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  1. #81
    Senior Member Liesl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maverick View Post
    There never seems to be more personal conflict than between NF's. Explain.
    Oh, this is actually very easy to explain. I'll explain it from my point of view; not all NFs will agree with every single part of this.

    NF often seek harmony in relationships. That doesn't mean they just want relationships to 'appear' harmonious or that they quickly dismiss their own needs so that things work well. They're actually invested in understanding other people and being understood themselves, deeply and profoundly. Genuine harmony is seen as one of the ultimate goals in a relationship.

    On the road to understanding other people, there are often conflicts and arguments as you reconcile different opinions, needs, and interests. While other types tend to ignore certain levels of conflict, dismiss certain conflicts, or leave the relationship rather than explore the conflict, for NFs, it's really important to 'know' another human being for who they truly are, so they face the conflict.

    Basically, we delve deeper into ourselves and other people instead of ignoring or minimizing aspects of ourselves that would cause conflict.

    It may also be helpful for you to understand that for many NFs, relationships are the masterpieces of their life, somewhat like jobs or projects are the masterpieces for other types. We prioritize intrapersonal and interpersonal knowledge pretty highly, so it's less likely that we're quickly going to dismiss a conflict and spend our time doing something else (work, play, etc).

  2. #82
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I don't have a lot of conflict in my life. I am very drama-free & always have been. I watch other people's lives play out like soap operas and it puzzles me.

    I especially don't have conflict with other NFs I know (we get along very well), and I don't see them as drama magnets either. Honestly, if we're stereotyping based on the small sampling of our personal observation, I'd say that ESFx types are the ones with constant conflict in their life....

    And yes, conflict occurs in life inevitably, but it's all in how you deal with it. I tend to avoid pointless, hostile confrontations as they don't lead to anything productive. I will become assertive and tackle unpleasant situations if necessary, but most of what people argue over & criticize others for is petty. I would rather bow out and not deal with it if it appears the outcome will not be worth the emotional drain of the conflict. Or I will seek an approach that is appealing & reasonable, not browbeating someone into submission. Not to say I am never petty, but outside of my close family I rarely have problems with other people. Being low key and keeping people at arm's length helps with that also.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  3. #83
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    I dislike conflict and confrontation but if I feel that it is necessary to stand my ground, or to argue my point or defend myself, I will. Why wouldn't I? I notice that the 'personal conflicts' are usually between NFs and NTs or NFs vs the uncertain NFs or the ones who don't believe themselves to be NFs but aren't categorized as something else (in this forum recently). Oh yeah, we don't bicker over the little stuff. When we decide to bicker, we go out of proportions with it so it's very noticeable.

    Oh yeah, I realize that if you are aggressive back to people, they will just up their aggression level and nothing will be resolved or changed. Fighting aggression with aggression is completely useless and inefficient. Instead, I am calm and indifferent. I don't let them get to me. If they are someone I care about, I make a point for them to know where I am coming from. But if not, if it's not worth it, I don't spend the energy.

  4. #84
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    I do not seek conflict but i can be confrontational, which may develop into conflict.
    The reason for this (often) is my strong sense of personal morals. I say personal morals as they can not be defined by state, religion or even law.
    When someone oversteps the mark, esp when it is for their own gain and regardless of anyone else, then we have confrontation.
    (bureaucracy can induce this in me also)

    Conflict within myself is fairly minimal but has a definate existance. It can be frustrating contradicting oneself
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  5. #85
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    Conflict to me involves "sensorship".

    No really, what I mean is, lately the only conflicts i would have with others would be because they are Intuitives and i am a sensor, albeit with a slight understanding of intuitive intent as well as language usage. So, conflict these days - for me - goes something like this:

    me: You cut down my Rose of Sharon Tree on purpose.
    Intuitive perp: Oh, no love, it was an accident.
    me: speechless - because of both my own need to resolve something as well as that ever so slight understanding of what the fucking Intuitive is really saying. I just don't have a good come-back to that so, yeah, they win I guess.

    Or even if i do try to use Intuitive language, it still doesn't actually get resolved:
    Me: I know it was an accident when you cut down my Rose of Sharon Tree.
    Intuitive perp: Yeah, it was an accident. I'll buy you a new one.

    Now, any intuitive here in his or her right mind will know EXACTLY what just went on in the conversation above.

    So you see, these sorts of conflicts never ever get truly resolved because of the "language barrier", so I don't even try anymore when i'm almost sure I'm dealing with an Intuitive.



    which, by the way, it the basic reason i don't have - DON'T HAVE - any good friends. They - friends in my youth who i always felt were good guys - all seem to have turned out to be Intuitive types who now, absolutely refuse to accommodate me by joining me in my own little world of sensory small talk, activities and so on.

  6. #86
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    ^
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #87
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GemPOPGem View Post
    I do not seek conflict but i can be confrontational, which may develop into conflict.
    The reason for this (often) is my strong sense of personal morals. I say personal morals as they can not be defined by state, religion or even law.
    When someone oversteps the mark, esp when it is for their own gain and regardless of anyone else, then we have confrontation.
    (bureaucracy can induce this in me also)

    Conflict within myself is fairly minimal but has a definate existance. It can be frustrating contradicting oneself
    #1 - I'm both creeped out and fascinated by GemPOPGem's avatar.
    #2 - I completely identify with what GemPOPGem wrote. I think this is the Fi thing kickin' in. Especially the part about how personal morals cannot be defined by external sources like government or codes of conduct. For me, being moral is adhering to the principals that these secondary sources used as the bases for their ethical systems. Thus, Fi versus Fe. The Golden Rule is Fi. The Ten Commandments seems more Fe.

    If my Fi senses a violation of what is right.... Well all bets are off. Hell hath no fury as an ENFP who is delivering an Fi bitchslap.

    Quote Originally Posted by GemPOPGem View Post
    I say personal morals as they can not be defined by state, religion or even law. When someone oversteps the mark...then we have confrontation.

  8. #88
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bcvcdc View Post
    Conflict to me involves "sensorship".

    No really, what I mean is, lately the only conflicts i would have with others would be because they are Intuitives and i am a sensor, albeit with a slight understanding of intuitive intent as well as language usage. So, conflict these days - for me - goes something like this:

    me: You cut down my Rose of Sharon Tree on purpose.
    Intuitive perp: Oh, no love, it was an accident.
    me: speechless - because of both my own need to resolve something as well as that ever so slight understanding of what the fucking Intuitive is really saying. I just don't have a good come-back to that so, yeah, they win I guess.

    Or even if i do try to use Intuitive language, it still doesn't actually get resolved:
    Me: I know it was an accident when you cut down my Rose of Sharon Tree.
    Intuitive perp: Yeah, it was an accident. I'll buy you a new one.

    Now, any intuitive here in his or her right mind will know EXACTLY what just went on in the conversation above.

    So you see, these sorts of conflicts never ever get truly resolved because of the "language barrier", so I don't even try anymore when i'm almost sure I'm dealing with an Intuitive.



    which, by the way, it the basic reason i don't have - DON'T HAVE - any good friends. They - friends in my youth who i always felt were good guys - all seem to have turned out to be Intuitive types who now, absolutely refuse to accommodate me by joining me in my own little world of sensory small talk, activities and so on.
    OK, there are many things about this post that confuse me.

    First of all, your profile says you are an INTx. But in your post, you say you're an intuitive. So which is it? And, why the disparity.

    Secondly, I do think that "sensorship" does happen. Once I FINALLY got the differences between S and N (and no I don't mean just reading a bullet pointed list, but truly getting how the S worldview was sooooooooo different from mine) then I realized I had been doing a little "sensorship" myself. (I really like that term, btw.)

    But the argument you presented doesn't really seem to be an S/N thing. So I don't understand. Please explain more.


  9. #89
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    But the argument you presented doesn't really seem to be an S/N thing. So I don't understand. Please explain more.
    ok, i'll give it my very best: first off, Intuitives and sensors speak two completely different languages. I, personally, am NOT an intuitive and I don't actually understand most of what you Intuitive types are really saying, though I sometimes do have a very vague notion. So, the argument i presented, represents the language style of the Intuitive clashing with the different sort of language the sensor would probably use. When sensor says "you cut down my Rose of Sharon Tree on purpose", this is pretty much exactly, and I mean literally, what she means. But the erudite Intuitive likes to play little games with language. Many times they like to use a kind of opposite approach to the problem. So then when the Intuitive says "no love, it was an accident, what they actually mean is they did it on purpose*."

    *on purpose in the way a sensor would define it - i.e. literally.

    got it now?

  10. #90
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    I wouldn't say that I'm conflict avoidant and I don't have any problems with asserting myself if need be. I've never been in a physical fight, and it's atypical for me to verbally spar with people(unless the debate is of the intellectual kind), but for various reasons, I have and I will.
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

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