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  1. #11
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    She could just as easily be ESFJ. Especially with the "subtlety."

    Honestly, I say call her on it....I assume she's an adult, so she can handle it.
    Quote Originally Posted by whimsical View Post
    Next time she does something or says something disrespectful like that, just as said above, call her out on it....
    hmmm, well, that's not going to be pleasant (understatement obviously). Right. Compliment maybe, and call her on it. ok, call her on it in the moment? like, the next time she says something? That's what you mean...right?

    And, yes, we're all adults.
    And, what I meant by unhappy conflict is; a debate over what Obama should do to affect the situation in Mexico is a conflict but it doesn't necessarily involve someone taking something personally. Now, it can, but it's not innate to the conflict. Unhappy conflict means that someone is *going* to take something personally.
    -Brio

    "I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."
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  2. #12
    I am Sofa King!!! kendoiwan's Avatar
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    "He who does not feel me, is not real to me, therefore he doesn't exist"
    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...ml#post1161526

    "They the type of cats who pollute the whole shoreline. Have it purified. Sell it for a $1.25"

  3. #13
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by briochick View Post
    hmmm, well, that's not going to be pleasant (understatement obviously)... call her on it in the moment? like, the next time she says something? That's what you mean...right?
    Yes.

    I'm not a fan of conflict either. But I won't avoid it when absolutely neccessary. And in this case it is absolutely neccessary. Unless you want to keep putting up with her behavior.

  4. #14
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    Kissing up is also against my moral code and right now I have no desire to compliment her. Honestly I think she's kind of stupid (though that may be her insults talking). I think I let things go at first (and I've known her for almost two months now so I've got a good half a dozen times where she was mean) because I think that I must have been mistaken, that someone wouldn't *really* mean that. Then, by the time I realize that, yes, they do (say, around the beginning of last week) people already think I'm a pushover when in fact I often don't realize I've been insulted until an hour or so after the fact (erm, I'm adhd and while it obviously doesn't manifest like it did when I was a kid, it takes me a while to process social stuff, I'm like that with other reactions too, won't realize someone's flirted with me until they're already gone, but my friends assure me that it's not obvious and I just seem a little spacey/quirky).
    I would like to confront her but I also worry about being made into the bad guy. But then, I really need to stand up for myself, don't I?
    -Brio

    "I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."
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  5. #15
    Senior Member whimsical's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by briochick View Post
    hmmm, well, that's not going to be pleasant (understatement obviously). Right. Compliment maybe, and call her on it. ok, call her on it in the moment? like, the next time she says something? That's what you mean...right?

    And, yes, we're all adults.
    And, what I meant by unhappy conflict is; a debate over what Obama should do to affect the situation in Mexico is a conflict but it doesn't necessarily involve someone taking something personally. Now, it can, but it's not innate to the conflict. Unhappy conflict means that someone is *going* to take something personally.
    Don't compliment her. She's done nothing to deserve a compliment.

  6. #16
    Senior Member whimsical's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by briochick View Post
    Kissing up is also against my moral code and right now I have no desire to compliment her. Honestly I think she's kind of stupid (though that may be her insults talking). I think I let things go at first (and I've known her for almost two months now so I've got a good half a dozen times where she was mean) because I think that I must have been mistaken, that someone wouldn't *really* mean that. Then, by the time I realize that, yes, they do (say, around the beginning of last week) people already think I'm a pushover when in fact I often don't realize I've been insulted until an hour or so after the fact (erm, I'm adhd and while it obviously doesn't manifest like it did when I was a kid, it takes me a while to process social stuff, I'm like that with other reactions too, won't realize someone's flirted with me until they're already gone, but my friends assure me that it's not obvious and I just seem a little spacey/quirky).
    I would like to confront her but I also worry about being made into the bad guy. But then, I really need to stand up for myself, don't I?
    You're not the "bad guy" here. She's the one disrespecting you and she's the one who needs to be told to stop before she makes it a common practice.

  7. #17
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    Maybe she feels threatened by you? I come across this a bit, and I either suck up (if a boss or supervisor) as much as it pains me to do, or completely ignore them so they think I'm completely indifferent. Sucking up tends to work better...but I feel souless.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #18
    See Right Through Me Bubbles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Maybe I need to swallow my pride but I would never compliment anyone who was treating me like that, under any circumstances.
    ...Neither would I. But I was miserable when I didn't, and defending myself made things worse. *thinks* Maybe instead, the OP could find someone to back her up when she defends herself? I don't mean to fight her battles, but to second, "Yeah, this is mean and stupid, shut up." I didn't have that. Maybe that's why my fighting backfired?
    4w3, IEI, so/sx/sp, female, and Cancer sign.

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  9. #19
    Member Manimal's Avatar
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    in this kind of situation i usualy just give back in the same way im recieving. they usualy get the message very quickly, nothing like speaking their own language.

  10. #20
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    I forgot to add, take every opportunity to call her out on stupid things said, and do it as though you are bored, if you take the indifference approach. It will drive her nuts...If you do it enough, and if you are lucky she'll lose her temper (and she will) in front of your friends and maybe go into full attack mode. Either way her true colours are shown.
    Did I sound manipulative?
    Oh, And make sure you have some one who has your back.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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