So I'm going to go ahead and say this topic is freaking me right out. There's people who "mirror" and like it? Well, I'm aware of the meaning of mirroring, say, body language, and as far as I know I'm conscious of avoiding mirroring, and if I mimic other people's language I'm aware of doing it and it generally has a sarcastic tone... and there may be other stuff that I'm not aware of (and I don't like that idea, but it may be true.)
So, I suppose I gotta ask, all you mirror-ers, are there people you don't need to mirror? I mean, people you don't need to work at copying to be close with. Or even if, say, you meet a dual, do you mirror them, but it's easier because those functions are part of your own?
I mean, am I hanging out with duals and thinking the communication is great, but it's only because they're copying my style? Is that good for them?
I don't really work on getting close to anyone. I want to understand why. And how if possible. I have around 80-90 different personalities in me right now, and not all of them blended into one. I don't choose one that is the EXACT of yours. That would be impossible and also obsolete. I need to understand your responses, right? So how do I get a response from you the most? By being someone else. It's quite simple, isn't it?
But with common ground somewhere.
No I definitely do not change my values and truths just to get along or fit in with people
I will adapt
behavior to get along with people. I will observe people and how they interact and mimic what seems to be successful mainly because I have weak social skills. I would say I am "learning" more than "mirroring". I admit that many things people say and do socially puzzle me. It seems so mediocre and fake sometimes, and I wonder how it is people bond and interact under these terms. I wonder why my natural way is so "wrong".... Someone told me that introverted people often have to "act" to a degree socially to be successful, and that's what I feel like. I really don't like it though, and it's exhausting.
Well, in my opinion, I don't act. I just play a lie for my own mind.
And it is not for the sole goal of getting along nor fitting in. Who cares about fitting in anyhow?
It's about rendering the personality that I like the most out of as many options as possible. Not really for the sake of others but myself. And I do want to learn how to handle someone that I don't get at all. And I get to know small personal truths that wouldn't have reached me otherwise. I must admit that I have somewhat lessened in the degree of mirroring nowadays, I am quite cool with what I have gotten but there's still much much more!
Actually, this raises a question I've been thinking about, namely, harmony. More exactly, the difference between:
taking advantage of conventions to create and maintain feeling, and
negotiating possibilities and creating reality.
Taking advantage of conventions is, like,--simple example--using "Hi, how are you?" because the answer is, and should, be, "I'm fine. How are you?" One knows what's supposed to happen in reply, so one uses the gambit to get that reply.
Negotiating possibilities is, like,--again with a simple, possibly wrong, example--using "Hi, how are you?" and expecting in reply a statement of actual state, something that doesn't follow the form, but instead answers the question as if it were real.
If I were thinking I might try being rude, I'd suggest the difference between the two is the difference between S and N. But I don't think it is. Coz everyone's got an S and an N.
I don't do nice replies. I hate nice replies. Nice replies are for those that cannot admit how they are. Sure, I do mirror. Sure, I lie to myself sometimes so much that the reality of mine isn't what it is for others. Well, it ain't anyway even if I am the one I am deep below the crust. But I still give the most honest answer I can at the time. Do I feel bad at the time, I tell whom ever ask that answer. I don't need to lie in a lie. That's nothing but a mess.
During "someone else" I may not always be in contact with the mind inside. It does not exist. Why should it? I am who I am, am I not?
The price of management is eternal vigilance.
Nonetheless, mirroring is, presumably, a tool of harmony. If people are in sync, or think they're in sync, they can share positive feeling more easily.
I guess.
Is that the real reason? Or is it just learning?
It's never just learning. It's also teaching.
Something that is amiss though is that it's not about fitting in. It's about finding common ground in a world of chaos and share. I'll never get your experiences, but I want them.
You'll never get mine, but I believe you want them.
I also like to play with my mind to see how far I can go. It sure as hell gets painful but also painless and wonderful.
I mean isn't it obvious?
To understand someone and to be able to communicate your truths in their level.
And to receive their truths in their level and to actually understand it.
Anyhow, it's also a shell. But that's a defense mechanism that isn't always conscious.
I can't understand why this would be wrong.
I have my values inside. In a protected vault. They may change when I find that another value is of more importance. Or creates a larger impact.
At least I can say I have been there and seen somewhat what others have, but that does not mean that I agree. It only means that I've found a tunnel of communication.
I hope I fall apart in my reasoning. That would give me a jolt.
