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Thread: Need help understanding my INFJ mom.

  1. #11
    Senior Member Array
    Join Date
    Mar 2009


    I don't know if my experience is anything like your Mom's, but my outgoing, energetic, charismatic husband is my ticket to the outer world. I realized this early on and trained myself to be more capable and functional out there and not depend on my husband so much. If your Mom is very religious, she may be using what I think is basically very poor theology -- but that's neither here nor there -- to make herself more functional in the role your Dad used to occupy for her. You may not see it on the surface, especially since she's your mom, but INFJ's are incredibly intense and incredibly emotional underneath -- your Mom probably isn't going insane, you just got a glimpse of how she functions inside under the worst of circumstances. It may be a matter of growing up really fast for you, but all the advice above about spending real time with her and really listening to what's going on with her will make a difference. I think your Mom's growing too. You're wonderful to care so much about her.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Array gloomy-optimist's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008


    Well, I'd say not too focus on the whole "personal God" thing right now; spirituality can be a form of escapism, yes, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Instead, try to make sure she doesn't envelope herself in that spirituality to the point where she begins to neglect the "outside" world. Don't allow her to let that be her only anchor.

    And I agree that you should communicate to her. Don't just make it talking, and don't just make it hugs -- let her KNOW that you care, that you're genuine (that's important!) and allow herself to feel that it's okay to be a bit selfish and show that she's upset. This doesn't have to be verbal; hugs and letting her cry in front of you without freaking out is also very comforting.

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