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  1. #11
    Senior Member Jonathanthegreat's Avatar
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    how to entice an INFJ? be realllllllllly weird and sexy.

  2. #12
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathanthegreat View Post
    how to entice an INFJ? be realllllllllly weird and sexy.
    Doesn't work with conservative, constantly active, and highly spiritual Lutheran INFJs.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  3. #13
    Member Nat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Be clear that you want them around (they are super-sensitive to busyness, potential rejection, abstraction, impatience, annoyance etc)

    Consistent character no matter who you are with. (especially in how you treat other people and how authentically yourself you are)

    Don't debate for sport. Only do it if you truly want a discussion. INFJs will only show their interests, passions, opinions and beliefs to those who really want to know and who are respectful of the privilege they are being given. Otherwise you don't get to know any more or you need to apologize and proceed carefully. This also goes for mocking anything that the INFJ holds near and dear - ideas, places, people, work. They don't bother spending time with too many things they don't really care about.

    Care passionately about something and share what it is and why you are so excited about it.

    Share your thoughts/thought processes. INFJs don't like being left to guess and usually assume the worst, making them rather emotional (and unattractive to NTs). They also do better if you resolve conflict rather than leaving it be.

    Make them feel comfortable before they are thrown into a situation. Two of my boyfriends in the past won me over by teaching me something and making me feel confident at it.

    Pay attention to details and remember them. One boyfriend surprised me with the Charlie Brown Christmas movie (a yearly tradition for me) and my favorite flavour of ice cream months after I had mentioned them.

    Allow INFJ to do things for you and show your appreciation for their thoughtfulness. They almost can't not give, but they also like people to notice that they have tried really hard.

    Tell them why you like them, were interested in becoming friends (dating,whatever). They like knowing how other people view them and what makes them stand out.

    Curiosity is attractive to INFJs. So is people who are good at fixing things and the practical aspects of life, while still being able to talk as an N.

    Criticism is something that you need to do very carefully. It often is taken personally even if meant very impersonally by an NT as an observation or statement.

    Find ways to show that you are thinking of them. It may seem like coddling a bit when they know how you feel, but it will pay off. Notes, a wink or a smile across a crowded room, looking for their eyes when you walk into a roomful of people, making traditions for special occasions and so on will all pay great dividends. You people are pretty creative.

    If you need to go into a mental cave to think, say good bye before you leave (preferably not leaving while the INFJ is talking) and if you know, mention when you may be back. Otherwise you risk provoking an emotional response.
    wow, this is so true for me - especially the part in bold.

  4. #14
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nat View Post
    wow, this is so true for me - especially the part in bold.
    Those comments rang very true for me as well...

  5. #15
    Senior Member amelie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Those comments rang very true for me as well...
    Yes, me too. Well said, Fidela.

  6. #16
    Senior Member simpleamazement's Avatar
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    Yes, very true.

  7. #17
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Be clear that you want them around (they are super-sensitive to busyness, potential rejection, abstraction, impatience, annoyance etc)

    Consistent character no matter who you are with. (especially in how you treat other people and how authentically yourself you are)

    Don't debate for sport. Only do it if you truly want a discussion. INFJs will only show their interests, passions, opinions and beliefs to those who really want to know and who are respectful of the privilege they are being given. Otherwise you don't get to know any more or you need to apologize and proceed carefully. This also goes for mocking anything that the INFJ holds near and dear - ideas, places, people, work. They don't bother spending time with too many things they don't really care about.
    I find inconsistencies in people disorienting and threaten trust. I relate to people like a forest creature might. If a person sits still and offer a goody, an INFJ might observe, gradually come closer, but unexpected surprises leave them running. This might be true of other INFs. I really work at forming a holistic picture of a person, so a sudden shock leaves me feeling like I don't know the person at all. When they feel like a stranger suddenly it can be even frightening. I no longer know who they are or what they are capable of doing or thinking.

    These are some very good observations. As an INFJ, I have no pretenses that my thinking is always correct, but whatever conclusions i manage to come to are the result of rather exhaustive analysis. Blatant dismissal can be shocking or hurtful because I don't come to conclusions in such a quick manner. Even if my conclusion is wrong, I appreciate someone willing to listen to my thought process to help me pinpoint where I went wrong, rather than just tossing it all overboard. My attraction is strongly based on someone who can point out my errors in thinking, but also with enough respect to listen to it first. Actually the INTP I'm with did that for me. I know he is more intelligent than I am, but he also respects my mind probably more than any other NT I know*. In the end, my mind is the only thing that I am.

    *disclaimer: to be clear I'm not suggesting there is any lack of respect on any account, but simply that my love especially respects me and that is especially appreciated.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    As an INFJ, I have no pretenses that my thinking is always correct, but whatever conclusions i manage to come to are the result of rather exhaustive analysis. Blatant dismissal can be shocking or hurtful because I don't come to conclusions in such a quick manner. Even if my conclusion is wrong, I appreciate someone willing to listen to my thought process to help me pinpoint where I went wrong, rather than just tossing it all overboard. My attraction is strongly based on someone who can point out my errors in thinking, but also with enough respect to listen to it first. Actually the INTP I'm with did that for me. I know he is more intelligent than I am, but he also respects my mind probably more than any other NT I know. In the end, my mind is the only thing that I am.
    I relate to your comments on thought processes and pointing out errors. That's helpful because you can learn from it.

  9. #19
    Circus Maximus Sarcasticus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Fidelia, I'm going to need you to stop exposing us INFJs. You know we hate that.

    And stop being so insightful. I forbid you. Say no more!
    She is very insightful. Did the rest of you INFJs forget to get her to sign the non-disclosure agreement?

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