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  1. #91
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    yes, for me anyways, I hate conflict. But sometimes I get sick of the self rightesnous that NFs sometimes come off with,because of ideals, and I'll admit I ccan come off very self righteous, but I try not to I try to look at things from a different perspective, and then when you point out an NFs flaws they get angry at you. Instead of being like maybe this person has a valid point, its more like NO THAT CAN"T BE TRUE. excuse excuse excuse. So I'm pretty conflict avoidant, and its more of I choose my conflicts carefully and sometimes I just feel like being an ass, and starting shit because it is entertaining to watch the other person getting pissed. yeah yeah, I'm bit of an asshole.

  2. #92
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    I don't hate conflict :/ I think it's important to personal growth.
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  3. #93
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    I very rarely have conflict with NFs IRL so I wouldn't say this is representative. Its different when you are on the internet because written conflict isn't as repelling to me as when it is verbal. But it does need to be acknowledged that there is a spectrum of NFs and we don't necessarily posses the exact same values. Even among INFPs there are e4 and e9s who aren't going to see entirely eye to eye.

    IRL I do argue ocassionally because I can be rather passionate and opinionated but mostly it makes me rather uncomfortable being around it and I keep well out of it. When I am involved in conflict its usually when someone pushes me way too far or when I have a political discussion with my ESTJ sister that somehow escalates out of control . Like someone else said, in general we avoid it but sometimes we feel compelled to assert our values.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  4. #94
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Scratch that idea. Conflict, at times, can be healing and necessary. Why would I hate something that's a part of normal life?

    What I hate is irrational, unnecessary conflict. Not conflict itself.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
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  5. #95
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    There is one assumption underlying conflict that I question. If someone is pressuring you to go visit, or make a phone call, or engage in some type of interaction that you have chosen not to, there is an assumption that some sort of language must be used to convince them of your decision. I have a tendency to attempt to use calm clear communication which often works, but if it doesn't then I leave it to them to discover that my actions will be consistent with my words. I don't have to convince them, so I don't tend to speak harshly. I figure people will learn by seeing me go through with my actions as stated to them earlier. It is a subtle manipulative power to play a role of having to be convinced of someone's intentions before they can go through with it. That dynamic will tend to be a losing battle. It doesn't actually make sense to me either - why another person's comprehension is a requirement for a personal decision that involves oneself and whomever else. It's nice to try to explain, but people just aren't entitled or capable of hearing all the information at times. There needs to be clear boundaries that allow people to make choices based on the complexity and layering of their own life experience.

    I have experienced strong pressure from people in authority and focus on letting people know what they need to know, and then following through with my actions and leave them with their responses. I've also learned that it is important to give only one good reason. Multiple reasons degrade into excuses, so I choose my one best reason and stick to my guns. I have gotten the feeling that responding with increased harshness or aggressiveness can also communicate that I am feeling an increase in pressure from them, which I don't want them to think they can accomplish.

    Conflict at its core is a way of coping with human limitation. It comes to the foreground to highlight those times our individual perspective is limited and warped away from reality. This can be from the logical flaws in an individual's analytical thinking, the warping memories to create a sense of inner cohesion whether negative or position, or in our emotional responses influenced by physiology and fears. The inner distortions that result from ignorance, fear, and anger generate conflict. It is the only reason for conflict to exist. People can grow out of those inner limitations through that means, but they can also reinforce their fears and anger. If every heart and mind had clarity, I doubt there would be a reason for conflict to arise and its best purpose of teaching a different perspective would be made obsolete by more reasoned and empathetic ways of perceiving what is outside our own assumptions and fears.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  6. #96
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    I hate hate conflict,( Im an INFP so...)but its so frustrating to always find myself escaping, avoiding to resolve problems instead I develop this passive/agressive situation with people or I just avoid or "abandon" relationships/situations cause and unresolved issue or conflic...or I just let time pass by....
    Im very calm and I usually dont get myself or develop conflict situations with other people (only me, Im very dramatic with myself), but I cant stand people who love drama and manage to get me, somehow inside their conflicts....

  7. #97
    meinmeinmein! mmhmm's Avatar
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    i think being challenged and challenging thoughts has a great
    underlying tone for open mindedness.

    but people whom constantly point out that the other person
    is wrong without further contributing to the subject at hand
    are incredibly tiresome to be around.
    every normal man must be tempted, at times,
    to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
    and begin slitting throats.
    h.l. mencken

  8. #98
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    I very rarely have conflict with NFs IRL so I wouldn't say this is representative. Its different when you are on the internet because written conflict isn't as repelling to me as when it is verbal. But it does need to be acknowledged that there is a spectrum of NFs and we don't necessarily posses the exact same values. Even among INFPs there are e4 and e9s who aren't going to see entirely eye to eye.

    IRL I do argue ocassionally because I can be rather passionate and opinionated but mostly it makes me rather uncomfortable being around it and I keep well out of it. When I am involved in conflict its usually when someone pushes me way too far or when I have a political discussion with my ESTJ sister that somehow escalates out of control . Like someone else said, in general we avoid it but sometimes we feel compelled to assert our values.
    What is an e4/e9? *curious*

    And in general I can relate to what you said. But above all, I feel like avoiding conflict, or fixing a conflict (on the internet).

  9. #99
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by angell_m View Post
    What is an e4/e9? *curious*

    And in general I can relate to what you said. But above all, I feel like avoiding conflict, or fixing a conflict (on the internet).
    e4 = Enneagram 4
    e9 = Enneagram 9

    There's a separate section on this forum discussing Enneagrams!
    Enneagram: 5w4 5-9-2 (5w4 9w1 2w1) sp/so

    "Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience." - Greg King
    The worst mistake people make in political arguments is assuming that the other side is not trying to do the right thing. This simple oversight makes productive conversation nearly impossible.

  10. #100
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    hah, so my best friend and i are both NFs. she's ENFJ for sure, and i'm somethingNFP. and we are almost scarily on the exact same page, but when we miscommunicate... well, neither of us really dislikes conflict, but we have very individual ways of addressing it. and those get us in trouble.

    she'll feel insulted by something i say that accidentally offends her (usually me insulting something that she has a personal connection to which i don't realize, and she takes it as an insult to herself) or i feel insulted by her not including me (usually her only accounting for herself when we're doing things together, because she figures that i will/would rather account for me).

    i think because we both intuit and feel deeply, we catch onto the deeper meanings that could be read into one another's mistakes (i don't respect her, and she doesn't care about me), and we really take it to heart.

    and then she'll bottle it up inside because she does not really disclose much outward emotion, and i'll get pissed and act grumpy and eventually jump to a poor conclusion, and then we have a row defending ourselves, lol. and we agree that she needs to communicate when she's upset and i need to think more about what i'm going to say before i speak.

    the whole thing would be solved, of course, if we just didn't *care* so much.
    nf issues woooo

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