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  1. #31
    Junior Member missellis75's Avatar
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    oh my gawd

    So me and this ENFJ hook up, really really fast.

    Then later, she doesn't like the fact that I smoke. She would kind of joke about it, but say that was one of the major reasons that she broke up with her ex-fiance.

    Now she won't answer my calls. And its pretty much because she wants me to quit smoking.

    But it pisses me off that she uses this approach, she's not doing it bc she cares about me, but because she is remembering what happened with her ex.

    Im not going to live in the toilet bowl of an ex-bf. Fukk that!

    sheesh!
    She was probably trying to open up to you, not close you out or try to limit you. She was probably trying to explain a very complicated (very emotional and irrational) dislike for her ex that manifested itself in your smoking.

    I also think there must have been other similarities that she may not have been able to pin down (between you and her ex). At any rate, in a situation like this the important thing to do is to confront your ENFJ emotionally and try to resolve the problem. Make your worries heard and hear theirs; they will respect and trust you more if you do this. And then you might get a more clear reason for why whatever you are doing is upsetting them so much. For example there may have been something (even further back than the ex fiance) like a grandparent that died of lung cancer or anything. ENFJs often reserve very traumatic incidents like this until they know that they can really really trust someone.

  2. #32
    Senior Member Kungpowish's Avatar
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    Well, there is also the possibility of her thinking you COULD change it but didn't want to. And if smoking is against the way she thinks things should be... I know that if I wanted someone to stop and they wouldn't I would take it personally, and feel they didn't care enough about me to stop. That's the thing, we need to feel valued you know?

  3. #33
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    ^ i don't know her well enough to stop for her. I met her THREE TIMES! And I been smoking for 14 years!!! (and i still work out quite frequently)

    Quote Originally Posted by missellis75 View Post
    She was probably trying to open up to you, not close you out or try to limit you. She was probably trying to explain a very complicated (very emotional and irrational) dislike for her ex that manifested itself in your smoking.

    I also think there must have been other similarities that she may not have been able to pin down (between you and her ex). At any rate, in a situation like this the important thing to do is to confront your ENFJ emotionally and try to resolve the problem. Make your worries heard and hear theirs; they will respect and trust you more if you do this. And then you might get a more clear reason for why whatever you are doing is upsetting them so much. For example there may have been something (even further back than the ex fiance) like a grandparent that died of lung cancer or anything. ENFJs often reserve very traumatic incidents like this until they know that they can really really trust someone.
    I think you're right. she said i reminded her of her ex... and she said her dad smokes too... so i thought it was weird why she doesn't get her dad to stop...

    she won't let me confront her about it. she already knows what im thinking. she won't let me know what she's thinking. just totally left me hanging, saying she "doesn't have time to think about things" and keeps pushing it off till later and later. been 3 or 4 weeks now.

    anyways, it might be too late for me emotionally, i feel like i already moved on, but i'll keep it in mind in case it comes back... i guess i'll just think of it as a one night stand. anyways, even if I did stop smoking, she wouldn't want to date me anymore once she finds out during those 3-4 weeks of no explanation, a girl roommate moved in...

  4. #34
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    I have a great deal of difficulty in imagining myself giving up *anything* for ANYONE I just met. Clearly, you smoke for a reason, Nomad, whatever those reasons are, good or bad. You've done it for 14 years. It would take only you to break that kind of habit - or someone extremely special.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  5. #35
    Junior Member Ariel's Avatar
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    Completely agree with you, Nomad.
    You sure she's an ENFJ btw?

  6. #36
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melly View Post
    Completely agree with you, Nomad.
    You sure she's an ENFJ btw?
    Yeah, i made her take the test. she's enfj... (not to say all enfj's would have done the same)

    I just wanted closure, and she won't give it. She just texted me saying she doesn't know what to say to me. She's been saying that for the last 4 weeks.

    i just texted her " i don't like girls who can't deal with reality, and u won't like me either bc i am living with a girl now. so please, let me end it, or u end it." and no reply. she won't reply.

    i think she just gets jollies from making me wait.

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