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  1. #1
    Senior Member Harlow_Jem's Avatar
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    Default Why the INFP male is the ideal match from an ENTJ female perspective

    Society tells us that the proper roles in a relationship are played out when the male is the manly man and the female is the less assertive, sensitive one. Which is why when a healthy INFP male and a healthy ENTJ female meet, it's absolute magic in a backwards way. The ENTJ female does not need a male who is more "masculine, aggressive" or whatever. What she needs is someone to complement her own traits and help her ease into feeling comfortable with her own, most likely repressed/rejected femininity. What she needs is the sensitive rational male. The INFP male is the sensitive, rational man.

    I think it's especially hard for the INFP male to attract an ENTJ female because ENTJ females are all mixed up simply by being an "ENTJ female" which is kind of a paradox. Therefore the ENTJ female inherently feels very masculine and with the combination of growing up in a society that promotes outward masculinity as the ideal male, it can be hard for the ENTJ female to face an attraction to an INFP male who may be seen and misinterpreted to be "too sensitive and feminine." The immature/unhealthy/extreme ENTJ female will most likely write off the INFP male as being effeminate and ignore the potentially perfect match she makes with an INFP male in favor of trying to gain the affections of a more "masculine" male. However, in the end, she will find that with a more "masculine male" there will most likely never be an end to power struggles, the clashing of egos and the conflicts and dissent that arise when two inherently different beings try to occupy and dominate the same niche.

    The INFP male definitely needs a mature, very understanding and accepting ENTJ female who does not misinterpret and write off his seemingly lax behavior and outlook/approach towards life as incompetency and doesn't offend him by questioning his masculinity in comparison to her own "masculinity" and instead appreciates his sensitivity. My INFP boyfriend has issues of wishing he fit more into the accepted mold of the "manly man"; he wishes he was more athletic, more assertive and aggressive, etc. But to me he's already the ideal man as to me the ideal man is one who understands the feminine psyche without being an effeminate male.

    INFPs and ENTJs value and demand the same basic things in people. Honesty, morality, and genuineness. My boyfriend said, "I can't stand most people. It's hard for me because I'm a moral man living in an immoral world" and whereas other people might laugh at such a statement, I knew exactly what he meant because I feel the same way. I'm a moral, straightforward female living in a society that promotes submission, seduction and manipulation as desirable traits of femininity and writes off blunt honesty and being forward as traits of the "bitch CEO." I think during serious discussion between the INFP and the ENTJ who are on the same level, both will find that what the other says is exactly what he/she believes, though its worded differently than how he/she would word it. Thus they help enlighten one another.

    Some examples that I see of the INFP and ENTJ complementing each other:
    -The INFP wishes he could more easily tell the people he wants to fuck off to actually fuck off; the ENTJ easily tells the people he wants to fuck off because it doesn't occur to him that he should curb himself or do otherwise.
    -The INFP easily reads the feelings and vibes that others give off; the ENTJ hopes that he/she can learn to better read the feelings and vibes that others give off.
    -The INFP wishes he could more easily assert his intentions, desires, etc but worries he will be misunderstood; the ENTJ naturally asserts his intentions, desires, etc. without worrying he will be misunderstood.
    -The ENTJ feels extremely uncomfortable when faced with his feelings; the INFP understands how the ENTJ feels even if the ENTJ is not able to verbalize it himself...the INFP is capable of explaining to and assuring the ENTJ that one doesn't have to flee from his feelings in a way the ENTJ can accept and understand and affirm that the ENTJ is not crazy for feeling what he feels.

    I think the ENTJ/INFP match is especially perfect because the ideal relationship is one in which both parties help the other grow as a person. The characteristics of the healthy ENTJ is basically what the INFP wants to have/cultivate in himself; and vice versa....the characteristics of the healthy INFP are what the ENTJ, at the core, wants to cultivate in himself.

    Also, we just seem to understand each other perfectly. I don't know, I can't really explain the curious dynamics I feel as an ENTJ between the INFP and the ENTJ. It just works. I think that's why it's so perfect because you don't need to rationalize out why it feels right. The fact that there is no cognitive dissonance that arises out of its instinctual sense of rightness between one's feelings and rationality makes it just....right.

    "I have no need for good souls; an accomplice is what I want"--Sartre


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  2. #2
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    As a male INFP in a relationship with a female ESFJ... I can't say how cool I found this post.

    I'll probably reply more later, but I just wanted to say that and I'm short on time now.

  3. #3
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem View Post
    I think the ENTJ/INFP match is especially perfect because the ideal relationship is one in which both parties help the other grow as a person. The characteristics of the healthy ENTJ is basically what the INFP wants to have/cultivate in himself; and vice versa....the characteristics of the healthy INFP are what the ENTJ, at the core, wants to cultivate in himself.
    I don't have much experience with ENTJs, but this does seem about right. I found myself generally nodding in other areas as well.

    I've said this before, but the potential neat thing about the INFP/ENTJ relationship is that if I can prove myself, it's actually greatly appreciated when I finally drop my armor and expose my vulnerable core. It somehow actually makes the bond tighter. Sadly, real life experience has shown me that is rarely the case in the romantic world.

    Also, power struggles aren't so much an issue because, frankly, there are very few things that I give a shit about. I want my partner to be happy, I need them to be moral, and well, other than that the path they take is their own. I'm not intimidated by their success, because the things I value most aren't related to it. Their success makes me insanely proud and happy.

    Finally, I like that ENTJs seem to appreciate the advice/perspective I give them. They'll actually modify their behavior if I can explain why they are going too far, and why their behavior is actually hurting some goal or moral they value. Part of the reason this works is that I don't want to stop or change them, I just want to make sure they don't go too far.

    Anyway, thanks for making that post Harlow - it was a good read.

    Augenblick, ESFJ, a type I have more experience with, can be a good match as well. Especially if they have a well developed Ne.

  4. #4
    Member Manimal's Avatar
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    hmmm, now how to lure these elusive entj women i match so well with..

  5. #5
    it's a nuclear device antireconciler's Avatar
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    Another very good read, Harlow. Some of the closest friends I've had fit the ENT? category. They make me feel very easily that I'm valuable in their lives.
    ~ a n t i r e c o n c i l e r
    What is death, dies.
    What is life, lives.

  6. #6
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Are you sure this isn't just confirmation bias because you happen to be ENTJ and your SO happens to be INFP? The fact that the two of you get along really well for these reasons doesn't necessarily suggest a type correlation.

    But that said, I can see why it works well in your case, and you've made a good argument for that.
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

  7. #7
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simulatedworld View Post
    Are you sure this isn't just confirmation bias because you happen to be ENTJ and your SO happens to be INFP? The fact that the two of you get along really well for these reasons doesn't necessarily suggest a type correlation.

    But that said, I can see why it works well in your case, and you've made a good argument for that.
    I work very VERY well with healthy ENTJs in friendship/other things. I wish I could find a female one. I can pretty much totally relate to the OP.

    What makes you doubt the relationship? That would be like saying that the forum fad INFJ-ENTP relationship was bad to me, it just makes sense that the two would be together (reinforcement of weaknesses, knowing where the other is coming from, basically stuff in the OP).
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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  8. #8
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    Being almost borderline with INFP, let me put it this way.

    It isn't always a healthy match between a healthy male INFP and a healthy female ENTJ. There are a billion and one exceptions, and I know you are being general.

    I feel like you are judging male INFPs as being femenine, passive, off on the sidelines. I don't think it's wise to assume that all are like this, because I know I'm not any of those. But a lot of them are like that.

    I'll be honest, I don't think an INFP with an ENTJ is a healthy relationship. That's my opinion. Maybe another INFP thinks differently. I'd feel too dragged around, and I'd need some space to breath.

    I think INFP/ENFJ relationships would work better. It's my opinion. ENTJ and INFP values are actually very different. I have an ENTJ sister, and we hardly see eye to eye.

    But that's just me, who am I to judge it either way. My best advice is to say that type doesn't matter, it's more about the individual. And don't assume that all types follow their set descriptions. INFP/ENTJ pairing is a pretty lax general statement, of all things.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  9. #9
    no clinkz 'til brooklyn Nocapszy's Avatar
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    What makes you doubt the relationship?
    What makes me doubt it, besides the obvious fault in type relationship predictions is that everything I've seen Jem write depends on just what SW said -- confirmation bias.

    I haven't seen her much, but literally 100% of what I remember depends on that one-size-fits all perspective, and it's just plain wrong.

    That would be like saying that the forum fad INFJ-ENTP relationship was bad to me, it just makes sense that the two would be together (reinforcement of weaknesses, knowing where the other is coming from, basically stuff in the OP).
    Here's a tip [fact]: Neither Intuition nor Feeling are necessarily useful in helping an INFJ know where and ENTP is 'coming from' (whatever that means) nor does Thinking really make such a great accomplice for the ENTP in determining the INFJs feelings.

    It's a fucking joke.
    I heard one guy saying that INTPs should only be with INTPs and ISTJs should only be with ISTJs and so on. He even said "why do you think so many divorces take place?" therein blaming 100% of divorces on type, rather than y'know... what the person's type might cause them to do.
    we fukin won boys

  10. #10
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    This works with the more passive INFPs. With a feisty INFP -- no go.

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