User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 32

  1. #1
    Member janey_girl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    INtJ
    Posts
    74

    Default INFJ - the importance of space?

    Hi there.... Just wondering if it's an INFJ thing or just me? I feel really in need of space. Not all of the time, just as long as I know I'm going to get some space I am fine but when I don't I get really cranky, anxious and no fun to be around....

    Right now, my land lady is being a real "space invader" - when I first moved in six months ago all was good - she had a boyfriend who rarely came to the house and I used to get 2 - 3 evenings a week on my own and even if she was there it was cool, we'd sit, chat and watch some TV.... For the past 10 - 12 weeks she has a new fella and he is over all the time. I don't like him and feel very uncomfortable in his presence (just the sound of his grating voice makes me feel physically sick) so I find myself either spending time at my boyfriend's which is fine mostly (he's an ISTP so needs his space as well and I try not to overstay my welcome) or spend my time in my tiny room avoiding my land lady and her fella. Last night even though I was starving I waited for ages before I could make my evening meal.

    The house is too small really for both of us to have any real privacy - the lounge goes straight into the dining area, which goes straight into the kitchen so even when I was making my evening meal last night I tried to be as quiet and considerate as possible. The walls are very thin as well and I heard them having sex last night as well, which turned my stomach (I'm no prude but it was like hearing your mum and dad having sex - not the best).

    Into this mix she has an eight year old son she sees every 3 weekends (it was one in 4 when I first moved in - which was fine) as well as all the holidays. I don't like children and try and stay out of the way - over Easter though it was hell, a careful balance of not imposing too much on my boyfriend against not imposing too much on my land lady "playing happy families" with her son and boyfriend...

    When this first started I was having a hard job handling it and will be moving out in 10 days to a teeny weeny studio flat....

    Any other INFJs find "space invaders" difficult to stomach? How do you handle things with them?

  2. #2
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9 sp/sx
    Socionics
    LIE
    Posts
    3,965

    Default

    If they are reasonable - talk
    If not - they no longer exist
    I N V I C T U S

  3. #3
    Member janey_girl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    INtJ
    Posts
    74

    Default

    I have talked to her about this, telling her that I feel uncomfortable about the situation... The situation improved for a few days but then she reverted to ignoring my needs....

    I am only there for another 10 days - it feels like a lifetime though!

  4. #4
    Phantonym
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by janey_girl View Post
    Just wondering if it's an INFJ thing or just me? I feel really in need of space. Not all of the time, just as long as I know I'm going to get some space I am fine but when I don't I get really cranky, anxious and no fun to be around....

    I feel the same way, so you're not alone! I too get very frustrated when I have to tolerate people suddenly crowding my space for too long.

    For me, it was really difficult living with my parents when I was in my teens. I mean, I love them to death and they're not that pushy but the fact that they were around just bothered me so much. Waking up and hearing them say "Good morning" to me was just annoying early in the mornings I could feel this frustration building up and you can't just blurt it out because you fear you might offend them. So, the only way to handle it was to move out And it's not just because I was a teenager. Even now, in my late 20s, I just have to have my space, even for a little while to gather myself to face the outside world.


    As for your situation with your landlady, janey_girl, I think that she feels in control because it is her house. All the while you're being worried about not bothering her and just being a normal polite person, maybe she sees this as weakness and an opportunity to take more control.


    I've been wondering about this need for space. Could it be that, for INFJ's, it's really important to observe things from a distance to get the "feel" and to get accustomed to things before you can act. You sort of assess the situation from a distance. When you're being thrown into a situation where you have no control over things they just start to smother you.

  5. #5
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9 sp/sx
    Socionics
    LIE
    Posts
    3,965

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by janey_girl View Post
    I have talked to her about this, telling her that I feel uncomfortable about the situation... The situation improved for a few days but then she reverted to ignoring my needs....

    I am only there for another 10 days - it feels like a lifetime though!
    Make it a peaceful run for the finish line
    "its not how you start, but how you finish"
    I N V I C T U S

  6. #6
    Member janey_girl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    INtJ
    Posts
    74

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Thursday View Post
    Make it a peaceful run for the finish line
    "its not how you start, but how you finish"
    I guess I should take the high road.....

  7. #7
    Member janey_girl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    INtJ
    Posts
    74

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    I feel the same way, so you're not alone! I too get very frustrated when I have to tolerate people suddenly crowding my space for too long.

    For me, it was really difficult living with my parents when I was in my teens. I mean, I love them to death and they're not that pushy but the fact that they were around just bothered me so much. Waking up and hearing them say "Good morning" to me was just annoying early in the mornings I could feel this frustration building up and you can't just blurt it out because you fear you might offend them. So, the only way to handle it was to move out And it's not just because I was a teenager. Even now, in my late 20s, I just have to have my space, even for a little while to gather myself to face the outside world.


    As for your situation with your landlady, janey_girl, I think that she feels in control because it is her house. All the while you're being worried about not bothering her and just being a normal polite person, maybe she sees this as weakness and an opportunity to take more control.


    I've been wondering about this need for space. Could it be that, for INFJ's, it's really important to observe things from a distance to get the "feel" and to get accustomed to things before you can act. You sort of assess the situation from a distance. When you're being thrown into a situation where you have no control over things they just start to smother you.
    I'm glad I'm not alone in this - you're right, even the "morning" is too much - I need my space and am feeling incredibly hemmed in at the moment...

    Also I do think it is a power thing - although she never says "this is my house" all her actions speak it incredibly loudly and I feel it all the time - maybe I am acting weak - I e-mailed her about the issues as I didn't want to get into a stand up row or cry. It was ok for a very short period of time, she told me when he was over, what was happening and I felt a bit easier - being there and not knowing when he'll be around is the issue I have mostly... If I know, I can deal with it....

    It is really stressing me out though! I know it's only 10 days....

  8. #8
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9 sp/sx
    Socionics
    LIE
    Posts
    3,965

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by janey_girl View Post
    I guess I should take the high road.....
    Correction - you know you should, but you like drama in your own little way
    don't we all
    I N V I C T U S

  9. #9
    Member janey_girl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    INtJ
    Posts
    74

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Thursday View Post
    Correction - you know you should, but you like drama in your own little way
    don't we all
    Too true - probably why I listened to my music a little louder than normal last night....

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    408

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by janey_girl View Post
    Any other INFJs find "space invaders" difficult to stomach? How do you handle things with them?
    Oh, yes. I like lots and lots of space. I satisfied my need for space by building a little cabin way out in the woods. It's wonderful.

    When I can't leave physically, I leave mentally. I retreat to reading or writing. I find a corner and put up all the "keep out" nonverbal signs. I dream out the window, isolating myself from the crowd.

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] INFJs, the importance of independence?
    By A_priori in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 12-21-2012, 12:10 AM
  2. The importance of feelings?
    By Virtual ghost in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 10-28-2008, 05:51 PM
  3. The Importance of Art
    By placebo in forum Arts & Entertainment
    Replies: 34
    Last Post: 09-30-2008, 09:42 PM
  4. The importance of the temperaments in MBTT
    By Ezra in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 04-06-2008, 12:38 PM
  5. Replies: 10
    Last Post: 10-25-2007, 01:35 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO