My ENFJ ex claimed he didn't want relationships but hopelessly pined after the girls he loved. It was like he couldn't help himself -- he fell in love and then that person sucked him in, he HAD to connect with them and be with them.
He felt he found his cosmic soulmate every time he fell in love.
He wanted someone emotional, deep, intelligent, confident, perceptive, beautiful, interesting and stylish. Often what he got was not what he initially thought, and this would upset him greatly (causing him to become extremely critical and emotionally manipulative in trying to mold his love back to his failed ideal).
^ exactly the first few months are really exciting and then I find out that they aren't everything I ever wanted them to be and I end it. I think that ENFJ's just want to be close to people and know them on a level that no one else does and we're really good at getting there. Then when we see that someone isn't ideal or that they have their own closet-monsters we back off and find ourselves wanting to not be so personal. Unfortunately, once we do this there's really no going back. Other types become very attached and can't bear the scrutiny after letting us so deep. Then break-up and never talking ever again.
As far as what I look for initially, I prefer my women to not be overly confrontational or rude. I'm inviting her into my world and if she fucks with it there'll be problems. Other than that we just kind of feel our way around. How does this girl make me feel? Are she like a cold beer at the end of a hard day? If so, then chances are that this'll probably work.
Basically, I think we gotta find a partner that will distract us with other amazing things about their lives so that we don't take the relationships too seriously or want to go too fast.
"... you think deeply about stuff [that] nobody cares about and hardly anybody can understand you." ~ Peguy talking about Ni users. So true.
I'm going to agree with Chris, though I will say the part about 'closet-monsters' I am not too sure about. I would like to think that I am willing to accept both the good parts and the bad parts of a person.
My ENFJ ex was not clingy. He was fearful SOMETIMES. He really had/has tons to offer and was very loving, but I could see when I disappointed him and that's what ultimately destroyed our relationship, in my opinion. Because I never try to change people, and I don't think he could help himself trying to change me (which is kind of offensive to me at a deeper level, being ISFP). I was way too Sensory for him; I didn't provide the N depth he craved. I think he had a great relationship with an INFP though... because they had that cosmic connection. Her problem was getting crumbs in the bed and weird little things like that which bugged the crap out of him.
Ultimately, he's still searching, which to me is sad, because he deserves someone amazing. When we broke up he proposed marriage (after avoiding serious commitment for four years together before that), but it was too late. I do hope someday he can find someone and learn to accept flaws in a partner, because we all have them.
He wanted someone emotional, deep, intelligent, confident, perceptive, beautiful, interesting and stylish.
This describes my ENFJ ex's requirements for a partner as well. He wasn't very bossy, but a bit critical. He also wanted to know the person inside and out, and become "one" with them. I wouldn't say he was clingy (although I'm also NFJ, so take that as you will), until the end. It was a great relationship. Very intense