User Tag List

First 123 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 27

  1. #11
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    7,233

    Default

    Sounds like she's looking for something that he's not really ready to provide. You can't really force your dad to open up his feelings. That's something that usually happens when people have to do some immediate introspection due to some grave life circumstances.

    If it gets really bad, your mom will start pulling away and that might cause your dad to reflect on himself, but probably not. If your mom is happy enough and finds spiritual/emotional nourishment outside of the marriage (not in a cheating way, but in a healthy way) then no problem. If she doesn't and craves it, maybe it's better that she find a new partner. Either way, I don't think this is something you need to interfere with. It'll work itself out on its own.

    Good luck.

  2. #12
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    I can't think of anything more disheartening than being in a relationship where you're miserable, but your partner refuses to acknowledge anything is wrong.

    I think maybe you could try and talk with you dad and try to make him understand that your mom is genuinely unhappy, and not just being overly dramatic. I've found that the best place to talk to my dad about anything is in the car, riding somewhere while he's driving. Something about that side-by-side communication makes him open up, where if I'd talked to him about it face-to-face, he'd have been defensive.

    Having said that, my parents can't communicate for crap, and I've tried to talk to both of them about it. They each believe they're right, and it drives me nuts. You can try and help them see, but after that, back off. They're adults, and if you keep pushing it, they'll resent you being in the middle.
    Something Witty

  3. #13
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    937 so/sx
    Posts
    6,226

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by NashK View Post
    Actually, my mother has been seeing someone, but my dad won't agree to come along. He feels everything is great. And my mother isn't strong enough to convince him.
    Difficult. It sounds as though your father is either unwilling or incapable of recognizing that your mother is unhappy. He needs to hear it clear that his marriage may be in danger. From your mother. She can soften this by saying she needs an impartial third party to try to help her sort out some of the feelings she has been having.

    I don't what else to say - it is common for one spouse to not want to attend counselling. Hopefully your father will recognize how important this is to your mother and they come together as a team.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I've found that the best place to talk to my dad about anything is in the car, riding somewhere while he's driving. Something about that side-by-side communication makes him open up, where if I'd talked to him about it face-to-face, he'd have been defensive.
    Funnily, this is good advice - as long as you don't have the chat on a busy freeway! LOL! Country roads work better.

  4. #14
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INfp
    Enneagram
    9w1 sp/sx
    Socionics
    INFp None
    Posts
    5,295

    Default

    Man, I wish you the best of luck. As a child, there's only so much you can do, though. Most parents simply won't let their children exert that much influence over them.

    Your efforts may be better suited in trying to help your brothers and sisters cope. The young INFP especially. 13 is a horrible age for an INFP to face a parental meltdown, and your healing efforts could make a huge difference.

    Quote Originally Posted by NashK View Post
    father is an ISTP
    Your dad is somewhat atypical for ISTP. ISTPs are generally quite good at being patient and calm listeners to people that need to vent a bit.

    Quote Originally Posted by NashK View Post
    Actually, my mother has been seeing someone, but my dad won't agree to come along. He feels everything is great. And my mother isn't strong enough to convince him.
    Bottom line, until both partners feel that something needs to be fixed, nothing will get fixed. Period.

    I'm not surprised your dad thinks everything is fine - your mom won't show him any of her true angst. The town loves/ is jealous of her. He gets to experience the happy fun ENFP vibes while others get the negative side of her. Why would he even WANT to notice?

    Dad will quit feeling everything is great when Mom quits being happy and exciting on the surface. When he can't enjoy her on that level, he'll care. Whether or not your mom can or should deprive him of that so he is forced to notice... well, I must admit that's above my head at that point. Could backlash pretty bad.

    Edit: I also like Tallulah's advice about talking in the car, when not face to face.

  5. #15
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    937 so/sx
    Posts
    6,226

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Your efforts may be better suited in trying to help your brothers and sisters cope. The young INFP especially. 13 is a horrible age for an INFP to face a parental meltdown, and your healing efforts could make a huge difference.
    Good thoughts there Udog.

    (I never told you I loved Underdog btw! )

  6. #16
    Reigning Bologna Princess Rajah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7
    Posts
    1,774

    Default

    I'm sorry to be blunt... but why do you think this is your problem?


    I... suppose. Yeah!

  7. #17
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w6
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    6,075

    Default

    Why do you know about their sex life?

  8. #18
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    4,209

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    Why do you know about their sex life?
    Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, you're old enough to learn the makings of a man.

  9. #19
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    JINX
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    5,759

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    Why do you know about their sex life?
    Yeah, that's a fairly clear sign that the child has taken on a role in the family that just shouldn't exist... like.. ever.

    My mom and ex-stepdad used to both bitch about their sex life to me, in lurid detail. It was appropriate in their minds because I'd taken on the role of "marriage counselor" and surrendered the role of "child" long ago.


    It actually started happening again with my mom and her new husband..
    I brought that to a screeching halt.. had to be blunt, and they were taken aback, and looked awkward.

    But they should feel that way. Sheesh.



    Furthermore.. just as I wouldn't want my mother trying to work out my romantic relationships.. it's not within your capacity.. or responsibility.. to fix your parents' relationship. I know it's hard to watch people you care about struggle.. but certain things must be learned on the part of the individual, through their own experiences, and trials n' errors.
    Have to let people fall down sometimes.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  10. #20
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INfp
    Enneagram
    9w1 sp/sx
    Socionics
    INFp None
    Posts
    5,295

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rajah View Post
    I'm sorry to be blunt... but why do you think this is your problem?
    *Sigh* INFP. It's what we do. I spent 9 years trying to save my mom from herself before I finally realized there's nothing I can do. Hopefully Nash doesn't make the same mistake... but... he's INFP. He'll do what he feels he needs to do.

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFP] This INTJ writer needs help with creating a realistic ENFP protagonist!
    By spectregrey in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 06-01-2017, 04:35 PM
  2. [INTP] Need help understanding my INTP, from an ENFP [affair?]
    By ladysummerquantum in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 06-22-2016, 11:10 AM
  3. [INFJ] Need help understanding my INFJ mom.
    By deleyd in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 04-29-2009, 09:07 AM
  4. Need help typing my lady friend!
    By JocktheMotie in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 12-15-2008, 04:31 PM
  5. GUYS, I need help typing my manfriend!
    By Hotherym in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 55
    Last Post: 06-12-2008, 11:34 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO