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  1. #51
    Senior Member FC3S's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathanthegreat View Post
    What do you mean seven years of friendship gone? Also recently she told me she can't talk to me anymore because she is liking me more than her b/f and that she'll speak to me in the "future". Before she's referenced her b/f as a "speed bump" etc. He verbally abuses her, she deserves far better. If a man doesn't love his wife/girlfriend, he doesn't love himself.
    In short I knew an ENFJ for about seven years. We were finally in each other's focus, if that makes any sense. However, what one said torqued off the other and it only escalated. We came back, promptly apologized and hammered out an agreement. It didn't last, things escalated again and she cut relations.

    Just thinking about this fills me with a sadistic kind of smile - and it's not something I'm proud of.
    ESTP - Definition: "Love" is making a shot to the knees of a target a 120 km away, with an aratech sniper rifle and tri-light scope.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #52
    Senior Member Jonathanthegreat's Avatar
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    Yea she cut me off. Thing is I don't see her not being of low enough value just to accept it and walk away. I'm going to prove to her that I really care and that I won't accept her cutting me off. She is a verbally abusive relationship with an ENTJ or INTJ, only reason I say ENTJ is because he used to be a drug dealer and I know a few ENTJ dealers (from my past, I am drug free now thanks to Jesus ) and INTJ i think just because he looks like an INTJ friend of mine. ANYWAYS, he doesn't seem to love her because if you love someone you'd never say something specifically to hurt their feelings, in his case "You have a fat ass" he wasn't joking either. it cut me to the core to see her read that text message he sent. I've noticed that the abuse is cyclical in their relationship. I just hope she can break free from the cycle because she deserves a better man in her life, even if it isn't me. She has permitted me to contact her on her birthday and I plan to get her multiple gifts, NO not to manipulate her and try and sway her with physical things but honestly because I really care about her. so yea that's the boat i'm sailing in now I'm remaining positive throughout this entire journey. I don't plan on failing and hopefully she'll realize this guy is not good enough for her unless he changes RIGHT NOW and stops being verbally abusive to her, because that is totally unacceptable.

    if anyone actually read this you're awesome. because that's a lot.

  3. #53
    Senior Member ENFJ_Catholic's Avatar
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    You're charting into choppy waters. Be on watch for the icebergs ahead.

    Be open with her and lay it on the line. If she'll break the cycle then you've done your part. Be careful to see to it not to expect her to come your way. We ENFJ males can have that way of thinking way things should work out but actually don't. Peace and prayers...
    "In the end it is not a matter of reason; it is a matter of love." - St. Thomas More

  4. #54
    Senior Member Jonathanthegreat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ENFJ_Catholic View Post
    You're charting into choppy waters. Be on watch for the icebergs ahead.

    Be open with her and lay it on the line. If she'll break the cycle then you've done your part. Be careful to see to it not to expect her to come your way. We ENFJ males can have that way of thinking way things should work out but actually don't. Peace and prayers...
    I see that you may be catholic so I'll share my faith with you. I pray for her twice a day and I've heard from God about what needs to be done. In Mark 9:23 Jesus said "Nothing is impossible to Him that believes". It's not God's will for her to be with this guy according to His word. I know I didn't meet her by chance either. Everything happens for a reason and I believe God answers prayers!

  5. #55
    Senior Member ENFJ_Catholic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathanthegreat View Post
    I see that you may be catholic so I'll share my faith with you. I pray for her twice a day and I've heard from God about what needs to be done. In Mark 9:23 Jesus said "Nothing is impossible to Him that believes". It's not God's will for her to be with this guy according to His word. I know I didn't meet her by chance either. Everything happens for a reason and I believe God answers prayers!
    All things have reason to them, yes. And your prayers are not misguided. I was merely pointing out the obvious—that rough waters are ahead.

    "With all prayer and supplication, pray at every opportunity in the Spirit. To that end, be watchful with all perseverance and supplication for all the holy ones and also for me, that speech may be given me to open my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel for which I am an ambassador in chains, so that I may have the courage to speak as I must." Ephesians 6:18-20

    Just know that we cannot change people, they are changed first in themselves. When that change in themselves is made, they will be more open to you and the change that is ultimately needed for the better.

    And yes, I am Catholic. Christianity through the Catholic lens does help me to look on the world and do my best to good and to live life and have it more abundantly.

    I shall keep both of you in my prayers. Again, may peace be with you and with her.
    "In the end it is not a matter of reason; it is a matter of love." - St. Thomas More

  6. #56
    Senior Member chris1207's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathanthegreat View Post
    She has permitted me to contact her on her birthday and I plan to get her multiple gifts, NO not to manipulate her and try and sway her with physical things but honestly because I really care about her. so yea that's the boat i'm sailing in now
    I wouldn't even bother if she cut you off that badly. I've seen that before myself and if I did again I would just move on and find a nice INFP girl. I wouldn't be doing my Fe service if I didn't tell you this.
    "... you think deeply about stuff [that] nobody cares about and hardly anybody can understand you." ~ Peguy talking about Ni users. So true.

  7. #57
    Senior Member Jonathanthegreat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chris1207 View Post
    I wouldn't even bother if she cut you off that badly. I've seen that before myself and if I did again I would just move on and find a nice INFP girl. I wouldn't be doing my Fe service if I didn't tell you this.
    Thank you for your opinion! I just can't deal with the gloominess of the INFP but I do love them! Just not as an ideal mate for me. I hope this does not offend you.

  8. #58
    Senior Member Jonathanthegreat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ENFJ_Catholic View Post
    All things have reason to them, yes. And your prayers are not misguided. I was merely pointing out the obvious—that rough waters are ahead.

    "With all prayer and supplication, pray at every opportunity in the Spirit. To that end, be watchful with all perseverance and supplication for all the holy ones and also for me, that speech may be given me to open my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel for which I am an ambassador in chains, so that I may have the courage to speak as I must." Ephesians 6:18-20

    Just know that we cannot change people, they are changed first in themselves. When that change in themselves is made, they will be more open to you and the change that is ultimately needed for the better.

    And yes, I am Catholic. Christianity through the Catholic lens does help me to look on the world and do my best to good and to live life and have it more abundantly.

    I shall keep both of you in my prayers. Again, may peace be with you and with her.
    Pentecostal here! But Praise God for us believing in the one True God!

  9. #59
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathanthegreat View Post
    What do you mean seven years of friendship gone? Also recently she told me she can't talk to me anymore because she is liking me more than her b/f and that she'll speak to me in the "future". Before she's referenced her b/f as a "speed bump" etc. He verbally abuses her, she deserves far better. If a man doesn't love his wife/girlfriend, he doesn't love himself.
    Just curious... have you told her how you felt about this? .... Be careful if you do. If you say something like "He doesn't love you, so why are you doing this to yourself?" or -anything- that remotely resembles that... as an STP, I can tell you that I wouldn't respond well to that. Yeah, we're not very in tune with our "F" side... so we get pretty defensive when an F tries to tell us we're making a mistake on the relationship front, ESPECIALLY an F that we care about a lot romantically. Trust me. I just experienced this recently from an ENFP I care a lot about, lecturing about how I'm wasting my time with another guy. You really need to tread carefully there. We -know- your intentions are good, but it's really hard to listen to advice about our love life coming from a guy we care about. I can tell you, if she told you she cares about you... she's not bullshitting. STPs don't bullshit when it comes to romantic interests. We're either there, or we're not. We won't waste our time with someone we don't care about, or have no interest in. She's not with you for a reason she thinks is practical. I can't tell you exactly what that is, but maybe you already know, eh? Trust your intuition.

  10. #60
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Be careful with a savior complex, bro. She's a big girl. She got herself into that relationship and she can get herself back out. You don't want to be mixed up in it, esp if her old man is bad news.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
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    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

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