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  1. #1
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    Default How do you deal with someone not liking you?

    Seriously.
    There's this woman who's begun to hang out recently with the same 'group' that I hang out with. I would say 'insinuated herself within' might be a better term. Everyone seems to think she's innocent but she'll just sort of say or do kind of nasty little things to me. ie. she said "I really liked that skirt and then I realized you were wearing it." Or, we're in the same class and we were supposed to practice with the person behind us and she was behind me so she just got up and walked out and didn't return until the exercise was almost over. Ah, and lately we went to this "movie room" and I told the group "anything but chick flicks" and while I was looking through the movies she picked a chick flick and got the other girls to say ok. Then later, when I was unhappy, she said "oh, was that a chick flick?" What else *is* a romantic comedy with no plot *other* than a chick flick? And then she was like "I guess that's the trouble of doing things in groups, someone's always disappointed."
    I really can't tell if anyone else can tell how she's behaving toward me and I don't spend time with her so I don't really feel like I can just invite her to coffee and say "so, you don't like me." Also, the stuff she says is just...it seems subtly mean, so if I call her on it she could easily say that I just didn't understand and then I would look rash and stupid. But...Why on earth doesn't she like me?!
    She's ESFx. And, I think she may be an Artisan. Why? Shes' a drama teacher, she seems really disingenuine to me, she thinks that 'oh, because I felt it' is a valid reason for doing anything.
    Any ideas? How should I respond? I normally try to avoid unhappy conflict.
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  2. #2
    DoubleplusUngoodNonperson
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    dude, drama students (and hence teachers) are taught to EXPRESS and even exaggerate any emotions they have or can infer exist, anywhere, at all times of the day.... You should see my performing arts roomate watching sports, its frikkin' rediculus!

    You need to consider her profession, not her type IMO.... as much as you might hate having to do it, she probably needs some compliments to build positive sentiment with you.

  3. #3
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by briochick View Post
    She's ESFx. And, I think she may be an Artisan. Why? Shes' a drama teacher, she seems really disingenuine to me, she thinks that 'oh, because I felt it' is a valid reason for doing anything.
    She could just as easily be ESFJ. Especially with the "subtlety."

    Honestly, I say call her on it. If she tries to deny it, don't back down. Make it plain to her (and everyone else, if that's the case) what exactly she said that was rude and ask her why she feels the need to put you down so much. I see no other way of dealing with this. I assume she's an adult, so she can handle it.

  4. #4
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by briochick View Post
    Seriously.
    There's this woman who's begun to hang out recently with the same 'group' that I hang out with. I would say 'insinuated herself within' might be a better term. Everyone seems to think she's innocent but she'll just sort of say or do kind of nasty little things to me. ie. she said "I really liked that skirt and then I realized you were wearing it." Or, we're in the same class and we were supposed to practice with the person behind us and she was behind me so she just got up and walked out and didn't return until the exercise was almost over. Ah, and lately we went to this "movie room" and I told the group "anything but chick flicks" and while I was looking through the movies she picked a chick flick and got the other girls to say ok. Then later, when I was unhappy, she said "oh, was that a chick flick?" What else *is* a romantic comedy with no plot *other* than a chick flick? And then she was like "I guess that's the trouble of doing things in groups, someone's always disappointed."
    I really can't tell if anyone else can tell how she's behaving toward me and I don't spend time with her so I don't really feel like I can just invite her to coffee and say "so, you don't like me." Also, the stuff she says is just...it seems subtly mean, so if I call her on it she could easily say that I just didn't understand and then I would look rash and stupid. But...Why on earth doesn't she like me?!
    She's ESFx. And, I think she may be an Artisan. Why? Shes' a drama teacher, she seems really disingenuine to me, she thinks that 'oh, because I felt it' is a valid reason for doing anything.
    Any ideas? How should I respond? I normally try to avoid unhappy conflict.
    the bolded part limits me too much to help as, to me, there is such a thing as an 'ecstatic conflict'. sorry.
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  5. #5
    Senior Member whimsical's Avatar
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    Next time she does something or says something disrespectful like that, just as said above, call her out on it. We can all see she's being rude to you. It's even worse when there's no reason for it. Ask her why she apparently hates you so much and have this example and possibly more in mind to pull out if she denies anything. If you want to be more "gentle" with this you can tell her that you accept/respect who she is, and she should do the same and accept who you are. Whatever you do you have to make it known that you do not appreciate how she is treating you and you won't take her bullshit disrespectful treatment anymore.

  6. #6
    violaine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    She could just as easily be ESFJ. Especially with the "subtlety."

    Honestly, I say call her on it. If she tries to deny it, don't back down. Make it plain to her (and everyone else, if that's the case) what exactly she said that was rude and ask her why she feels the need to put you down so much. I see no other way of dealing with this. I assume she's an adult, so she can handle it.
    +1. If it were me I would put her right back in her place. This is how some people test your boundaries imo.

  7. #7
    See Right Through Me Bubbles's Avatar
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    Hahaha, I've had the same problem with a drama teacher! Except I was the student. And already that counted as a point against me.

    Okay, well, I'll tell you what DOESN'T work. Calling the woman out on her behavior. It feels good, yes, but she'll twist it into "Some people are just so sensitive, honestly," and people will laugh at your expense. I'm ashamed to say it, but I've cried in front of her thanks to that kind of behavior. Of course I said something once and she misinterpreted it, screamed at me, and ran out of the room....which led to the official vendetta against me. And I will not forget the time I couldn't show up for a meeting and told her I'd be at the doctor's, got a sweet smile and an "Oh, don't worry, honey," only to come the next day and hear she badtalked me and threatened to kick me out me in my absence. I got a million stories like this, honestly. Some are worse and I don't feel like typing 'em online.

    Sooooooo. I went up to her after school and chewed her out, refused to forgive her, and now we're on shaky ground. Like an I-respect-you-but-I-really-don't kind of thing. But it's over now for me, so I can only sympathize. Some people just don't get us INFPs.

    They like getting their ego stroked, these people. Like nozflubber said, you're not going to like it, but maybe you should find her good points and compliment her on them. Yeah...kissing-up is against my moral code, too. But standing up for yourself can backfire with these people. They twist what you say.

    EDIT: But if you want to say something, do it. I mean, you're adults, so it could be a different situation. But the teacher I'm referring to had a way of getting the kids to act buddy-buddy with her, if that makes sense. Does it?
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  8. #8
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    the bolded part limits me too much to help as, to me, there is such a thing as an 'ecstatic conflict'. sorry.
    Agreed.

    The way for me to avoid conflict... is NOT to avoid it in the primary stages of meeting someone new. If someone says something I don't like I will calmly but promptly reply (read: fire a come back) to that. So this way I separate the people worth my time from those not worth my time right from the beginning.

  9. #9
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Or you could passive aggressively mock her to goad out a bigger reaction (since it seems to be bubbling right below the surface as it is), and then you would be justified in calling her out. Not that you aren't anyway. Just make sure you do this in front of your friends.

    Seems underhanded and not-straightforward, but I think it would work. Plus you get to mock her, which has to be cathartic on some level.
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  10. #10
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Maybe I need to swallow my pride but I would never compliment anyone who was treating me like that, under any circumstances.

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