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Thread: An INFJ told me...

  1. #11


    i didn't have the impression, that its about how good you are (behaving), or why you say what you say, but about how good she makes you in her fantasy. F types tend to easily synthesize a level of symbiotic depth. symbiotic as in unauthentic. synthesize their own perception of someone. like an actor who starts to believe what he plays and whom he plays "against". if you say something, she feels compelled to respond internally with the correlating attitude. the attitude that appreciates the level of sympathy. if i am smart (i a position like her's), i have to become suspicious about my 'own' wishfull creations. i may not want the specific partner, but just the level of sympathy. but once i start to doubt like this, i won't trust in anything virtual again. so what helps is actually the step into real life. there it's much easier to tell, what has substance, and what is synthesized sympathy. at least for me. for a bad case of borderline it might be harder...

    Is this possible? She has doubts that she's interested but she wants to continue getting information to know for sure. She's bringing up a reason to fall back on later that won't sound too bad to the other person.
    yes, i think that goes hand in hand with what i have written

  2. #12
    Permabanned Array
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    Apr 2007
    9w1 sx/sp


    Quote Originally Posted by Hao View Post
    Oh yeah, INTJ male.

    Here you go.

  3. #13
    Occasional Member Array Evan's Avatar
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    Nov 2007


    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    Date + alcohol + invite back to your place = answers to your questions.

    It's pretty simple.
    So true.

  4. #14
    lurking.... Array Wyst's Avatar
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    Jul 2008


    I, for one, ALWAYS deflect compliments. I love getting praise and accolades but outwardly I'll reject it or blow it off.

    So there's your contradiction for you right there.

    Also, if she's very self-aware of herself, she may be on guard. Not against you but against herself. As in INFJ, I tend to spend a lot of time in thought (fantasy thought) so when I come back to reality, it can frequently disappoint. If she does this and is aware of that tendency in herself she may be trying to guard her heart and slow things down a bit so she doesn't get hurt..

    Who knows man. Either way, I'd ease off the gas a little bit and allow time for a friendship to develop. Good luck!

  5. #15
    Mr. Blue Array entropie's Avatar
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    Apr 2008
    3w2 so


    An INFJ told me about every single person in my life, creating the bigger picture they all do suck. Then I asked her where to go from here on ?

    She didnt say...
    Johari / Nohari

    "How dreadful!" cried Lord Henry. "I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect."
    ~ Oscar Wilde - The picture of Dorian Gray

  6. #16
    Artisan Conquerer Array Halla74's Avatar
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    Jan 2009
    7w8 sx/so


    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    An INFJ told me about every single person in my life, creating the bigger picture they all do suck. Then I asked her where to go from here on ?

    She didnt say...
    WOW. I would have asked her to pose as your "Life Coach", call such said people on the phone, and give them the 10-20 as to why they suck. That would have been funny as hell:

    "Hello there ______. I'm Entropie's Life Coach and we have been discussing his circle of friends. After analyzing your friendship with Entropie it is apparent that you suck, and are holding him back from realizing his full potential. The reasons you make Entropie's life suck include ______, _____, and _______. At this point it would be in Entropie's best interest if you remitted $______ to him as he will need some time and space to get over the pain you have caused him, and he does have bills after all you know. So, all is forgiven if you can tow the line from here on out. Don't forget to drop off the cash real soon, and if you don't mind please bring over a bottle of Jaegermeister and leave it by the doorstep in the next 20 minutes or so, we're kind of running out over here. Thanks a bundle!"

  7. #17


    i once fell in love with an INFJ woman ... who after the first night told me she "felt so comfortable it was scary," and she acted a bit scared-like too... imho, infj guys can be pretty messed up and confusing when it comes to relationships (and i would know), but infj girls are just waaaay out there ... dont go looking to understand them. or in fact, trust your instincts, and do the OPPOSITE!

    and certainly dont be discouraged by any signals you might getting, etc. my advice to you, would be to woo her gently, patiently and persistently, and just hope for the best.
    "It is only in folk tales, children's stories, and the journals of intellectual opinion that power is used wisely and well to destroy evil. The real world teaches very different lessons, and it takes willful and dedicated ignorance to fail to perceive them."

    - Noam Chomsky

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