User Tag List

First 123 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 26

  1. #11
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    937 so/sx
    Posts
    6,226

    Default

    I've been married, and happily, to an ESTJ for 20 years.



    Trying to predict marital success on type pairings alone is akin to finding a mate by getting your horoscope read. You really need to explore each person and relationship in an individual way.

    You asked about romance - I must tell you my ESTJ is not the most conventionally romantic guy in the world. What he is - he is a great dad, is totally dedicated to his family, does the laundry, the dishes after dinner, and helps me pretty much with anything I ask. Those are the ways he shows his love and I have to admit, I prefer that!

    And ... sex is of the H & H variety; no complaints from me there!
    Likes Cloudpatrol liked this post

  2. #12
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    fool
    Posts
    688

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    estj and infj, yes.

    infp I dont understand
    ...estj and infj... explain...please...

  3. #13
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Posts
    6,020

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Trying to predict marital success on type pairings alone is akin to finding a mate by getting your horoscope read.
    Word.

  4. #14
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    1,702

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    INFJ and ESTJ maybe. INFP? Eh?
    Agreed

  5. #15
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    ESFP
    Enneagram
    9w8 sx/sp
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    7,004

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    I've been married, and happily, to an ESTJ for 20 years.
    You've been married for longer than I've been alive. I'm sure people would want more details, since it's a very doubted relationship and lots of people have had awful experiences.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  6. #16
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    4,909

    Default

    My parents are this pair: INFP (mom)/ ESTJ (dad)

    I sometimes do tell them, if you had a do-over, and really knew each other's personalities, you both should run, run the other way!

    But, because, for better or worse, they are stuck with each other, they've made efforts to really get to know (and practice patience and compromise with) one another.

    I must say, in the relationship, dunno if it's because she's the female, but, my mom is the one with the upper hand. It's an interesting dynamic to watch. My dad is over-protective and very micro-managing with house stuff/daily living chores (and actually does a heck of a lot more for my mom than I believe is needed...she should learn self-sufficiency in some ways, work ratio wise, my dad is proportionally wayyy more than my mom). And, a main reason for this is, as bad as it may be, my dad has this anal habit of checking up on a work, and with my mom, there's no guarantee that it will be done with meticulous care (like my dad), so he just ends up doing it himself.

    He went to visit some fam, and will be away on vacation for a month. He made sure all non-perishable grocery was stocked up, all bills paid in advance. Told my neighbours and god knows how many more friends, to check up if my mom needs anything (who's shy to ask others for help). He carefully wrote out, and taped all important emergency numbers to my mom's bedroom mirror (so she won't lose a piece of paper - which is very likely).

    My mom, in the relationship, is the sage people-advisor. When they as a couple have conflict, issue with outsiders, while my dad may bulldoze and see no reason to be 'polite'/diplomatic....my mom smoothes it out. She also helps him when he gets into his panic-modes because *something* didn't go according to his plan.

    One cute thing watching them is the dynamics of my dad and mom and her emotions. It's hilarious to see my dad look like a fish outta water, when my mom throws a line like, "Half an hour late!!! It's a party, who cares if we're this late? You always need to find a flaw in everything. I must make this job soooo easy for you. {listing her perceived flaws for like 10 minutes}"

    My dad : Well, I was just saying....we're gonna be late. Um...I'll be outside, whenever you're ready.
    (runs away)

    I think it's the SJ in him, that can't not help out someone who looks like they're in need of help. Which for my mom, as an INFP in this world/society, may be quite often. There's a vulnerability, naivete to my mom that's hard to ignore for healthy ESTJ like my dad.

    But, my mom has one wistful thinking (one thing she complains about my dad) - that man has no depth and imagination! She loves connecting through N, which my dad can do, but, only if it's playful, funny (Me, ENTP and my dad's tertiary, engage in Ne+ thinking function randomness), while my mom needs her N to be more deep, value-based, spiritual and sober (Fi+Ne)....which he can't really give her (and truth be told, he finds a bit boring).
    Likes Cloudpatrol liked this post

  7. #17
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    937 so/sx
    Posts
    6,226

    Default

    Note to all: Qre:us is not my child. LOL!

    Your post is interesting. I would agree with a slice of the dynamic you mention above for your mom & dad. I am the people advisor; my hubby is the micro-manager.

    But myself, I have always been a very self-sufficient person. I work F/T, run my own business as well, take care of our family finances, and could hardly be called shy (even if I feel shy sometimes ).

    But ... I push the envelope for myself continually, even if I feel uncomfortable. And it's nice to know my hubby is always there with a hug, he's my rock.

    And so, each relationship is different, and BlackCat, I'll elaborate a bit more on my post later too.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    4,909

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Note to all: Qre:us is not my child. LOL!
    MOMMMY, dearest !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    But myself, I have always been a very self-sufficient person. I work F/T, run my own business as well, take care of our family finances, and could hardly be called shy (even if I feel shy sometimes ).

    But ... I push the envelope for myself continually, even if I feel uncomfortable. And it's nice to know my hubby is always there with a hug, he's my rock.
    Very true, I've seen so many different manifestations of ENTPs, that's so different than myself. I think the key difference is the bolded. My mom, love her, and her cute ways...but NAH. If it's uncomfortable, she will ignore and avoid, which, she's now later realizing as she watches her ENTP kid who thrives on limits and pushing them, that she missed out on much of personal growth because of her lack of facing the 'uncomfortable' situations in life. I think it's because she had a lot of negative things happen in life, which, whether wanting to or not, she couldn't have avoided. That, for those things, that are uncomfortable AND avoidable, she rather tuck into her shell.

    She is not shy with her fam.. and tells us exactly what she thinks - my dad and me. But, like my dad complains, 'the person who's supposed to be hearing it (e.g., a friend), why don't you ever tell HER? Rather than complain to us? Or, worse, take that bad mood out on us because YOU chose not to say anything!'

    * my mom, for all her extreme P-ness, is slyly (hidden) self-sufficient. You wouldn't know it, esp. as she doesn't bother much with the nitty-gritty of household finances, but, she has a few accounts for herself (and apparently in my name too), that's she's been managing for quite some time, and investing with. Total shock when I found that out.

  9. #19
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INfp
    Enneagram
    9w1 sp/sx
    Socionics
    INFp None
    Posts
    5,295

    Default

    Thanks Peacebaby and Qre:us, I really enjoyed your posts. You pretty much explained everything using your real life experience that I would have had to explain in theoretical terms.

    It's a good fit because the ESTJ plays the anchor and keeps the INFP grounded. The INFP is then free to not fret about boring real world tasks and can focus on the world inside their heads, knowing they are safe and their ESTJ partner will make sure they don't go too far. Likewise, the INFP relieves some of the burden an ESTJ puts on themselves and can offer refreshing perspective. If they have similar values, they can unite to make some pretty awesome long term plans, as well.

    However, it's much better when the ESTJ is male and INFP female, as the ESTJ can justify his actions by being the man of the house. An ESTJ female will try to push the INFP male into a more stereotypically masculine role, which is likely going to cause friction and lead to resentment on both ends.

    I was going to make a note about connecting through humor and randomness via Ne. Some ESTJs can be extremely silly and quick witted, and it's one area where they can bond.

    On the other hand, the INFP will often crave for more depth, even as the chemistry and real world aspects of the relationship thrive. INFPs get into the mindset that it's almost perfect, if only we could connect more deeply... not realizing that the lack of deeper connection is the price that must be paid for the other wonderful aspects of the relationship.

  10. #20
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    937 so/sx
    Posts
    6,226

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    The INFP is then free to not fret about boring real world tasks and can focus on the world inside their heads, knowing they are safe and their ESTJ partner will make sure they don't go too far.
    BUT, sometimes the ESTJ must feel comfortable letting go of having everything planned out. Sometimes the best decisions are the gut hunches.

    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    If they have similar values, they can unite to make some pretty awesome long term plans, as well.
    This is nice; I was going to follow up on blackcat's request by posting something to this effect. The SJ feels a strong sense of duty; the NF, a strong sense of mission. When these align, the forces working together can accomplish much.

    Raising kids is a great example. My ESTJ feels a strong sense of duty to raise our family with positive values, and to provide a standard of living that allows our kids to participate in sports, the arts etc. Me, I feel strongly that it is our mission to raise loving, independent children that have the same positive values and grow to be well-rounded individuals with strengths in team-building, caring for others, appreciating the arts etc.

    You see how these mesh together so well?

    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    I was going to make a note about connecting through humor and randomness via Ne. Some ESTJs can be extremely silly and quick witted, and it's one area where they can bond.
    My hubs is so funny, I genuinely laugh at his humour every day. He says the irreverent things I think but don't say and he's so good at providing dry, witty commentary. He thinks I'm cute.

    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    On the other hand, the INFP will often crave for more depth, even as the chemistry and real world aspects of the relationship thrive. INFPs get into the mindset that it's almost perfect, if only we could connect more deeply... not realizing that the lack of deeper connection is the price that must be paid for the other wonderful aspects of the relationship.
    Chemistry ... ahh yes, there are great sparks between us, even after 20 years ... And the rest of the para is well said Udog - but I don't see the lack of deeper connection as a price to be paid. I am simply grateful for the great relationship we have.

    And hey, it wouldn't be fair to make everything seem glossy and perfect - we can certainly annoy each other from time to time. But I wouldn't trade him in! He's my hunny!

    Love ... can't wait til he gets home.

Similar Threads

  1. INTJ and INFP Relationships
    By highlander in forum Intertype Relations
    Replies: 155
    Last Post: 01-16-2017, 04:29 AM
  2. INFJ and INFP Relationships
    By highlander in forum Intertype Relations
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 06-19-2015, 09:02 AM
  3. [ENFP] ENFP and INFP relationship
    By Lotr246 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 04-29-2013, 03:35 PM
  4. [MBTItm] ESTJ and ESFJ Relationship
    By tulula998 in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 07-31-2010, 06:07 PM
  5. [MBTItm] ISTP and INFP relationship
    By cooliogirly1000 in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 10-31-2009, 01:58 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO