (like 30+ people that they talked to), and I didn't really feel that special. I had kept talking to them and such, and something just didn't really seem right to me. Like they were acting that way to just be nice, and it didn't really seem like the person cared. It was odd, there was no real conflict (most people I make friends with we disagree on something and get through it, and learn from that). It was like she was just... agreeing with me. It felt very fake. I did an experiment and stopped talking to her to see if she would talk to me, and sure enough, she didn't. I had had experiences before with Fe, and they weren't that great. I figured I'd give this person a chance, and I did, and they failed.

Number two- She was just insane. She would cause emotional drama, would think that she knew who you really were (and failed miserably). When she thought she would know how someone really was she would gossip about them. This would cause emotional drama, and she would thrive on that and the negative attention she would give people. She also knew how to manipulate people's moods, and got frustrated with me since I resisted. She then tried to spread rumors, but I stood up for myself and basically said "F*ck you, prove that this happened". Then she basically doorslammed me.

Both of these people were hyper emotional, they didn't seem to care about what my point was in a conversation if it sounded offensive (I'm sarcastic and blunt when comfortable with someone). If it was too blunt and I was too honest they would take offense to what I said, so I had to delicately word what I was saying and pad the truth so I could actually communicate. They would also randomly dump all of their superficial emotional stuff on me... and wouldn't really help me with my problems in return.

They were unhealthy definitely. But as a whole Fe just seems kinda... Superficial to me. That's just the feeling I get. I've met a few older healthy ESFJs, and they didn't seem superficial to me at all. It's all subjective, and I've yet to be subjected IRL to an ENFJ that I can tolerate. :D

EDIT: Forgot to mention that overly emotional and overly sensitive people in general are just... a turnoff. People who's emotions are very unstable.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Here is a post I made about the ideal mates for ENFJs and why, it was a quick "in-a-nutshell" post, but here it is.

BlackCat said:
INTP, ISFP, ESTP, INFP.

However an ENFJ would drive me INSANE in a relationship (it depends on the person and not the types for the most part). That's just theory about INFPs. I'd say INTP or ESTP would be your best bet, in my experience having an F and having a T is good for balance, too much fleeting emotions or lack thereof of a more emotional person wouldn't cover all of the bases.

REASONS-

INTP- You are there to teach each other in life. With the ENFJ's inferior Ti and the INTP's inferior Fe, you can reinforce each other's weaknesses. One will represent what the other wants to cultivate in themselves. However this can also come with catastrophic failure if the two aren't mature.

ISFP- According to theory, dominant Fi and dominant Fe go hand in hand (in theory though), since Fi wants to be nurtured and Fe nurtures, however there are many obstacles to overcome. I imagine the shared Se and Ni would make for interesting communication, since you would see where the other was coming from most of the time.

INFP- See above, except the two partners are intuitive and may tolerate each other better with shared intuition.

ESTP- The "activity" relationship according to socionics, the two people back up each other's weaknesses, and the differences are the relationship's strength. The shared extroversion makes the two enjoy each other, and you see where the other is coming from. One will cultivate what the other wants to make stronger in themselves.
 

SpottingTrains

New member
Joined
Jan 21, 2009
Messages
444
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w2
I can relate to #1 a little bit but not to #2 at all.

#1 reminds me more of when I was a lot younger. Not to the extreme that you portrayed but I definitely didn't feel like I had enough knowledge to participate fully. Trying to help someone when you don't have the experience to back it makes it hard to justify what you want to say. You want to help the person in whatever way possible but at the same time you don't know if what you are saying is good advice.

Just some thoughts, definitely a sign of lack of confidence I would think.
 

Kungpowish

New member
Joined
May 7, 2009
Messages
103
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
two
Forgot to mention that overly emotional and overly sensitive people in general are just... a turnoff. People who's emotions are very unstable.

Why is that? I know that dealing with said emotions can be a drag but a sensitive person is sensitive to you too, I would think that kind of caring would appeal to people but it seems to drive a lot of people away:huh:

#1 is a good way to talk about it. That person was just being polite but an ENFJ who was really into you would care MORE about you than others and seek to talk to you if you stopped, trust me:D, is that not what you meant by a sensitive person or is it still not what you want?
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Eh, unhealthy ENFJs... I'm still trying to numb the hurt from her calling me cold. One of the reasons why I'm looking at arguing more since some need that to get the feeling you truly do give a shit.
 

SpottingTrains

New member
Joined
Jan 21, 2009
Messages
444
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w2
Eh, unhealthy ENFJs... I'm still trying to numb the hurt from her calling me cold. One of the reasons why I'm looking at arguing more since some need that to get the feeling you truly do give a shit.

Yeah, I'm not going to lie, gaining my trust is a very long road. The smoother it is the longer it takes.
 

Kungpowish

New member
Joined
May 7, 2009
Messages
103
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
two
Yeah, I'm not going to lie, gaining my trust is a very long road. The smoother it is the longer it takes.

Do you ever feel like people would do more to earn your trust if you gave them more to start with? I find that if you make it clear you trust someone, and they aren't a jerk, they will try to maintain that trust. Whereas someone who knows you don't trust them may do things that would break your trust because there is nothing to lose.
 
Top