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  1. #101
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I was reading about that being more of a P vs J thing on a website giving ways to distinguish between INFJ and INFP types. They were saying that ideally as leaders we learn to balance things out by saying both:

    "We are out of milk. Can you please pick up some more?"
    "Go! The light is green"
    "I need some help moving these boxes because they're too heavy for me"
    "I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat".
    "Please put take off your shoes because they will make the carpet dirty"
    and so on...

    They also said that J types often assume that they are softening the bossiness by adding "please", but it is not always felt that way . P types are often ignored or not seen as authoritative enough because they are not asking directly enough. They feel it is so obvious, it is the same as requesting something, but it is not perceived that way.

  2. #102
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    P types are often ignored or not seen as authoritative enough because they are not asking directly enough. They feel it is so obvious, it is the same as requesting something, but it is not perceived that way.
    On the other hand, J types can come off as bossy.

    I don't like being told what to do. I'd rather have someone state what needs to be done, and then I will take responsibility or not. If they want to be more direct, then ask me if I can do it, but don't tell me like I'm your dog.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  3. #103
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    On the other hand, J types can come off as bossy.

    I don't like being told what to do. I'd rather have someone state what needs to be done, and then I will take responsibility or not. If they want to be more direct, then ask me if I can do it, but don't tell me like I'm your dog.
    Ironically, I resent people that try to control me and will resist with a passion and I am a fairly strong J. They have to give me a logical explanation. I am with you on this.

  4. #104
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    There's a powerful weapon against that: The word "No". Learn to use it!

    I've recently come to really appreciate the direct manner of communication. I sacrificed much for someone who never told me what they wanted, but would get upset when I failed to meet the invisible requirements. It's tiring.

  5. #105
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    There's a powerful weapon against that: The word "No". Learn to use it!

    I've recently come to really appreciate the direct manner of communication. I sacrificed much for someone who never told me what they wanted, but would get upset when I failed to meet the invisible requirements. It's tiring.
    There's definitely much middle ground between the styles.

    "No" was my first word
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  6. #106
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I think this is why they were suggesting that a good leader uses both informative and directive communication. That way they are clear and there is a why it needs to be done included which allows the person being asked to not feel like someone's dog and yet not trip over "invisible requirements". No matter what our natural style is, it seems to me that part of our job is becoming more balanced so that we interact better with everyone around us.

  7. #107
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    Quote Originally Posted by IDK123 View Post
    Informative vs. Direct

    "We are out of milk." vs. "Please get some more milk"
    "The light is green." vs. "Go!"
    "The boxes are heavy." vs. "Come help me move these boxes,"
    "I am hungry." vs. "I want food now."
    "That might not be the smartest thing to do." vs. "Don't do that."
    "More bread would be nice." vs. "May I have more bread?"

    Informative can be seen as "passive aggressive" while Direct can be seen as "bossy".
    NICE examples!!! And so true.
    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I think this is why they were suggesting that a good leader uses both informative and directive communication. That way they are clear and there is a why it needs to be done included which allows the person being asked to not feel like someone's dog and yet not trip over "invisible requirements". No matter what our natural style is, it seems to me that part of our job is becoming more balanced so that we interact better with everyone around us.
    agreed. i think as a leader its important to use what style the individual feels comfortable with. This is easy to pick up on from daily communication.
    Last edited by Afkan; 06-30-2009 at 06:50 PM.

  8. #108
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    To not be ambiguous, it seems better to me to use both informative and directive combined into the same sentence. The request along with the why for the request tends to get the best results from everyone, whether J or P, in my experience.

  9. #109
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    To not be ambiguous, it seems better to me to use both informative and directive combined into the same sentence. The request along with the why for the request tends to get the best results from everyone, whether J or P, in my experience.
    Ah, I see. That's quite clever.

  10. #110
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    Where would one go about finding an ENFJ?

    Is there some sort of symbol I can flash into the sky that assembles all ENFJs within a 50 mile radius?
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

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