[NF] NF's supposedly hate conflict, yet...

[Maverick]

There never seems to be more personal conflict than between NF's. Explain.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

There never seems to be more personal conflict than between NF's. Explain.

You first. Demonstrate your premise first, then let's go from there.

 

[Totenkindly]

You first. Demonstrate your premise first, then let's go from there.

See, look! Arguing already!

(mua ha ha)

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

See, look! Arguing already!

(mua ha ha)

NFs only argue when fully supplied with emoticons.

 

[targobelle]

NFs only argue when fully supplied with emoticons.

where's the conflict? Toonia is right!

 

[Varelse]

Unrealistic expectations?

 

[Totenkindly]

[dancing bassoons -- smileys come marching over the horizon carrying buckets of gasoline to throw on the fire]

Eeek! Run away! Run away!

All right, I'm sorry -- I derailed the thread good.
Please continue to answer Maverick's questions.

 

[targobelle]

what exactly do you mean by personal conflict?

I hate confrontation and conflicts and tend to ignore them. tend to pretend they don't exist even when they do thus they become bigger than they needed to be had I just owned up to it and dealt with the initial issue in the first place.

 

[heart]

I don't like conflict but I won't back down if I feel the situation warrants asserting myself either.

 

[SolitaryWalker]

Conflicts tend to be more common among Sensors than intuitors because they often dont see the big picture and end up quibbling over minor discrepancies. NFs, being the most diplomatic tend to fair best at avoiding conflicts. They, especially INFPs, are very keenly aware of what is worth fighting for. So when they decide to fight, they fight big and stand out, and because they stand out so much, it begins to appear that by their nature they have a lot to do with conflict.

 

[ptgatsby]

To me, it seems like it has a lot to do with neuroticism, which is dominated, at least on this board, by NFs (judging from the FFM tests that were posted... )

(NF) -> (Female dominance) -> (Neurotic) -> Conflict

No proof though, but the conflict seems far less NF driven and far more "sensitive" and "reactionary".

 

[Totenkindly]

No proof though, but the conflict seems far less NF driven and far more "sensitive" and "reactionary".

That is what I would deem the conflicts as, if I had to pick. Otherwise, NFs will avoid confrontation. I can't begin to tell you how often I have to almost beg them to be nasty with me, just so I can understand what might be bothering them under the surface.

(I know with most INFPs I've known, they use such general terms and abstractions to avoid friction that I am not exactly sure what the problem is, and I have to basically play 20 Questions until they nod to me and say I figured out what has been bothering them.)

 

[heart]

(I know with most INFPs I've known, they use such general terms and abstractions to avoid friction that I am not exactly sure what the problem is, and I have to basically play 20 Questions until they nod to me and say I figured out what has been bothering them.)

This is funny. I will tell people flat out, honest, blunt what the problem is and I will still get the blank or amused look from them. I often feel like I am speaking a different language than they understand.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Conflicts tend to be more common among Sensors than intuitors because they often dont see the big picture and end up quibbling over minor discrepancies. NFs, being the most diplomatic tend to fair best at avoiding conflicts. They, especially INFPs, are very keenly aware of what is worth fighting for. So when they decide to fight, they fight big and stand out, and because they stand out so much, it begins to appear that by their nature they have a lot to do with conflict.

Spot on.

I typically enter a conflict if it seems it will reduce future conflicts. Any conflict is an investment because it depletes the NF. I attempt to conceptualize the big picture and determine which battles are most worth fighting to get the best result long term. I can't say i ever 'enjoy' any conflict though. Short-term conflicts can promote long-term tolerance and peace.

 

[nightning]

There never seems to be more personal conflict than between NF's. Explain.

Hmmmm... just because we dislike conflict doesn't mean we wouldn't bring something up if it truly violates our sense of right and wrong. I'm guessing it doesn't happen often because we try so hard to avoid it... The sense of how life and things ought to be is quite strong in NFs. All other differences can be set aside but that. Perhaps that's why conflicts are so personal... because we value that so much.

(The more I try to explain... it seems like the less clarity there is )

 

[Totenkindly]

This is funny. I will tell people flat out, honest, blunt what the problem is and I will still get the blank or amused look from them. I often feel like I am speaking a different language than they understand.

That's odd. I wonder if it's because what is clear to you is not clear to them, or whether the orientation you're approaching things from is just too abstract... or? (I have no idea!)

If you do manage to be blunt, that's good. (Your posts seem to show a willingness to be pointed, when you feel you need to be.) I think age and experience also helps a great deal to round things out.

 

[heart]

That's odd. I wonder if it's because what is clear to you is not clear to them, or whether the orientation you're approaching things from is just too abstract... or? (I have no idea!)

If you do manage to be blunt, that's good. (Your posts seem to show a willingness to be pointed, when you feel you need to be.) I think age and experience also helps a great deal to round things out.

That point was honed on the type of people I am describing.

I get as clear and concrete as is possible for myself. I have even sent emails with points clearly made out in text. I feel it is important to give hurtful people who have been important to me or related to me a fair chance to change before distancing myself.

 

[SolitaryWalker]

The sense of how life and things ought to be is quite strong in NFs. All other differences can be set aside but that.

(The more I try to explain... it seems like the less clarity there is )

This has little to do with the quiddity of 'NFness' and more to do with Introverted Intuition. And to a lesser degree, J-ness. (Taking a directive approach to the external world)

 

[ptgatsby]

Conflicts tend to be more common among Sensors than intuitors because they often dont see the big picture and end up quibbling over minor discrepancies. NFs, being the most diplomatic tend to fair best at avoiding conflicts. They, especially INFPs, are very keenly aware of what is worth fighting for. So when they decide to fight, they fight big and stand out, and because they stand out so much, it begins to appear that by their nature they have a lot to do with conflict.

I wonder how you came to this conclusion - any evidence? I mean, is it based around Beren's social styles? TKI inventories? Did Jung or Myers say anything about this?

Cause in almost every case of mapping type to conflict styles, the nature of interactions/conflict is not based around N/S at all... it is historically based across two dimensions - people and tasks (namely, F/T and J/P)... The degree of conflict has been found along the lines of neuroticism and depending on the conflict being talked about, extroversion... Leaving, ironically, only the N/S divide as the only one that has never been deemed relevent.

Tests like Disc and Firo... they are based around the managerial grid model, just as social styles and nearly every conflict measurement system out there does... So just to sum up - they all use some form of F/T and J/P, some more modern ones will use neuroticism. Almost all use a gradient or quantrant approach, meaning no absolutes. And I don't know of any conflict inventories that use N/S/Openess/etc.

 

[Maverick]

To me, it seems like it has a lot to do with neuroticism, which is dominated, at least on this board, by NFs (judging from the FFM tests that were posted... )

(NF) -> (Female dominance) -> (Neurotic) -> Conflict

No proof though, but the conflict seems far less NF driven and far more "sensitive" and "reactionary".

That makes sense. The correspondance between the I/E, S/N and P/J MBTI dimensions and the FFM factors is clearer than for F/T. I think A+/N- would represent the NF as decribed by Keirsey. However, there are also A+/N+ and A-/N+ NF's, the latter seeming more prone to starting conflicts.