in the thread about when and if INFs give up on people, toonia disliked my comments and searched my old posts and found what she felt were conflicts between what i was saying in that thread and what i had said at other times.
because of this i went back and re-read all of my old posts here, and this got me to thinking about something--i would admit that i am internally conflicted a lot these days about what i think of people in general and what i think of people specifically--and from reading posts on infpgc, it seems that this may be problem of older infps in general--on the one hand i have a deep love of humanity and the idea of people, but on the other i have been treated very badly by people who meant a lot to me over my life and avoid close relationships for the most part now. to prevent cynicism and maintain my idealism, i have largely kept myself from interacting with people for the last two years.
i don't have any ill feelings toward those people who hurt me, i've never been able to hold a grudge and i don't see them as bad people, but i do have trust and attachment issues from it, and to be honest, for the last two years i have mostly been a hermit, and i now prefer the company of people who are openly flawed in some way to people who seem to have it all together (i spent a day last week working with a mildly retarded woman and it was the most pleasant day i've had in a long time with another person, because there was no gamesmanship, no dissembling, no power-plays, it was just really honest--it made me sad to think how life could be if everyone wasn't motivated by fear and trying to convince everybody else that they aren't as screwed up as the next person and don't really suck like we all do).
anyway, my question is this: is this something other infps here have experienced a conflict between your generalized love of humanity and the reality of how you have been treated that causes sort of a disconnect in your thinking? and if so, have you reacted like i have, to preserve the love of humanity at the expense of actually having people in your life?
(ps: before the triumvirate of toonia, cafe, and heart jump on me with "aha!"--i didn't bail on anyone, they all bailed on me--the boys i knew left for prettier girls and the girls i knew left for husbands and kids and life got in the way with everyone else--married people are allergic to single people...and by 35 just about everyone you ever knew is now married...).