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  1. #301
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    In answer to the OP,
    If I don't pity my own self, no one else will
    Seriously, though I'm just venting, once it's off my chest it's done.
    This is retrospect, to an event that happened to me recently, where in a rare moment of openess, I cracked (I'm a little stressed about what I'm going to do once my work contract ends. No-one else seems willing to employ me). Having vented, I feel much more on an even keel, and certainly clearer than I have in months, but then it has always taken a crisis for me to come into my own.
    It kinda irratates me though, when people overdo the sympathy/empathy thing though. I don't need solutions...I can think of them myself, I don't need hugs and goo goo eyes either. I just need people to listen, and take my feelings on board for a bit because I don't want them muddying up the picture.
    It's not so much self pity, but a means to lessen the internal pressure in the steam cooker so to speak.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

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  2. #302
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    I quit life, is this enough self pity to fill my NF quota of the day?
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  3. #303
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Although I tend to engage in a lot of venting to 'free' myself of negative feelings and emotions, I wouldn't say I pity myself. Not getting rid of negative feelings often results in blow-ups later, so it's actually more effective to get rid of it initially and avoid later explosions.

    In any case, I think 'sharing' these feelings and thoughts tend to elicit other ideas and perspectives, which often helps me grow.

    Furthermore, I do not only act in this way when I have problems or negative thoughts and feelings. In fact, sharing is something I do especially when I feel positively or have a 'gush' of ideas. When sifting through thoughts and feelings to try to make sense of everything and put them together in a mosaic, it's often more beneficial to do it with others out loud (at least for me), which is one reason I love discussions and engaging in fora so often.

    Would you classify this as pity? I wouldn't. Sharing positive and negative thoughts, feelings and ideas in order to get some feedback is not a way to be an attention whore or a crazy idiot or a pity-seeking, sad-ass, pathetic nincompoop, but rather a way of 'sifting' and 'making sense' of things or just relieving tension within my mind/heart/soul.

    However, I guess the key thing is - how do you define pity? I'm not really sure, but its connotation has something negative and non-productive about it. So as long as the sharing process and the empathy lead to a productive improvement or solution or better situation, I don't think it is pity or pity-seeking. But just whining and bitching to drive other people crazy that doesn't make anyone feel better or alleviate the situation is not good.
    If you are interested in language, words, linguistics, or foreign languages, check out my blog and read, post, and/or share.

  4. #304
    Senior Member ENFJ_Catholic's Avatar
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    There's a sense of venting, I would agree with this. Thanks for rephrasing the original post, Antisocial One.
    "In the end it is not a matter of reason; it is a matter of love." - St. Thomas More

  5. #305
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post
    Although I tend to engage in a lot of venting to 'free' myself of negative feelings and emotions, I wouldn't say I pity myself. Not getting rid of negative feelings often results in blow-ups later, so it's actually more effective to get rid of it initially and avoid later explosions.

    In any case, I think 'sharing' these feelings and thoughts tend to elicit other ideas and perspectives, which often helps me grow.

    Furthermore, I do not only act in this way when I have problems or negative thoughts and feelings. In fact, sharing is something I do especially when I feel positively or have a 'gush' of ideas. When sifting through thoughts and feelings to try to make sense of everything and put them together in a mosaic, it's often more beneficial to do it with others out loud (at least for me), which is one reason I love discussions and engaging in fora so often.

    Would you classify this as pity? I wouldn't. Sharing positive and negative thoughts, feelings and ideas in order to get some feedback is not a way to be an attention whore or a crazy idiot or a pity-seeking, sad-ass, pathetic nincompoop, but rather a way of 'sifting' and 'making sense' of things or just relieving tension within my mind/heart/soul.

    However, I guess the key thing is - how do you define pity? I'm not really sure, but its connotation has something negative and non-productive about it. So as long as the sharing process and the empathy lead to a productive improvement or solution or better situation, I don't think it is pity or pity-seeking. But just whining and bitching to drive other people crazy that doesn't make anyone feel better or alleviate the situation is not good.
    But from my position this can look exactly like self-pity.


    In the real life people are asking if I have something(emotions) I would like to share and I always say "No". So people tend to think I am hidding a lot and they are placing bets on when I will finally explode.

    But this is not happening simply becuse they are misreading me from the start and the main reason is because they are projecting their experiances form the time when they were old as I am now. Or how they would be feeling in my place.



    For an example my SFP father is actually depressed because I have never done anything really stupid. So that he has to pull me out of shit.

  6. #306
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    It makes sense that people who test as feelers are more likely to communicate their feelings, but does this mean they view themselves as more victimized than other types do?

    Having a self-concept of being victimized by life doesn't appear limited to type. I understand that sense of victimization to be the core of self-pity. Crying looks more like a physiological function to me. From what I understand, I would say the majority of people have been victimized in some manner during their lives to varying degrees, but to indulge that mentality is to embrace a kind of entitlement. There is danger in that entitlement distorting one's relationship to the world by justifying an exaggerated role of controlling and dominating others. Bullying is one pure manifestation of self-pity on a much deeper level than a poem or a couple of tears. It's a long demonstrated aspect of human nature that oppressed becomes oppressor. Self-pity (embracing victimization) is the means by which this transition is made. This does not necessarily involve a kind of "heart on the sleeve" style of self-pity, but it does require a way of embracing a sense of personal victimization that leads to entitlement.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  7. #307
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    I think T's tendency to "deal with" emotion by suppressing it can be counterproductive. It causes them to be more accepting of the problems that trigger negative emotions in them, even if said problems stem from an external injustice. "Self pity" is often not about the self at all but about a bigger picture that many feel the need to be vocal about, and rightly so.

  8. #308
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    It may look like self-pity, but self-pity is only a factor if you actually get 'hung up' in that mode. If you're just venting and find that essential to move on and do something, I don't see the problem. We all have our own way of coping. Personally, I find self-pity comes way more into play when you get mad and cynical at the world for a long time, even if you don't whine to anyone about it. It's way more disruptive for your personal growth and health as it can be a vicious cycle you cannot get out of anymore.
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  9. #309
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    Self pity? I've never seen an NF in that mode. Well, I hardly know any NF's. NF's can get into vicious cycles of joy, frustration, idealism, and disillusionment. That might cause self pity.

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