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  1. #41
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathanthegreat View Post
    I feel there is no type I cannot establish "dominance" over,
    Um... dude?

    Like, it's probably true, and I guess for some people it'll be beneficial, but you know some people are going to fight you tooth and nail, right? Do you know that? And you probably will win. And it'll be so very empty a win. All sorts of military metaphors apply. Like for example, the ground you win will be so very much fought over that nothing will grow. Even that military metaphors can be applied should be a monster warning.

    You have the drive so you have the power. You'll need the intuition. You'll need to make sure you can see all the possibilities. Crushing people into the shape you expect them to be is going to be just too often the easier choice.

    After all, love does not conquer all. Only conquering all conquers all.

  2. #42
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    Im actually concearned about the different energy-level between the ESTP and ENFJ. ESTP's being extremely talkative and desire to be on the move wouldn't click so well with the N side of ENFJ, im guessing. I'm not so sure you actually enjoy it in a long run, compared to an ENTP or INTP. ENFJ's being blind to ESTP's thinking doesn't do much good, it would probably piss of the ESTP after awhile. I know for a fact that all the ESTP's I talk to loves me after embracing their intelligence (like all thinkers), and I kinda see the boiling underlying heat between my ENFJ math teacher and ESTP colleages whenever they interact. The ESTP's Ti is like "blablabla" in the ears of the ENFJ, that doesn't start good.

  3. #43
    Junior Member missellis75's Avatar
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    My best friend is and ESTP. I think you will be just fine.

    She and I do however have some of the obvious hangups mentioned here. I am SO bad about asking her what she is thinking/feeling--I do this almost every day. But we are close enough now that she usually is comfy enough to at least (on a really rough day) just shrug her shoulders and look pained; I obviously pick up on this right away lol.

    Another problem is the issue of activity. We are both "active seekers of activity" but neither of us is very good at generating or planning out activities for us, so we end up going around in circles or getting stuck in little hiccups. These are not a problem once we accept and get the awkwardness.

    I guess that is my best suggestion to you--make sure you know her well enough that you can trust her (so if she does feel cornered and tries to hurt you, then you know how to forgive her), and keep good humor and faith in the relationship. That means keep it low pressure and maybe even low commitment (or just at first).

    closing remarks: two things that always immediately alleviate awkwardness: little safe words (mine is a rapid-fire string of "okayokayokayokayokay."), they make us laugh and instantly move on from whatever had us in a rut. and making a habit of telling each other how much we like and care for each other (with a focus on trust and dependence on each other) it makes me feel emotionally needed, and it makes her feel safe.

    good times! and good luck to you!

  4. #44
    Senior Member Kungpowish's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathanthegreat View Post
    I feel there is no type I cannot establish "dominance" over.
    I think it's this feeling that got Chris so worked up. ENFJs spend our lives achieving and being told how great we are by parents and peers and it breeds arrogance. Not to say I'm above it, I felt my ego welling up strong whenever someone said ENFJs couldn't break ESTPs, because I'm used to being able to do something if I really want to, ESPECIALLY if it has to do with people. But I have had experiences where someone (probably an ESTP) just didn't care what I thought about them or their behavior and it was like hitting a wall, definitely not an experience I want to have again.

  5. #45
    Senior Member Jonathanthegreat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kungpowish View Post
    I think it's this feeling that got Chris so worked up. ENFJs spend our lives achieving and being told how great we are by parents and peers and it breeds arrogance. Not to say I'm above it, I felt my ego welling up strong whenever someone said ENFJs couldn't break ESTPs, because I'm used to being able to do something if I really want to, ESPECIALLY if it has to do with people. But I have had experiences where someone (probably an ESTP) just didn't care what I thought about them or their behavior and it was like hitting a wall, definitely not an experience I want to have again.
    Even the great berlin wall fell my friend. But above all with great power comes great responsibility. We all should use our gifts for good and nothing else....so listen up you NT's lol jk

  6. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    I think being an ESTP would be both scary and thrilling all at once. I'd be a holy terror.

    I mean just look at Angelina Jolie. She *is* Laura Croft for crying out loud.
    Weird. I always thought she was an ENFP. Have you seen interviews? Just sayin'...

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by mwv6r View Post
    LOL sooo true! You could have been describing my ESTP mate.

    ESTPs are kinda a conundrum, because the poster is right, they can have a very sweet, affectionate side. But piss them off and they will find a way to WIN the argument at all costs. That's another thing about ESTPs, they have a strong need to be in charge in charge the majority of the time. (I tease mine by calling him "top pig.") They don't try to be in charge in a mean, domineering way like you might see in some other types, and once their position atop the hierarchy is secure they are usually laidback, romantic, fun-loving, and sweet. (And they're not looking for someone they can walk all over; they want someone who will stand up for themselves when necessary and set boundaries.) But they do like to be in charge nonetheless. If you're the type of person who doesn't mind that, it can go very well. But if you're more alpha than beta, there could be fireworks, and not in a good way.
    This so reminds me of watching my older brother ESTP with our little ENTJ brother (almost 9 years younger than him) as kids. The ESTP (age 13) would ask all sweet-like, "What are you gonna do?" and the ENTJ little one would answer, "Everything you say!" which didn't last long -- as adults there has been major fireworks between the two toughie types.

    Also, my ESTP brother was always in charge of pulling our loose teeth and riding bikes with us through uncharted woods. Hooray.

  8. #48
    Senior Member ENFJ_Catholic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathanthegreat View Post
    I see no use for it and lashing out against someone you love is not something that would be productive for the relationship in ANY way. Therefore I shall never do it. I feel there is no type I cannot establish "dominance" over, however with great power comes great responsibility.
    A crushed flower is still a crushed flower, no matter what the particular type it is we ENFJs try to "fix." The key in all personal development is let the person we encounter to grow first...not to get our "dirty paws" all over the plant before it has a chance to fully bloom.

    We mustn't crush the flower. We must let it grow on its own terms. I'm not sure an ESTP-ENFJ romantic relationship be that harmoniousóthere might be too many variables to overcome. It ultimately depends upon the individual people involved though. Best of luck!
    "In the end it is not a matter of reason; it is a matter of love." - St. Thomas More

  9. #49
    Senior Member FC3S's Avatar
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    An ENFJ + ESTP? I can see both defending the other's weak points and watching the other's backs. But I only see this if both were healthy. If so much as one is unhealthy, sparks are going to fly and other people caught up in it are going to suffer.

    From personal experience - I'm an unhealthy ESTP and I duked it out with what I believe is an equally unhealthy ENFJ. Seven years of friendship - gone.

    My advice - if you really must, take it very slowly, very, very, very slowly and hammer out an alliance.
    ESTP - Definition: "Love" is making a shot to the knees of a target a 120 km away, with an aratech sniper rifle and tri-light scope.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  10. #50
    Senior Member Jonathanthegreat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FC3S View Post
    An ENFJ + ESTP? I can see both defending the other's weak points and watching the other's backs. But I only see this if both were healthy. If so much as one is unhealthy, sparks are going to fly and other people caught up in it are going to suffer.

    From personal experience - I'm an unhealthy ESTP and I duked it out with what I believe is an equally unhealthy ENFJ. Seven years of friendship - gone.

    My advice - if you really must, take it very slowly, very, very, very slowly and hammer out an alliance.
    What do you mean seven years of friendship gone? Also recently she told me she can't talk to me anymore because she is liking me more than her b/f and that she'll speak to me in the "future". Before she's referenced her b/f as a "speed bump" etc. He verbally abuses her, she deserves far better. If a man doesn't love his wife/girlfriend, he doesn't love himself.

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