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  1. #81
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    That's interesting TickTock. I generally find INFPs to be pretty ambivalent to whether they are the dominant one. As long as they aren't tread upon, they don't usually care too much about the power hierarchy. It's not that I don't believe you, but your viewpoint isn't one I hear too often.

    Just out of curiosity, what types do you generally go for?

  2. #82
    Senior Member SciVo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    That's interesting TickTock. I generally find INFPs to be pretty ambivalent to whether they are the dominant one. As long as they aren't tread upon, they don't usually care too much about the power hierarchy. It's not that I don't believe you, but your viewpoint isn't one I hear too often.
    I think that I get what TickTock is saying. When dominant, he's a dominant servant (analogous to the ideal gov't official being a public servant instead of a ruler). I can't speak for him, but I have a visceral revulsion to being a doormat -- I've cut women completely out of my life for trying to make my decisions for me -- so I need to make absolutely sure that there won't be any confusion on that point before I can indulge my desire to please.

    To put it in your framework, perhaps consider it a desire for power balance instead of an indifference to power balance. Then you can say that INFPs generally have one or the other.
    INFP ~ Fi/Ne/Ni/Te ~ 9-2-4 sp/so

  3. #83
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SciVo View Post
    I can't speak for him, but I have a visceral revulsion to being a doormat -- I've cut women completely out of my life for trying to make my decisions for me -- so I need to make absolutely sure that there won't be any confusion on that point before I can indulge my desire to please.
    That makes sense - even in my post above I'm more referring to a power balance. I just find many INFP males have an indifference to establishing themselves as the dominant partner. I've only seen a few users here and at INFPgc mention the desire to prove themselves the dominant.

  4. #84
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    That makes sense - even in my post above I'm more referring to a power balance. I just find many INFP males have an indifference to establishing themselves as the dominant partner. I've only seen a few users here and at INFPgc mention the desire to prove themselves the dominant.
    I think it depends on numerous factors. Gender roles, upbringing, goals, desires, etc.

    I never cared whether I was the dominant one. My parents were both what I might term "soft" people with somewhat traditional roles that worked well together towards existence. My wife's parents are hardcore. Her mother wore the pants, her father who owns a junkyard worked 6 days a week (I think partially to avoid the mother).

    I figured when I met someone that it would be a very give and take sort of thing and didn't care or need to establish myself as dominant. I did not have any plans for world domination but I did recognize the value of "future state" which made saving money and living within our means seem like a good thing... and sex/relations/love was what I viewed as one of my fuels in life... and then to take things as they came, always (what I just realized) living in the NOW. We reap what we sow and seeds take time to grow.

    My personal freedoms, future, and a number of things have been dramatically impacted by this situation in its entirety. I didn't necessarily want to be dominant but more so always tried to appeal to reason in regards to the future and my greater responsibility in the equation (knowing that I was and always would be the breadwinner). It is thus that I asserted (or attempted to assert) my dominance, knowing full well that my earning capacity and leadership would be required to steer the ship through the turbulent seas if you will. But I did not succeed in this endeavor... either somehow through fault of my own or due to insane pigheaded singleminded rigidity of my wife and not waking to the reality of the matter... that reality being that if someone was taking us to the other side, it was likely to be me.

    I know that my affairs were wrong... which no one really pointed out... and I'm a bit surprised... but I allowed myself the opportunity to "be wrong" so as to learn about myself, the situation, women, and life in general. I will say that I have learned a great deal about all of these things... and have come to a few conclusions.... some that I'm lucid on, but some that I'm not quite sure what to do with at the moment.

    One of those realizations is that I've always been a creator if you will... someone with an eye towards the future but present and acting in the NOW. Both in my job and in my relationship. At work I'd be striving towards a better future state for all participants in the IT organization... plant the seeds for the future NOW... and the future will be better instead of the status quo... but the powers that be were always happy with the status quo eventhough I felt that I was the team spirit and the one that innovated and pushed the envelope forward.... I got tired of it.... so I quit my job.

    At home, I knew that for me to have the future I wanted that I needed to have sexy time, do things together, and save money. This for whatever reason seemed to be a roadblock or hurdle... and I think these are things that need to happen throughout your life to have balance.... not just have sex and stuff when you're young but to be sexual, physically active, spiritually and financially balanced at every stage of life. My wife was all about the BIG NOW instead of focusing little by little on the steps towards success. Which is partly her mistake... and though I tried to coach her to live in the NOW... it went in one ear and out the other... but given her upbringing I can't exactly blame her or her personality type (ENTJ) for it so I'm a bit unsure as to what to do in that area right now.

    On the flip side, since I do have a girlfriend... and have been scarred by this experience, I have been very cautious... and realize even more importantly now that for me to have what I want and fulfill my life's purpose, there are only two ways that its going to work. One, I am dominant, she is completely submissive. OR Two, we co-create, with joint goals, desires, and enjoyments in mind. There are no alternatives. My purpose is not to make a woman happy... but for me to fulfill my purpose while being happy... someone is more than welcome to come along for the ride so long as their goals and ideals are similar to my own. I am not a means to an end.... but a living breathing entity with its own needs, desires, gifts, etc to bring to the world. When situations or people exist that are counter to that, then those issues or people need to be culled. It is thus that I have asserted both dominance and submissiveness to my girlfriend and have been "testing" her to see where her views on life, the world, etc actually lie instead of just "liking her" and diving right in... whoever put it in one of the previous posts had an interesting way to word it.... but dominant servitude I think it was. My purpose is X, and I am happy to please you so long as you are on that same page.

    Now that I feel I have learned many lessons, and know how I want to live my life and lead my life, I am wrought with struggle as to what to do about the women. I do not like hurting people on either side of the equation and my son is involved. I also know that I can not exist with the status quo (two women) though both seem somewhat content with it, there is much pain and anguish floating around for all involved. I also know that were I to stay with my wife, things can not continue as they have in the past. But having tasted the fruit of a vastly different life than what I have lived for the last 10 years also makes things that much more compelling to choose a new path.

  5. #85
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    i joined this site just to tell you Cappie that you still sound like a know-it-all-douche a year and a half later. you have over 4,000 posts? jeez get a life. you get on here to sound like you know everything? yea im an infp and im telling you that you suck. i bet you're itching for a strong he-man. it appears you have a strong preoccupation for douchiness.

    *just based on my perspective, i may be out of date on douchiness statistics, but it is rather irresponsible of you to assume that things aren't relative. well hey genius, everything is relative. how can your uninformed presumptions be more accurate than what this girl has lived? the only people that carry on conversations in your manner are lawyers. live and let live. thats my philosophy unless i encounter douches like yourself.

  6. #86
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cappie View Post
    After all, I do consider myself an expert typologist, and have invested a great lot of time and energy into ferrying the other members to heightened understanding
    hahaha yesss thank you!!! i now have a heightened understanding of your douchiness! did you mean to write fairying? I bet you live in your moms basement and have Thomas the Tank bedsheets and a favorite Teddy bear who knows how smart you really are.

  7. #87
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    Quote Originally Posted by unixgod View Post
    Lessons learned:

    - I should have had a vagina
    - Women should be sent back to the dark ages
    - Masturbating in peace can be a life worth living
    - Nihilism is very dark and depressing
    An INFP with a pair. Can we be friends?

  8. #88
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SciVo View Post
    I think that I get what TickTock is saying. When dominant, he's a dominant servant (analogous to the ideal gov't official being a public servant instead of a ruler).
    Or benevolent dictator.

  9. #89
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    My INPF boyfriend with my ENTJ best friend...no way! Someone would come out of that in a body bag.

    They are in their 30's, but I think they would have given it a shot in their 20's just to have things implode. I think that now that they are older, they both realize they need someone who is more similar than different (at the core). My ENTJ firnd always says she needs to be with someone who isn't "overly sensitive"...that is not INFPs as near as I can tell. My INFP says he needs to be with someone gentle and calm...that's not an ENTJ near as I can tell either
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
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    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  10. #90
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoSunshine View Post
    My INPF boyfriend with my ENTJ best friend...no way! Someone would come out of that in a body bag.

    They are in their 30's, but I think they would have given it a shot in their 20's just to have things implode. I think that now that they are older, they both realize they need someone who is more similar than different (at the core). My ENTJ firnd always says she needs to be with someone who isn't "overly sensitive"...that is not INFPs as near as I can tell. My INFP says he needs to be with someone gentle and calm...that's not an ENTJ near as I can tell either
    So on target. Can't see it happening with a female ENTJ and a male INFP. Can see it happening with a male ENTJ and a female INFP.

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