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Thread: ENFJ and Groups

  1. #1
    Senior Member SpottingTrains's Avatar
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    Default ENFJ and Groups

    I find that whenever I am in a group situation (3+ people) I tend to become more apathetic towards engaging in the conversation.

    Basically, I think that as the number of people in the group increases linearly my disinterest in engaging in the conversation goes up exponentially.

    It has something to do with not being able to directly identify with anyone (this isn't the best phrasing). I find that as a group grows people will unconsciously latch onto common traits between each other till a group norm is reached. Maybe someone could shed some light on this.

    I guess my question is how do you feel in group situations and what do you do to get involved or at least make it interesting? I tend to find myself trying to almost break-off and communicate with someone on a 1-1 level.

    Thanks for the replies!

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    Senior Member Cronkle's Avatar
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    Totally agree. I have noticed this too. It is harder to directly relate to groups so it is harder for communication, since I tend to identify so much. I also prefer 1-on-1 almost every time. People also act different in groups than they are by themselves, so I prefer solo since it seems more real, in a way.

    Answer: I generally just endure the conversation or focus on one person way more than the others. Public speaking courses help if you're near a college and want to audit.

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    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    True.
    At a party I just flit from one person to the next because when I'm with groups
    of people it's difficult to concentrate on just one and that's what I prefer...or if not one on one at least a small group of two or three. If I'm at a really large party I can generally be found dancing (if there is music) or helping the host.
    for my life is slowed up by thought and the need to understand what I am living.

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    very interesting; didn't know that extroverts could feel this way! I almost always prefer to hang around with people one-on-one, or in a very small group. when there are too many people I just find it very difficult to focus and I also think people act sort of superficial.

    my solution is to have different friends from all walks of life, and to spend time with each of them separately. lots of times, the close friends I have don't know each other or are not close with each other. it works for me

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    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bearette View Post
    very interesting; didn't know that extroverts could feel this way! I almost always prefer to hang around with people one-on-one, or in a very small group. when there are too many people I just find it very difficult to focus and I also think people act sort of superficial.

    my solution is to have different friends from all walks of life, and to spend time with each of them separately. lots of times, the close friends I have don't know each other or are not close with each other. it works for me
    Same for me....I've always longed to have a "group" of friends I hung out with & belonged to, but instead I have individual close friendships with people I spend time with separately, and it really works much better. I get lost in a group anyway.

    And yes, interesting to see some Es prefer a one-on-one setting.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

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    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    I'm silent in groups until someone addresses me directly, and usually I'm comic relief. That's the only time you'll really hear me in a group situation. If a round table discussion is on, you also might hear me.

    But as to parties, I find myself engaging one person at a time. I felt way more confident in large groups/house parties with my INTJ wingman because I felt like if I was tired or needed to cool it, I had him with me.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
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    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  7. #7
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    I'm silent in groups until someone addresses me directly, and usually I'm comic relief. That's the only time you'll really hear me in a group situation. If a round table discussion is on, you also might hear me.

    But as to parties, I find myself engaging one person at a time. I felt way more confident in large groups/house parties with my INTJ wingman because I felt like if I was tired or needed to cool it, I had him with me.
    Even as an INFJ, I am the exact same way. I usually am the comic relief also! haha

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    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    I felt way more confident in large groups/house parties with my INTJ wingman because I felt like if I was tired or needed to cool it, I had him with me.

    lol...yep.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

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    Senior Member chris1207's Avatar
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    This is a mystery I've been trying to crack since I was 16 or so. I'm definitely an E, so I should just be acting like an idiot and saying whatever comes to mind but I don't, at least till recently. Basically, I think that ENFJ's are very image-conscious and don't want to make fools of themselves by saying something that offends someone. As a result, we end up filtering our input to oblivion or we give up and trail away, mind-wise, to explore the mysteries of the universe and social interaction.

    When you have more than a few people, societal norms of behavior come into play and as some have stated we don't like this fake form of interaction. We either don't like the roles that we're given or don't feel like establishing them in the first place. I like to relate to people and discover all the intricacies that make them who they are. It's also really difficult for me to feed my need to control the group through Fe, with exaggeration and comedy. When the crowd shows that they aren't entertained, I get off the stage. I really hate when NT's squabble about political or philosophical concepts. Now that's a tough crowd! I like the easy going people!

    The way that I deal with it is, rather than pushing Fe Ni on people, I use Se to make observations, similar to the way that my INTP friends do with Ne. I really like the way they approach social situations and admire their abilities. A healthy INTP is like a fat guy at a buffet sampling the ideas that are presented to him as they come and picking and choosing the ones he likes. I just make very real observations about the world around me and describe how those things make me feel. It totally works. Just give it a shot!
    "... you think deeply about stuff [that] nobody cares about and hardly anybody can understand you." ~ Peguy talking about Ni users. So true.

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    Senior Member SpottingTrains's Avatar
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    Nice post Chris, put into words a lot of what I had been thinking about. Could you go into more detail about the whole Se thing? I may need to look into this 'sensing' thing.

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