User Tag List

First 12345 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 73

Thread: Touchiness

  1. #21
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    143

    Default

    I don't like strangers or mere acquaintances touching me and invading my private space. I've told people to 'stop manhandling me' when I felt that I have not given them permission to be 'that familiar' and could not care less about the outrage the remark caused...I also dislike people calling me 'kiddo' simply because I have a youthful face and they get patronising, 'aww, what a a strange thing you are!' Yea, I own my intensity!

    And to me, if I hug someone it is because I really mean it. And because that person is dear to my heart.

    But I will sometimes sacrifice to social conventions just because I don't want to have to explain myself and my hugging/touching/peck on the cheek criteria...It gets to be tiresome having to explain that I find it ironic that in my culture, you systematically kiss everyone you meet even if it is the first meeting. Stupid. Creates a sense of false intimacy or cheapens what a kiss ought to mean, that's what!:steam:

    Some battles are simply not worth it though...

    Besides, I have known people in my life who quickly got to the kissing and touching and hugging phase (and it felt good) but they later turned out to be snakes in the grass. So that even their touch seems in hindsight to be 'polluting' and a sense of disgust fills me at the mere recollection of it. Which makes me even more peculiar about who I touch and who I let touch me...

    I am aware that this 'don't touch if you're not sincere' policy may cause misunderstandings especially with my IRL ENFPs who typically like to touch and poke if I so much as look away while they are speaking... But humour me will you? In a way it is also a test of their sincerity. Can they get me to do things for them without playing on my emotions through physical contact? Can they make me want to do things for them by being honest and upfront about it?

  2. #22
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    761

    Default

    I love physical touch, so I don't normally mind even strangers touching me. But I'm not one to start touching people, I keep my space, except with people who're really close to me.

  3. #23
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    eNFJ
    Enneagram
    4w3 sx/so
    Socionics
    eNFJ Ni
    Posts
    11,443

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by briochick View Post
    I want to know if many of the other INFP/Js are like this too. I don't like being touched by people I don't know. I can stand it but I am quite uncomfortable with it. Even those who I would consider pretty close friends I'm not hugely physically affectionate with. It's not that I'm not capable of it. Those people who have gotten into my heart (ie. my family, boyfriends-after-a-time, a select few girl friends) I am very physically affectionate with. I snuggle, hug, hand hold, sit upon, launch myself at. But, until that mysterious and very difficult to reach line has been crossed to someone I can "truly trust" I am not very physical. Even a hug is pretty awkward. This can also make things with guys kind of strained as even a guy touching my hand can end up a big deal, just because my body is my own and I hardly let anyone touch me. Is this normal for any of the rest of you?
    This is me too. All of it. Esp the bolded parts.

    I don't know your background, but I was physically and sexually abused growing up, so it just added to my already "hands off" manner. I used to get hugs extorted from me, and when I got old enough to resist, I did. My twin sister is very huggy and verbal, and she's probably the only person who may touch me on a daily basis and even then I still bow up a little, not because I mind her hugging me, but because - get ready for it - I care about her so much already I can hardly stand the contact.

    When my ESFP bff Shorty came by for my birthday, she hugged me and hugged me right when she came through the door, and we both sat on the couch talking and her head was on my shoulder. I didn't mind that at all. Shorty's mom (also an SFP), I grew up with her like she was another of my mothers, and she gives great hugs. She's one of a scant few where I'd seek her out for hugs. I'd even sit in her lap sometimes and let her pat me.

    But I do seem to be genuinely uncomfortable with the physical pressure or contact. This has concerned me for some time. I didn't like dating because I didn't want to give up my bodily rights to someone I didn't trust anyway.

    I remember an ex-boyfriend complaining loudly about how I was always with my ISTP bff, how I trusted him, told him everything and let him near me, but not ex-bf. I bluntly told him that ISTP bff had earned his place by me and that any intrusion would be met with an immediate beheading. I like someone who can stand near me without being all over me. Like we're "together" but not smooshing each other. Same with my INTJ bff. He can just stand there and not behave like an idiot. He's not huggy either, but if I'm really upset, he HAS hugged me.

    On the other hand, I hug and cuddle any of my friends who are having a meltdown or crying. That's an okay moment to touch them, I think. And I don't resent it at all.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  4. #24
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    eNFP
    Enneagram
    ;) sx
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    637

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    This is me too. All of it. Esp the bolded parts.

    I don't know your background, but I was physically and sexually abused growing up, so it just added to my already "hands off" manner. I used to get hugs extorted from me, and when I got old enough to resist, I did. My twin sister is very huggy and verbal, and she's probably the only person who may touch me on a daily basis and even then I still bow up a little, not because I mind her hugging me, but because - get ready for it - I care about her so much already I can hardly stand the contact.

    When my ESFP bff Shorty came by for my birthday, she hugged me and hugged me right when she came through the door, and we both sat on the couch talking and her head was on my shoulder. I didn't mind that at all. Shorty's mom (also an SFP), I grew up with her like she was another of my mothers, and she gives great hugs. She's one of a scant few where I'd seek her out for hugs. I'd even sit in her lap sometimes and let her pat me.

    But I do seem to be genuinely uncomfortable with the physical pressure or contact. This has concerned me for some time. I didn't like dating because I didn't want to give up my bodily rights to someone I didn't trust anyway.

    I remember an ex-boyfriend complaining loudly about how I was always with my ISTP bff, how I trusted him, told him everything and let him near me, but not ex-bf. I bluntly told him that ISTP bff had earned his place by me and that any intrusion would be met with an immediate beheading. I like someone who can stand near me without being all over me. Like we're "together" but not smooshing each other. Same with my INTJ bff. He can just stand there and not behave like an idiot. He's not huggy either, but if I'm really upset, he HAS hugged me.

    On the other hand, I hug and cuddle any of my friends who are having a meltdown or crying. That's an okay moment to touch them, I think. And I don't resent it at all.
    uh, physically/psychologically, yeah. My dad's been trying to make amends for that, recently, for the past three years or so. I can now, as an adult, *sometimes* feel comfortable being hugged by him. So, my past probably doesn't help, but I'm pretty sure that's not everything because my brother and sister are very touchy people.

    And, see, lots of other INFs like that too...

    I don't like going to the doctor for the same reason you don't like dating.

    And I totally wish I could say stuff like that beheading bit. Instead, I just glare and hope they get it, which they usually don't/ignore.
    -Brio

    "I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."
    -Teddy Roosevelt
    ___________________

  5. #25
    See Right Through Me Bubbles's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w3
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    1,037

    Default

    I hate when strangers do stuff. Like I got in trouble for yelling at a teacher once because she shoved me by the shoulders to go ahead in line. XD

    I like to hug friends and family. But I don't do it all the time. When it happens, however, I like it loads.
    4w3, IEI, so/sx/sp, female, and Cancer sign.

    My thoughts on...
    Enneagram:
    Socionics:
    MBTI:

    DISCLAIMER: If I offend you, I'm 99.9% sure it's unintentional. So be sure to let me know, m'kay? (And yes, an INFP would stick this in their signature, lol.)

  6. #26
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    937 so/sx
    Posts
    6,226

    Default

    I would say I like my personal space to be respected, but I like to touch and be touched, moreso now than when I was younger. Through my teens / early twenties I felt more as you briochick. If someone were to grab my hand, or give me an unexpected hug, I didn't know what to do back! Now, I am often the one to make contact, and as an INFP I can sense when it is received easily / as intended or not.

    Some things are not just about type. You change as you get older, you become more comfortable inside your own skin, and that allows you to give and receive more easily I think.

  7. #27
    Senior Member Kyrielle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    1,297

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by briochick View Post
    I want to know if many of the other INFP/Js are like this too. I don't like being touched by people I don't know. I can stand it but I am quite uncomfortable with it. Even those who I would consider pretty close friends I'm not hugely physically affectionate with. It's not that I'm not capable of it. Those people who have gotten into my heart (ie. my family, boyfriends-after-a-time, a select few girl friends) I am very physically affectionate with. I snuggle, hug, hand hold, sit upon, launch myself at. But, until that mysterious and very difficult to reach line has been crossed to someone I can "truly trust" I am not very physical. Even a hug is pretty awkward. This can also make things with guys kind of strained as even a guy touching my hand can end up a big deal, just because my body is my own and I hardly let anyone touch me. Is this normal for any of the rest of you?
    Yes, I am the same way.

    Some things I'm comfortable with if I respect the person. Like when I'm having a rough day a hand on the shoulder's fine. Or a hug if they're a friend or someone highly respectable (like a professor/teacher/boss/friend with whom I've been through hell and back with with my work and they've stuck with me the whole way...that kind of stuff earns my undying gratitude and respect). Beyond that, I really have to be at the point where I really like and trust someone before I'll let them do anything else.

    For the record, no sexual abuse by anyone ever. Totally normal childhood. My mother tells me I was a "hands off" person even as an infant.
    "I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference."

    Robert Frost

  8. #28
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    1,702

    Default

    Is anyone like this... doesn't mind a few friends they are comfortable with touching them but doesn't like their family touching them in any way.

  9. #29
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    eNFJ
    Enneagram
    4w3 sx/so
    Socionics
    eNFJ Ni
    Posts
    11,443

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Unique View Post
    Is anyone like this... doesn't mind a few friends they are comfortable with touching them but doesn't like their family touching them in any way.
    Did they hurt you?

    Strangers = no commitment, no true harm.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  10. #30
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    468 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII None
    Posts
    4,383

    Default

    I took a 10 week massage course with three other people, total strangers to me, and we paired up 2 and 2 to work on each other, completely nekkid under the sheet on the table. I didn't pursue it as a career because of my own bad back, but I was happy for a stranger to come in off the street, have a shower, and lie down for a massage (non-sexual, I'm talking professional body work here...). What about in that context?

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFP] Touchiness... ENFP version
    By cheerchick23 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 06-03-2010, 11:06 PM
  2. [MBTItm] How affectionate/touchy feely are you SJs/STJs?
    By IZthe411 in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 44
    Last Post: 08-17-2009, 09:33 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO