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[NF] Why NFs pity themselves so much ?

Snow Turtle

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You are apsolutly right I don't understand depressed people.
Since I am not depressed and I don't have emotional approach towards life.

Depression can be hard for most people to understand considering it's so against fundamental human nature, even for those who consider themselves caring individuals. It's the reason that depressed people are often shouted at to "Man up/Stop it" by unsympathetic people or "Cheer up" by people that are sympathetic but don't really understand that it's much more difficult to do so. Eventually these people get labelled as attention seeking emos or lazy people but considering the amount of people that suffer from the condition, yeah...

Think of phobias. Why are people afraid of these thing? How exactly do you propose to fix a phobia? The problem is entirely emotional and psychological. In the same regard I don't believe there are people who are 100% efficient and do not come across some problems. When these problems can't be dealt with, it becomes a case of trying to fix it, but not being able to do this. At first it'll be lookedd kindly upon but after a while it'll be deemed as wallowing when people still can't seem to break out of it.
 

Virtual ghost

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Yours (AO) is gross generalization, but if nothing else, bear in my mind we aren't exactly in a real life environment here. Some people talk about stuff here that they simply don't in real life. You too probably.

Correct. I pay much less attention to feelings in the real world then here.
 

Snow Turtle

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My logic goes like this:

If a problem can be sovled it will be solved and if it can't be solved then there is no point in worring and getting depressed about it.

The only "flaw" of this is that you don't get too big bonuses from good emotions.

Sounds like me on the surface, except underneath I'm somewhat the opposite. I think stoticism is quite useful in terms of stepping back and observing but...

1. You don't ever get frustrated by things that you can't solve?
2. What would be your motivation in life? Why those rather than others?

Once again considering that I lead a life of emotional feedback, lots of my decision weighted on a mixture feelings and logic. To solve a problem without addressing the emotional problem (It can be at the same time) is essentially ignoring a fundamental aspect of myself. I think Athenian already mentioned that the emotional part is the motivation part. Example:

1. If I work hard on this. I'll be able to get out of it.
2. I can't generate the motivation to do so. Natural resistance towards work.
3. Work gets delayed.
4. Motivation plumets further.
5. Work suffers.

This is a negative feedback loop of someone who suffers from anxiety, depression or whatever other negative problem there is. Therefore by solving number 2, I'll be able to concentrate on number 1 properly.
 

Virtual ghost

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1. You don't ever get frustrated by things that you can't solve?
2. What would be your motivation in life? Why those rather than others?

Well I can get annoyed about some tasks. Escpially since I live in a society that is quite disorganised and random.
But this kinds of things don't have a big impact in me.
I think that one of my main strenghts is that I don't have a problem with stress as people around me and I don't have to drink coffee and pills to be able to function.

Basicly I live to make myself intellectually stronger.
 

Asterion

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... I hope you enjoy simply being intellectually stronger. Most people who want to be intellectually stronger probably only want it that way so that they can dominate other people. So does that mean that you live to dominate other people? It seems much easier to live for the sake of enjoying yourself. Coffee and pills can help you to enjoy yourself, and at the same time, make you intellectually stronger. Why would you bother to live for something you're probably going to get anyway, sounds like a pointless and dull life to me...
 

Athenian200

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My logic goes like this:

If a problem can be sovled it will be solved and if it can't be solved then there is no point in worring and getting depressed about it.

Interesting. That is what I usually tell people who seem to be wallowing very badly, when I find being nice only enables them. In most cases it's not a good idea, though, since it makes them feel invalidated.

I suppose what I get isn't so much depressed as... well, bored, scared, and trapped. I feel fine when I can keep my mind off it, but I get depressed when it hits me in the face again, and I don't see a way to solve it. And then I have to get my mind off it again, etc...
Also I am not too emotional person by default so by I have a natural tendency to avoid depression.

The only "flaw" of this is that you don't get too big bonuses from good emotions.

It sounds like you're talking about how I used to be in school. I'd get extremely focused, my feelings and empathy would drain away, and I'd choose every action based on what was best for getting my assignment done. To such an extent that I was called "The Machine." The problem was... well, it eventually made everything trivial to me, so I wasn't able to set any goals or decide what was important (though I could have reached them, I had nothing to tell me what they were), because I had dismissed everything that could help me do that as worthless. So I had to start trying not to do that.
 

Synapse

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Disease, grief, loss, loneliness, depression, trauma, stress etc makes people get into self pity. Its a coping mechanism to reach out and get assistance possibly and try to gain different perspective to their problems. To vent, like a pressure valve that builds needs to be released or something may break. So too this is part of a release whether whiny or pitiful the course is the same. Psychological restructuring, a state of emotional refuse tending to be generated from personal and medical causes as a means of expressing the pain so the situation is acknowledged whether by themselves or others. Whether they solve it or get stuck in a recurring loop depends how clear minded the person is which may be blinded by their worries to see a solution.
 
G

garbage

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When your primary "filter" involves searching for personal meaning in everything, you're naturally going to take everything more personally.
 

Queen Kat

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I only say those kinds of things because I think it's funny. But I just can't understand how people can take that seriously!:shock: I'm never serious! When I say that I think I'm stupid or that I'm so depressed, I never mean it. :doh:
 

Nonsensical

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It's almost natural for NFs to feel pity. I try hard not to, and I usually don't pity myself. My dad, also an NF, has really emphasized about being strong. When something bad happens, we have to punch through it. We can't let our emotions get in the way of taking care of our business. It's hard, but we need to be strong. I usually don't pity myself because I surrender to things that I can't change or don't have any control over, and move on with a raised head.
 

Lady_X

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I am aware of that. Even if it does not looks like that.

What is not clear to me is why it has to be sorted before the problem is solved? If the problem stays unsolved then you will have a problem with that because it will probably make you nervous even more. Also it could happen that you are not aware of it. So it will make you nervous "quietly".

But I think that in most cases this has an impact. What means that you will need more time to recover and sort things out if you start with sorting of emotions.

So in many cases it could be wiser to try to solve the problem instead of sorting your emotions and if you need that you can sort them out once you solve the problem.
But from what I saw that is not typical NF approach. Instead you prefer to
postpone problem solving and get in sad " what should I do now ?" mood.
Eventually you will recover but to me this can look like drama just for the sake of drama.



However I know that you can't use this approach on many kinds of problems.
This is simplified example.






Why you tend to get annoyed if someone is being rude ?


I know that the answer can look obvious but I think that it is not that much obvious.


you don't solve something without first finding the solution. the solution is based on how you feel about it. you sort that out and then you take action...you don't take action first...do you really not get that?
 

Dwigie

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As a matter of fact, we pity most people. You, the person beside you, the person who posted just before us. We're all sad little losers. But we're too polite to pity the rest of the world openly; we wouldn't want to hurt their feelings. So we pity ourselves and thereby acknowledge our common ineptitude.
There we go. And I don't see what's the problem with venting and expressing your discontentment. And I don't get why people are so hesitant to discuss their problems. If I have a problem I don't let it consume me from within because that's how I work. Anything kept inside too long tends to be regurgitated into a "sad sight".(irrational anger, depression)
 
P

Phantonym

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This is supposed to be a forum for people who, at least in theory, are able to understand what the person complaining or wallowing in self-pity is talking about. I mean, similar types might be able to understand this.

Writing things down might be a way for some people to concentrate their thoughts. Maybe seeing things in black and white and getting some feedback on it as well helps these people to work things through.

Some people might be looking for comfort.

Maybe NT's are too caught up in their description as the tough guys, similar to strict gender roles, that they are afraid to seem "soft".

Maybe some people just can't help but bitch and moan about stuff all the time. Being anonymous helps to emphasize all that.
 

kyuuei

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Okay, AO. I got through a whole 7 pages of you covering your ass and Atheniwhozit getting moist at everything you said before ralphing and drilling a new hole in my head to get the stupid hemorrhaging into my head in check.

#2 I am curious at the process of feeling that made you feel compelled to inquire on this subject. By referring to an "emofest", a clearly pejorative phrase, one might be inclined to believe that you have an axe to grind. So, the real mystery here might be why a discussion of negative feelings makes you uncomfortable? Do you fear that signs of weakness in others are contagious and, as such, a threat to your own tenuous system of emotional control?

+effin1.

I have deliberatly choosen more antagonistic approach. Just to see will it trigger a hostile response.
So that I can ask: Why did it trigger a hostile reaction? Are you afaid that I am judging you ? In the case you are, why you are afraid of that and why did you even bother to reply? Were you offended because I am INTJ ?

This is a poor, pathetic excuse at covering up what you're really trying to do: Provoke and insult NFs as a whole. You're not curious, you're being haughty and just plain rude. Don't try and hide your insults behind this lame "research" excuse. You couldn't care less about what people type in their own personal blogs.

Another reason is because I trully don't understand why people here have a tendency towards depressive thinking/feeling. Which is becaus I am built differently then NFs.

My proof of your haughty-ass ways, if you wanted it.

True. But I didn't do it just for the sake of doing it.

Or you did, and now that you're being called out for trying to cover your emotional, irritated ass you've gotta stick with your lies. It's cool.

Since I think many NF could use more positive approach in life.

Really? This is why you're calling NFs emos and bitching about personal threads you're roaming through? Again, I'm calling out your bullshit.

Your premise was flawed. Hence the corrections. Post something flawed about something NTs or SJs care about and watch them react. This is SOP for most people.

Again, +1.

That is because my personality is greatly distorted here.
There was even a thread about this.

I use this place as a playground to test ideas and get inforamation and the reason why focus so much on feeling is because I totally suck at them completly. But I need to understand people around me. That is why I bombard this topic from so many sides. I but I can agree that my forum personality is INTP.

But in real life I am clearly J.
Maybe I should show it more often here.

I'm not sure how much more of this you want me to swallow, because my throat only opens up so wide. You're saying your personality is distorted online. But everyone else DEFINITELY has an accurate representation of them on the Internet. Fantastic.
 

Lady_X

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kyuuei....
clap.gif
 

Athenian200

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Okay, AO. I got through a whole 7 pages of you covering your ass and Atheniwhozit getting moist at everything you said before ralphing and drilling a new hole in my head to get the stupid hemorrhaging into my head in check.

Excuse me, what exactly do you mean by that? It doesn't sound very nice. It seems like you're irritated that I tried to understand where he was coming from.

Are you sure this is what you're angry about, and not something else?
 

Moiety

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AO doesn't understand NFs. It's not a crime. And he's misguided. But it's also not a crime.
 

Lady_X

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calling bs is not a crime either...and sometimes needs to be done. ;)
 
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