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  1. #1
    Junior Member Ectuse's Avatar
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    Default Potential INFP Problem...

    I have spent six years in isolation. After a series of panic attacks, I decided to be more social online as I have no personal contacts who understand me. I initial thought I was a INTP and made a foolish decision to post on INTPc, not realizing how poor my esteem really was. I wanted to somehow mesh as I made a lot of posts, at the same time as being true to myself.

    I didn't realize how sensitive I really was, as my expressions were seen as annoying to a few, and eventually I tripped a flame wire. I just couldn't back out, and at the same time wanted to gather opinion of my posts, to no avail...

    Due to the effect, my emotions are now quite unstable, I fear due to my constant isolation since childhood, as well as my lack of any sort of relationship, has helped render me extremely inept socially. I want to get better and figured posting can help, but I find it difficult to act like a rational and what I think are decent metaphors are being perceived as childish by a good number I think. I also forgot to mention this issue has sprawled out before on online chatting which was why it was a long time since I chatted at all online.

    Posting after realizing I am a INFP might have been strictly out of habit. I think one reason why I might have had a lingering attachment to rationals was, that I was raised with this idea that I was supposed to be a nerd, as I enjoyed playing on the computer. I of course do not think I can go back to INTPc after this.

    Comments?
    Last edited by Ectuse; 04-17-2009 at 06:03 PM.
    4w5=6 RLUEI

  2. #2
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Just keep fighting. I think as INFPs we do have a fighting nature underneath all the uncertainty. Ultimately, we will find a new avenue for survival. Bootcamp didn't work, INTPc didn't work, well, keep looking for a new path. Lose the idea that you will "fit" anywhere completely and embrace being the oddball in situations. Let people come to you. I've found seeking others out always leaves me feeling rejected and disappointed. If I just go about being me, I draw people who value who I am. It's a slow and lonely process, but it's the only way I have made any successful connections with people. I don't know if it is an INFP thing, but somehow reaching out to others can result in us getting smacked away. Since we're so sensitive, it's very traumatizing, and then we withdraw & become negative & don't attract anyone.

    If you want to go to a local college, then go, and learn and do your thing, and maybe people will notice you & maybe they won't.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  3. #3
    Junior Member Ectuse's Avatar
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    That definitely sounds like a good idea. Trying to make friends has always failed when I was on the offensive.
    4w5=6 RLUEI

  4. #4
    desert pelican Owl's Avatar
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    I washed out of basic training about six years ago too!

    Maybe the exclamation point is inappropriate? dunno.

    I think you should go for it. (I mean college).

    I don't know what happened at INTPc, but I'm tempted go find out. Don't let it worry you. Take from it what you can, and move on.

    Like I said, I washed out too. It was devastating. Not only that, but I too am totally socially inept, and my first years in college were... awkward, but I've found my college experience to be invaluable. It's helped me grow as a person in so many ways, and my quality of life is exponentially better now than it was before I went.

    I'm still horrible at social interaction, but I've learned that not all persons have identical personalities, and my unique personality enables me to make a unique and valuable contribution. So, even if you don't become a master of social etiquette, you won't be a failure. Indeed, you may find that you've the ability to master something the social butterflies can't master but is absolutely essential to social life. But, in order not to fail, you have to at least try to succeed.

    I hope things get better for you.

  5. #5
    Junior Member Ectuse's Avatar
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    I personally do not like those who insulted me, but it was a learning experience (albeit a painful one). I believe I know why another INTP forum was made, divided by principles no doubt. I think it is more of a issue with the community not the type, though this is just a personal belief. I am glad I had the courage to make this thread at least, it is very difficult to do such for myself.

    This conflict was just a clash of values nothing more. I think It is difficult communicating to intellectual elitists, thus to my shame... Blunted social apt leading to naivety I suppose. I do not wish to be criticized, however, as I am still trying to get better from my avoidance issues.
    4w5=6 RLUEI

  6. #6
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    Not meaning to come across as ignorant, but what's boot camp?
    Ectuse, you'll find that there is more than a few INFP's who are boarder line and INTP's that are vice versa.
    As for being sensitive, well, it can sneak up on you. I tend to walk a fine line, not always successfully...it's not obvious sometimes as I can be blunt, and some what insensitive to things that others are sensitive too (I can watch open heart surgery on T.V. while eating for instance).
    As for socially inept, we are awkward buggers. I've gotten better as I've gotten older, and with the right bunch of people, it doesn't matter anyway.
    I'd like to reply to the rest of your post, but words are escaping me today. Anyway welcome, and go to college....It was an awakening for me both socially and intellectually.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #7
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    Congrats to you for having the courage to continue posting. I'm sure some people don't understand, but being an INFP, I can really relate to your feelings of inadequacy and your tendency to avoid people out of fear that you'll be hurt.

    I'm certain you are a strong, intelligent, capable, wonderful person. Some people may not recognize those qualities in you, but that doesn't mean they don't exist.

    I also have had better luck laying low and waiting for people to befriend me instead of actively seeking friends. Good luck and keep your chin up!

  8. #8
    Senior Member Lacey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ectuse View Post
    I initial thought I was a INTP and made a foolish decision to post on INTPc, not realizing how poor my esteem really was. I wanted to somehow mesh as I made a lot of posts, at the same time as being true to myself.

    I didn't realize how sensitive I really was, as my expressions were seen as annoying to a few, and eventually I tripped a flame wire. I just couldn't back out, and at the same time wanted to gather opinion of my posts, to no avail...
    I used to think I was INTP too. I used to lurk on INTPc... I'm not surprised by their reactions to you. :rolleyes2: There are just some pretty terrible people there, and it has nothing to do with their type.
    I want to get better and figured posting can help, but I find it difficult to act like a rational and what I think are decent metaphors are being perceived as childish by a good number I think.
    That's awesome! It's always hard to step out there, but don't worry! I'm sure there will be plenty of people here who will accept you and appreciate your input.
    I have now decided on attending a local college, but now fear my inept due to this event.
    You should definitely go to college. College has been one of the most socially challenging things for me, ever, but it's been so worth it. I've just tried my best to be honest and be myself at school. It's definitely ruffled some peoples' feathers, but I've also made really, really good friends.
    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Just keep fighting. I think as INFPs we do have a fighting nature underneath all the uncertainty. Ultimately, we will find a new avenue for survival. Bootcamp didn't work, INTPc didn't work, well, keep looking for a new path. Lose the idea that you will "fit" anywhere completely and embrace being the oddball in situations. Let people come to you. I've found seeking others out always leaves me feeling rejected and disappointed. If I just go about being me, I draw people who value who I am. It's a slow and lonely process, but it's the only way I have made any successful connections with people. I don't know if it is an INFP thing, but somehow reaching out to others can result in us getting smacked away. Since we're so sensitive, it's very traumatizing, and then we withdraw & become negative & don't attract anyone.
    +919873572309741345

    Really, OrangeAppled, you are awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ectuse View Post
    This conflict was just a clash of values nothing more. I think It is difficult communicating to intellectual elitists, thus to my shame... Blunted social apt leading to naivety I suppose. I do not wish to be criticized, however, as I am still trying to get better from my avoidance issues.
    Heh, most of those "elitists" actually have no idea what they're talking about. It's hard when people try to make you feel like your point of view and what you have to say isn't good enough, or invalid... It really gets me down sometimes. But then I realize these people, really, are not that important to me.

  9. #9
    Junior Member Ectuse's Avatar
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    Default

    Thanks for the posts, I have realized that leadership can also define cultural trends. For example, I have noticed a tendency for the banning of flamers on the INTJ forum.

    Communication on the internet can be complicated I have to admit. Being naturally sensitive makes it easy to read people in person, but simply makes it more difficult online, this hinders my ability to communicate online greatly. I think it might be difficult for me to form any bonds online, so if I want to stop being a hermit, there really is no other option then college for me. Pain has taught me pragmatism.

    As for the question of my boot camp experience... Well that isn't a good topic now is it. Suffice to say, I have grown quite fond of existentialism.
    4w5=6 RLUEI

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by FireyPheonix View Post
    Not meaning to come across as ignorant, but what's boot camp?
    It sounds like Ectuse is talking about basic training for the military.

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