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[NF] I am good at writing, but suck at conversing

whimsical

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Unfortunately I cannot go about handing around folded letters of paper containing my deepest thoughts (which by the way are humorously written and interesting to read) and such to random people I have yet to become close with.

why lord

why
 

Costrin

rawr
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Unfortunately I cannot go about handing around folded letters of paper containing my deepest thoughts (which by the way are humorously written and interesting to read) and such to random people I have yet to become close with.

why lord

why

Why can't you?
 

whimsical

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Either they would think I was weird, or that I didn't have the ability to speak, or they would just throw the paper and would not bother to read it at all.
 

Costrin

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Either they would think I was weird, or that I didn't have the ability to speak, or they would just throw the paper and would not bother to read it at all.

But a small minority would read it, and understand.
 
S

Sniffles

Guest
I notice this often with me too. I have problems conversing for long periods without messing up at least once; where my mind will go completely blank and I have no idea what to say or even how to say it properly. This happened earlier today during one conversation. :blush:

Although then again it depends. During Ni moments, I can spout off wonderful insights about any and everything with such clarity it's even amazes me. But afterwards, I'm lucky to forge a coherent sentence asking for somebody to pass the salt.
 

whimsical

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That is probably correct, I have never thought about it that way, but now that I have, I still would never go to all that work and possible embarrassment.
 

SpottingTrains

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Read what you write out loud almost as if you were talking to another person in the room. It sounds like you have a lot of things to say you just haven't had enough time to hone your speaking skills :D

This worked really good for me because I used to talk really , really fast.
 

Totenkindly

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Speaking is a different skill than writing.

- Speaking is direct, writing is indirect (the paper/computer acts as a buffer)
- Speaking is in real-time and linear, where you have to allow mistakes to ride and correct them by weaving them into your later comments, while writing allows for editing and thus a "more cohesive" first product, you can edit spatially in a sense and mistakes can actually be eradicated before the reader sees them.
- Speaking involves lots of physicality -- the sound and tone and inflection of voice, body language, facial expression -- while writing is based far more on your ideas and what you want to present, you can much better control your "presentation" of self.

I guess my point is that they are different skills, so being good at one doesn't mean you will be good at the other right away despite both being communication modes. So don't feel bad; I am far better at writing, but after lots of practice in conversation with others, my speaking skills have improved tremendously, so it's possible to get past the fear and feelings of ineptitude.
 

antireconciler

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It's kind of nice when you do start talking like you write, I find, because suddenly you have so much more confidence in yourself. For me, I think that's all that was missing. When I start talking like I write, it's like it takes quite a bit of audacity. It's like we're trained to qualify everything we say or put it out there like other people can just take it or leave it like it's just our opinion. To speak as though we know what we are talking about and won't be judged for any mistake takes the courage to stand out as yourself, and like what you have to say even if others don't. Like SpottingTrains says, it takes a lot of slowing down and taking other people's attention for granted. They can wait and listen to you for you to finish your thoughts.

Maybe a lot of people do this naturally, and this is what makes them extroverted and so naturally assume that what they say is interesting. It's a quality I would LOVE to have.

People listen to anyone who talks like they know, and don't to anyone who seems not to. It's just ridiculous how much of conversation is based on the way you make people feel rather than what you are saying. They are generally not aware of what is affecting them however brilliant their own thoughts or contributions. There will still almost always be that layer of thoughtless animal looking-for-a-leader feeling underneath.
 

heart

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Unfortunately I cannot go about handing around folded letters of paper containing my deepest thoughts (which by the way are humorously written and interesting to read) and such to random people I have yet to become close with.

why lord

why

You are INFP. :D :pats on back: It's okay. :hug:

But seriously I am the same way and yes, it is frustrating.
 

SpottingTrains

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I found that when I actually started to slow down and talk at a normal pace (I still probably talk faster than the average person) it was much easier to string together intricate and interesting sentences. Just by giving yourself those milli-second breaks between words allows your verbal thought to be so much more concise and appealing.

I don't know if this specifically what your problem is but I think practicing reading out loud will help you nonetheless.
 

Fluffywolf

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I often speak way too fast and get caught up in my own words.

Especially when I talk to strangers. It's like my Ti wants to get it done with soon, my Ne is going apeshit and my mouth is playing catch up.

But when I talk to people I know well, I have no trouble making conversation.
 

Skyward

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90% of what I speak is mushmouth, and 10% of what I write is illiteracy. :D

I find that in writing I can spend my time to get it right, and can be very eloquent, but in speech I'm cludgey.

And like Fluffy, for me it is Ni wanting to be done so it can imaginate, and Fe wants frrrriiiieeeends!

Ni: I want flowers in my head, but youre in the way of my imagination... go away.
Fe: FRIEND!!! Tell me your problems!!! I can help!!!

Of Ni subverts Fe like an INTJ mafia boss subverts his minions into doing the dirty work.

Ni: Get him to go away please, I dont like him.
Fe: Me either! [Insert bitchy retorts to the aggressors statements here]
 

heart

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For me, it is that the words don't come at all. I speak slowly and draw complete blanks many times so I just say very little. People think (and at times have felt free to say!) lights on, nobody home, but it is simply not true. Words fly to my hands and fly away from my lips!
 

Skyward

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For me, it is that the words don't come at all. I speak slowly and draw complete blanks many times so I just say very little. People think (and at times have felt free to say!) lights on, nobody home, but it is simply not true. Words fly to my hands and fly away from my lips!

Totally true! I always feel like such a dag when I cant say a simple idea coherently. I find when I talk with my INTP friend we can brainstorm easily and communicate effectively. Especially since we've been friends for so long that we can say some thing like 'Can you do that to the thing so this will happen?' and the other understands what the talker meant perfectly. I always wonder how other people hearing the conversation will react (Especially Ss) :D
 

Bubbles

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Hm. I think I sound smarter when I type than when I speak. Mostly because the words just come out when talking and then I realize they're totally nonrelated to the subject at hand and I'm experiencing a blonde moment despite my lack of blondeness. :D

But writing is different. You get to think it out more. I am better at that, yes, but speaking is just a different monster altogether. Its purpose is different, y'know? And we INFPs have a wonderful gift for screwing up conversations in an endearing way. We make it work. ;)
 

Wiley45

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For me, it is that the words don't come at all. I speak slowly and draw complete blanks many times so I just say very little. People think (and at times have felt free to say!) lights on, nobody home, but it is simply not true. Words fly to my hands and fly away from my lips!

ME TOO! I have these tremendous pauses where my brain just shorts out for a second, and everybody around me is straining for me to "spit it out." It drives my family nuts, since they're all fast paced speakers.

Whimsical ... I don't know if this idea is helpful for your situation, but I find that keeping a blog is really fun and helpful for me. Some people I know feel that this "blog" idea is a sorry substitute for "real" interaction, but I find that it's a really therapeutic way for me to get my thoughts out, and it's not a sorry substitute at all. When my "real life" friends and family are able to read some of my thoughts, they discover a whole new side of me that they don't always get through my speech. It can be a fun way for people to relate with you in the arena where you excel.
 

entropie

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For me, it is that the words don't come at all. I speak slowly and draw complete blanks many times so I just say very little. People think (and at times have felt free to say!) lights on, nobody home, but it is simply not true. Words fly to my hands and fly away from my lips!

With me its true, lights are on, but there is noooboody home :D
 

laintpe

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imo, there is less time to think in a conversation.. not only that, but there is so much to observe while conversing... facial expression (although, because of that i tend to not look at faces- i assume that's why, anyway).. other external stimuli... it's more of a time to collect information than it is to formulate ideas. ideas tend to become clear once i've distanced myself from people and noise.. the silence almost has to be filled with thoughts and inevitably- new conclusions.
 
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