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  1. #1
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    Default ENFP Dating: the "Space Between" Calls and Texts

    I'm an ENFP involved in the dating scene and I find I am having to practice major restraint not to so called "bombard" the person I am dating with texts, calls, etc. *inhale* , *exhale* When you first start dating someone: HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH? Anyone know what "normal" is so that we can have a frame of reference? What feels like "bombarding" to other types may feel like "normal" to an ENFP because we thrive off intensity. It's a fine line that I am learning to negotiate. I don't want to smother, but I also don't want to "play it cool" because it feels dishonest and inauthentic.

  2. #2
    Senior Member alexx's Avatar
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    It's been a very long time since I've dated anyone... But I am right there with you.


    You know what - screw it! That's a stupid rule I think. I mean, if you are really interested - that's flattering! I'd call the next day....

    When were we ENFP's ever good at following rules (when it comes to love)?

    89% Extroverted ~ 68% Intuition ~ 84% Feeling ~ 89% Perceiving
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  3. #3
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Ahahah! The classic ENFP dating problem. Yeah, I'm not really sure either, I usually would just end up overdoing it.

  4. #4
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    How much do you feel is normal to call someone? I guess that you should reduce that number by 30% and you'll be fine.

  5. #5
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    I don't think this is necessarily a type related question... I know I definitly have that urge to call/ text all the time when I'm first getting to know someone. We've just become a society of instant gratification. I think before the age of cell phones and email, courting was very different. People are twittering now and telling the world what's going on every 5 minutes of the day?

    I've had the restraint to send a text every time I want to, which can be a LOT but I've also not had the issue of someone smothering me. Has anyone actually felt smothered by too much attention from someone? I'm really curious about this one...

  6. #6
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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  7. #7
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    I think playing it cool is very authentic. Assuming you're cool to begin with.



    *brushes dust off collar*

  8. #8
    Senior Member alexx's Avatar
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    You NT's are such strange little things....

    89% Extroverted ~ 68% Intuition ~ 84% Feeling ~ 89% Perceiving
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  9. #9
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    I didn't realize we had this problem. I'm just the opposite, if anything people think I'm uninterested just because I don't bombard. I only respond as much as the person sends.. so if you text me all the time, you'll probably get texts back. At the same token, if someone just wants to go on weekly dates, they'll probably hear from me once a week.
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  10. #10
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I don't know what is normal. I don't think there is a norm, just individual preferences or tendencies.

    I can go two weeks without contacting someone I am interested in. The time just flies I by. I feel really bad about it though. It's not even that I don't think about them (I may think about them a lot), but I am afraid to act in reality sometimes. It feels so much safer to never talk to people...

    When I really, really, really like someone romantically, more than a few days of not hearing from them can feel like an eternity, and yet I still will wait for them to initiate contact. Because it's so easy for me to lose track of time, I give other people the benefit of the doubt and wait a week or so and then if I cannot stand it I contact them. Ideally, I would talk to them briefly once a day, or a few texts and emails. More than that might make me feel smothered. However, the more I like someone, the less it feels they are intruding on my time, and I will make it a priority to respond and keep in contact.

    If I am not really into someone, then hearing from them more than a few times a week can annoy me. I feel like they are interrupting my space and not giving me a chance to come to them when I am ready. At some point I will come to them, but it's often too late on their timetable. I've realized that when I am this way, it's my way of telling myself, "You're just not that into him".

    This is all bad, bad, bad though....probably why I am always single and just ran off over 5 guys in three months

    Ultimately, for me & the guys I date, it's in both of our best interests if they pursue without too much letup (maybe starting off a little slowly though).
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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