Yeah I'm not very physical. I think it's being raised by SJ's.
Yeah, it can be due to who raised you, rather than a type specific thing. I think my cultural background makes me a bit more picky about who touches me. If that background wasn't there, I'd probably be more openly affectionate with more people.
I like touch as expression of love and connection, but different levels of touch to different levels of intimacy of course. When I was younger people watching me would believe I was in love with someone because I would touch their arm or something innocent like that. I would be completely surprised to hear this and also somewhat shameful. I think the shame arises when I realize that I am oblivious to how my expressions come over, thus my communication seems out of control - like talking in your sleep or something. Now that I'm older (40) I consider the appropriate level of touch with different people and think I can tell when somebody would rather not supply verbal expressions of having a good time with physical expressions of the same thing. That's cool too!
Luckily my kids like lots of hugs...
Unless it's a mutual thing (like a friend I haven't seen in ages) and appropriate for a certain situation (I dunno....waltzing or something :P) then I don't really see the point for a lot of touching with someone I'm not romantically involved with, no. And female friends get no special treatment in this regard.
Pretty much this, yeah.
But when I'm romantically involved with someone, I'm constantly grabby and physically affectionate with them.
I'm definitely a hugger. I hug all my friends randomly through out the day, even the ones who aren't that big on hugging. Or sometimes I'll just lay my head on their shoulder at lunch. When I'm in a relationship I'm all about some PDA. Not the gross make out in front of people type deal but I love hugging randomly and stuff like that.
Yeah, the ENFP seems like an oxymoron - someone who is so sensitive and likes people and a 'super feeler' and social etc. etc. etc. but isn't very affectionate.
Personally, for a long time I was not comfortable with physical affection but I now attribute that mostly to my upbringing. My immediate family was not physically affectionate or sentimental (bunch of INTs! LOL, no I'm not kidding, they really are)
However, I am extremely affectionate and enjoy being physical with people I date and feel comfortable with.
I think that's the rub - ENFPs generally are NOT touchy feely at all except with the select few who have reached a certain intimacy and trust threshold.
Chalk it all up to Fi, folks!
Seriously, Fi means that touch = intimacy = a big deal. We can be forthcoming and talk about most anything and rattle off random facts and embarassing stories about ourselves because they hold no moral value to or shame over us - not a big deal. I also have no problem telling people my opinions on things (usually in a diplomatic way of course). I yam what I yam and I'm comfortable with that = not a big deal.
Also maybe ENFPs in general are like this, but I have been called a storyteller (for all its good and bad connotations). I like retelling anecdotes of friends and acquaintances (which once in a while gets me in trouble, apparently, not everyone is so free with their stories!) I feel these stories don't necessarily belong to 'me' or the people it happened to, they belong to everyone and no one and I have no need for them to be private.
However, otherwise, I am pathologically secretive. Other people think I attach strange value over everyday things like where I live and am unnecessarily secretive, but they are important to me for reasons that I am well aware of. The fact other people don't know why I'm being secretive is good news to me because I don't want people to know why and where I'm sensitive. I'm not gonna expose my vulnerable spots randomly to the world like that!
Overall, as I've gotten older and Fi has morphed and I've done more work, I'm much more comfortable being physically affectionate. I'm still not what you'd call a "touch feely person". But, I am freely and very physically affectionate with (in no particular order):
1) Children and babies
2) Domesticated mammals, particularly dogs, horses, affectionate cats
3) My partner
4) People I date
I give hugs a lot more easily now too. Once a roommate knocked on my door just to get a hug because she said she felt bad. I was proud of myself for having reached that comfort level with myself that others also felt comfortable with me.
“If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde
^^ yep...could've written that too. i feel more intimate with people than i should at times...like sitting down and chatting with some older woman while we wait for our order at the restaurant type thing...somehow that just happens...feeling intimate with strangers...it's weird...and hugs or other physical styles of affection are just too much sometimes unless we are actually at that point....it's like a wall i have to put up or something....how weird...you people are making me feel weird about myself...never thought so damn much about what i do and why! i'm not so sure i love it. : /
There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
Wow, what a contrast. I like touchy-feely stuff and PDAs, but only with people I'm really close to, and my Fe keeps me from verbal raunchiness (and when a raunchy line comes out at an inappropriate time and place I'll be intensely embarrassed about it for a few days.