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  1. #41
    Senior Member indigo2020's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    Spot on.

    I typically enter a conflict if it seems it will reduce future conflicts. Any conflict is an investment because it depletes the NF. I attempt to conceptualize the big picture and determine which battles are most worth fighting to get the best result long term. I can't say i ever 'enjoy' any conflict though. Short-term conflicts can promote long-term tolerance and peace.
    well said Toonia.
    People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.
    Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes
    US cartoonist (1958 - )

  2. #42
    Senior Member indigo2020's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ptgatsby View Post
    I wonder how you came to this conclusion - any evidence? I mean, is it based around Beren's social styles? TKI inventories? Did Jung or Myers say anything about this?

    Cause in almost every case of mapping type to conflict styles, the nature of interactions/conflict is not based around N/S at all... it is historically based across two dimensions - people and tasks (namely, F/T and J/P)... The degree of conflict has been found along the lines of neuroticism and depending on the conflict being talked about, extroversion... Leaving, ironically, only the N/S divide as the only one that has never been deemed relevent.

    Tests like Disc and Firo... they are based around the managerial grid model, just as social styles and nearly every conflict measurement system out there does... So just to sum up - they all use some form of F/T and J/P, some more modern ones will use neuroticism. Almost all use a gradient or quantrant approach, meaning no absolutes. And I don't know of any conflict inventories that use N/S/Openess/etc.
    your reply demonstrates BW's point superbly.
    People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.
    Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes
    US cartoonist (1958 - )

  3. #43
    Senior Member ptgatsby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by indigo2020 View Post
    your reply demonstrates BW's point superbly.
    Please, do explain.

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by indigo2020 View Post
    can you give us an example?
    Here are some of the milder ones:

    "You must stop calling me and screaming into phone at me when you are drunk."

    "Please stop bad mouthing K's wife I feel uncomfortable put in the middle of this. If you want her to be more open to contact with you, my honest advice is to start being more civil to her, but leave me out of it."

    "Please stop constantly critcizing your son. I am his wife and I get tired of hearing it. Have some respect and stop using me as a dumping ground for your disappointments with him."

  5. #45
    Senior Member indigo2020's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ptgatsby View Post
    Please, do explain.
    I was attempting (badly) to make a joke about BW's first post on this thread where he says that sensors tend to nitpick (I am paraphrasing here) far more than do intuitives. I was a little tired and did not get the smiley on the end of my sentence so you would see it was a joke and I am exhausted now so try to imagine their is a great big wonderful smilie. Ciao.
    People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.
    Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes
    US cartoonist (1958 - )

  6. #46
    Senior Member Sahara's Avatar
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    I dislike conflict so they tell me, yet that doesn't explain the way I seem to end up in conflict all the time lol.

    Sometimes I may back down from asserting myself, but lately in the last year or so I seem to be the one heading the conflict, getting into fights outside or flame wars online all because I refuse to back down.

    Disliking conflict is purely based on my mood at this moment in time, I never know when to pinpoint the mood shift, but when it happens I seem to seek out conflict.

    Maybe it helps that I am an activist against a certain type of fundamentlism, so I have a target when I am looking for conflict, but even friends fall in the line of fire at those moments.

    Someone once described Te as seeming like a bully, and I wonder if that is where my desire for conflict froms?

    (I'm a nice person, really I am, just maybe a tad too aggressive lol)
    "No one can be free of the chains that surround them"

  7. #47
    Senior Member indigo2020's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Here are some of the milder ones:

    "You must stop calling me and screaming into phone at me when you are drunk."

    "Please stop bad mouthing K's wife I feel uncomfortable put in the middle of this. If you want her to be more open to contact with you, my honest advice is to start being more civil to her, but leave me out of it."

    "Please stop constantly critcizing your son. I am his wife and I get tired of hearing it. Have some respect and stop using me as a dumping ground for your disappointments with him."
    I can see that the words you use are very different than the words I would use. It seems (and I hate to say this because I don't want to stereotype anyone) that INFP's in general are very poetic and flowery in their speech even when they are upset and "telling someone off" whereas INFJ's are very blunt (and even sarcastic) even when we are telling someone how much we love them (which is generally expressed very differently than INFP's).

    Here is my totally off the cuff list of how the different types "tell someone off":

    INTJ: you are interfering with my radon particle scanner!
    INTP: what do you mean I can only check out 100 books!!!???
    INFP: I don't think you should speak to me that way.
    INFJ: You'd better be nice to me or I'll bite you!
    ISTJ: When I tell you to jump, you say, "how high?"
    ISFJ: Oh, don't mind me, I always have a heart attack after dinner.
    ISFP: You cannot label me. I will not have it.
    ISTP: What are you so upset about?
    ENTJ: I am the smartest one. It's been proven. Don't even bother.
    ENTP: I love people. What an idiot! Did you see that?
    ENFP: I don't think you really like me. Do you?
    ENFJ: Why do I have to do everything around here? It's not fair!
    ESFJ: I don't trust you. Now tell me why I should.
    ESFP: I'm done with you. No, come back. No, I am done with you. Wait!
    ESTP: Talk to the hand, baby, talk to the hand.
    ESTJ: Why would you think you could possibly know anything I don't know?

    People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.
    Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes
    US cartoonist (1958 - )

  8. #48
    Senior Member Sahara's Avatar
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    They were mild heart lol, my experiences this weekend were that the milder ones just don't work.

    "please respect my need to be alone" didn't work, "you need to understand that I am a recluse and I don;t want to come over" didn't work, "Honestly, going to see them causes me alot of emotional upset, and if you respected me you wouldn't be trying to make me go" also didn't work.

    What worked?

    "Listen idiot, I told you 10 times in the nicest way possible that I am not going, if you don;t like it then you can f*ck right off"
    "No one can be free of the chains that surround them"

  9. #49
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sahara View Post
    They were mild heart lol, my experiences this weekend were that the milder ones just don't work.
    "please respect my need to be alone" didn't work, "you need to understand that I am a recluse and I don;t want to come over" didn't work, "Honestly, going to see them causes me alot of emotional upset, and if you respected me you wouldn't be trying to make me go" also didn't work.
    What worked?
    "Listen idiot, I told you 10 times in the nicest way possible that I am not going, if you don;t like it then you can f*ck right off"
    But that's not "conflict" -- that's just pragmatic problem resolution!

    Sigh. Sometimes people just have to given the 'straight answer.'
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #50
    Senior Member Sahara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    But that's not "conflict" -- that's just pragmatic problem resolution!

    Sigh. Sometimes people just have to given the 'straight answer.'
    The thing is they were using my Fi to guilt me into going to see my family (shudder), it was conflict as in the end I had to switch off my phone as yet another row broke out at the way I handled it, especially seeing as how I gave them all a verbal thrashing for 30yrs of pain in my life lol

    So conflict came out of me having to say it harsh, being assertive with these people doesn;t work, they keep coming at me, knowing that the old me would be assertive for all of 3 tries from them and then I would give in. Now I don;t give in, and can go all mental rage girl if they keep trying.

    I don;t avoid conflict as much as I used to.
    "No one can be free of the chains that surround them"

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