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  1. #1
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    Default An INFJ told me...

    ...not to tell her things that she 'likes so much to hear'. Apparently, she finds it 'very scary', even though she 'really enjoys talking' to me and she's 'afraid she likes it too much' (the conversing part, not the scary part). And she doesn't know whether she's in a dream as her reality is far from it

    I don't know what to make of what she had said in the above paragraph. There are contradictions of feelings (at least from what I've read) and I can't figure out what she's trying to get at. Therefore, dear NFs, please help me interpret what she's trying to say. I'm an INTJ and unfortunately, I'm rather bad at this kind of thing and don't really know how to respond to it

    Just a little background information, I met her on a dating site and we started exchanging messages (it's been a month since we started doing so). We're both single, in our early twenties (okay, I'm almost halfway into my twenties) and for those who are going to ask whether she's really an INFJ, I made her take the MBTI test. Anything else that you guys need to shed more light on the situation, just ask.

    Cheers.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Hang back just a tad so she can overcome her suspicion that you are too good to be true.

  3. #3
    Senior Member MrME's Avatar
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    Don't tell her what she wants to hear, tell her the truth. Sounds like she may like you a lot, but she fears it may be too good to be true.
    INFJ
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  4. #4
    Senior Member MrME's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    Hang back just a tad so she can overcome her suspicion that you are too good to be true.
    INFJ
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  5. #5
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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  6. #6
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    Date + alcohol + invite back to your place = answers to your questions.

    It's pretty simple.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    Hang back just a tad so she can overcome her suspicion that you are too good to be true.
    Quote Originally Posted by MrME View Post
    Don't tell her what she wants to hear, tell her the truth. Sounds like she may like you a lot, but she fears it may be too good to be true.
    They've both obviously nailed it. Especially now, you really don't want to come on too strong. Lay back, let her realize you are for real and that there are people out there as good as you, and let things flow.
    All people see, but no one sees the same.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    Hang back just a tad so she can overcome her suspicion that you are too good to be true.
    Quote Originally Posted by MrME View Post
    Don't tell her what she wants to hear, tell her the truth. Sounds like she may like you a lot, but she fears it may be too good to be true.
    Quote Originally Posted by Shelovesyoumaybe View Post
    They've both obviously nailed it. Especially now, you really don't want to come on too strong. Lay back, let her realize you are for real and that there are people out there as good as you, and let things flow.
    What should I do to make it seem as if I'm 'hanging back'?

    Also, I just say what I think of at that time. To be honest, I felt kinda insulted that she actually thought I was saying what she wanted to hear intentionally. I mean, I'm an INTJ! I can't not tell the truth, it's just not in my nature.

    I don't think I'm too good to be true, that is an erroneous perception of hers. I'm wondering if I should tell her everything that is bad about me so that she'll stop placing me on the pedestal. And being an INTJ, there are so many faults that I don't even know which one to start with.


    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    Date + alcohol + invite back to your place = answers to your questions.

    It's pretty simple.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Jeremy's Avatar
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    Something along the lines of..

    "Listen. I'm not perfect.. but I don't want you to think I've been trying to be someone I'm not. I really do care about you, and I want you to know that. So if you want to talk, just know that I am being me, and I do want to get to know you. If you don't want to talk, that's fine - I'll always be here for you."

    Obviously that's way too scripted and cheesy, but something along those lines may help. I'm not a relationship expert, but I know that would work for me. I have a tendency, in any relationship, to need reaffirmation of the fact that we are, really, truly, in a relationship (friends or otherwise). I don't take that for granted. It seems to me that your girlfriend may be experiencing the same dilemma - "Does he really like me? Or does he just like me for this? Or does he not like me but doesn't want to be mean? Or does he... etc."

    EDIT: She doesn't need to have a list of your flaws. She just wants to know that you're being sincere to her. Everyone has flaws, and laying them all out for her won't make her doubts go away.
    "Can you set me free from this dark inner world? Save me now, last beats in the soul.."

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  10. #10
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    Is this possible? She has doubts that she's interested but she wants to continue getting information to know for sure. She's bringing up a reason to fall back on later that won't sound too bad to the other person.

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