[INFP] Potential INFP Problem...

[Ectuse]

I have spent six years in isolation. After a series of panic attacks, I decided to be more social online as I have no personal contacts who understand me. I initial thought I was a INTP and made a foolish decision to post on INTPc, not realizing how poor my esteem really was. I wanted to somehow mesh as I made a lot of posts, at the same time as being true to myself.

I didn't realize how sensitive I really was, as my expressions were seen as annoying to a few, and eventually I tripped a flame wire. I just couldn't back out, and at the same time wanted to gather opinion of my posts, to no avail...

Due to the effect, my emotions are now quite unstable, I fear due to my constant isolation since childhood, as well as my lack of any sort of relationship, has helped render me extremely inept socially. I want to get better and figured posting can help, but I find it difficult to act like a rational and what I think are decent metaphors are being perceived as childish by a good number I think. I also forgot to mention this issue has sprawled out before on online chatting which was why it was a long time since I chatted at all online.

Posting after realizing I am a INFP might have been strictly out of habit. I think one reason why I might have had a lingering attachment to rationals was, that I was raised with this idea that I was supposed to be a nerd, as I enjoyed playing on the computer. I of course do not think I can go back to INTPc after this.

Comments?

 

[OrangeAppled]

Just keep fighting. I think as INFPs we do have a fighting nature underneath all the uncertainty. Ultimately, we will find a new avenue for survival. Bootcamp didn't work, INTPc didn't work, well, keep looking for a new path. Lose the idea that you will "fit" anywhere completely and embrace being the oddball in situations. Let people come to you. I've found seeking others out always leaves me feeling rejected and disappointed. If I just go about being me, I draw people who value who I am. It's a slow and lonely process, but it's the only way I have made any successful connections with people. I don't know if it is an INFP thing, but somehow reaching out to others can result in us getting smacked away. Since we're so sensitive, it's very traumatizing, and then we withdraw & become negative & don't attract anyone.

If you want to go to a local college, then go, and learn and do your thing, and maybe people will notice you & maybe they won't.

 

[Ectuse]

That definitely sounds like a good idea. Trying to make friends has always failed when I was on the offensive.

 

[Owl]

I washed out of basic training about six years ago too!

Maybe the exclamation point is inappropriate? dunno.

I think you should go for it. (I mean college).

I don't know what happened at INTPc, but I'm tempted go find out. Don't let it worry you. Take from it what you can, and move on.

Like I said, I washed out too. It was devastating. Not only that, but I too am totally socially inept, and my first years in college were... awkward, but I've found my college experience to be invaluable. It's helped me grow as a person in so many ways, and my quality of life is exponentially better now than it was before I went.

I'm still horrible at social interaction, but I've learned that not all persons have identical personalities, and my unique personality enables me to make a unique and valuable contribution. So, even if you don't become a master of social etiquette, you won't be a failure. Indeed, you may find that you've the ability to master something the social butterflies can't master but is absolutely essential to social life. But, in order not to fail, you have to at least try to succeed.

I hope things get better for you.

 

[Ectuse]

I personally do not like those who insulted me, but it was a learning experience (albeit a painful one). I believe I know why another INTP forum was made, divided by principles no doubt. I think it is more of a issue with the community not the type, though this is just a personal belief. I am glad I had the courage to make this thread at least, it is very difficult to do such for myself.

This conflict was just a clash of values nothing more. I think It is difficult communicating to intellectual elitists, thus to my shame... Blunted social apt leading to naivety I suppose. I do not wish to be criticized, however, as I am still trying to get better from my avoidance issues.

 

[CrystalViolet]

Not meaning to come across as ignorant, but what's boot camp?
Ectuse, you'll find that there is more than a few INFP's who are boarder line and INTP's that are vice versa.
As for being sensitive, well, it can sneak up on you. I tend to walk a fine line, not always successfully...it's not obvious sometimes as I can be blunt, and some what insensitive to things that others are sensitive too (I can watch open heart surgery on T.V. while eating for instance).
As for socially inept, we are awkward buggers. I've gotten better as I've gotten older, and with the right bunch of people, it doesn't matter anyway.
I'd like to reply to the rest of your post, but words are escaping me today. Anyway welcome, and go to college....It was an awakening for me both socially and intellectually.

 

[Wiley45]

Congrats to you for having the courage to continue posting. I'm sure some people don't understand, but being an INFP, I can really relate to your feelings of inadequacy and your tendency to avoid people out of fear that you'll be hurt.

I'm certain you are a strong, intelligent, capable, wonderful person. Some people may not recognize those qualities in you, but that doesn't mean they don't exist.

I also have had better luck laying low and waiting for people to befriend me instead of actively seeking friends. Good luck and keep your chin up!

 

[Lacey]

I initial thought I was a INTP and made a foolish decision to post on INTPc, not realizing how poor my esteem really was. I wanted to somehow mesh as I made a lot of posts, at the same time as being true to myself.

I didn't realize how sensitive I really was, as my expressions were seen as annoying to a few, and eventually I tripped a flame wire. I just couldn't back out, and at the same time wanted to gather opinion of my posts, to no avail...

I used to think I was INTP too. I used to lurk on INTPc... I'm not surprised by their reactions to you. There are just some pretty terrible people there, and it has nothing to do with their type.

I want to get better and figured posting can help, but I find it difficult to act like a rational and what I think are decent metaphors are being perceived as childish by a good number I think.

That's awesome! It's always hard to step out there, but don't worry! I'm sure there will be plenty of people here who will accept you and appreciate your input.

I have now decided on attending a local college, but now fear my inept due to this event.

You should definitely go to college. College has been one of the most socially challenging things for me, ever, but it's been so worth it. I've just tried my best to be honest and be myself at school. It's definitely ruffled some peoples' feathers, but I've also made really, really good friends.

Just keep fighting. I think as INFPs we do have a fighting nature underneath all the uncertainty. Ultimately, we will find a new avenue for survival. Bootcamp didn't work, INTPc didn't work, well, keep looking for a new path. Lose the idea that you will "fit" anywhere completely and embrace being the oddball in situations. Let people come to you. I've found seeking others out always leaves me feeling rejected and disappointed. If I just go about being me, I draw people who value who I am. It's a slow and lonely process, but it's the only way I have made any successful connections with people. I don't know if it is an INFP thing, but somehow reaching out to others can result in us getting smacked away. Since we're so sensitive, it's very traumatizing, and then we withdraw & become negative & don't attract anyone.

+919873572309741345

Really, OrangeAppled, you are awesome.

This conflict was just a clash of values nothing more. I think It is difficult communicating to intellectual elitists, thus to my shame... Blunted social apt leading to naivety I suppose. I do not wish to be criticized, however, as I am still trying to get better from my avoidance issues.

Heh, most of those "elitists" actually have no idea what they're talking about. It's hard when people try to make you feel like your point of view and what you have to say isn't good enough, or invalid... It really gets me down sometimes. But then I realize these people, really, are not that important to me.

 

[Ectuse]

Thanks for the posts, I have realized that leadership can also define cultural trends. For example, I have noticed a tendency for the banning of flamers on the INTJ forum.

Communication on the internet can be complicated I have to admit. Being naturally sensitive makes it easy to read people in person, but simply makes it more difficult online, this hinders my ability to communicate online greatly. I think it might be difficult for me to form any bonds online, so if I want to stop being a hermit, there really is no other option then college for me. Pain has taught me pragmatism.

As for the question of my boot camp experience... Well that isn't a good topic now is it. Suffice to say, I have grown quite fond of existentialism.

 

[Biaxident]

Not meaning to come across as ignorant, but what's boot camp?

It sounds like Ectuse is talking about basic training for the military.

 

[Ectuse]

This isn't working... I have decided to terminate my posting career, as communication through the internet is far too difficult for one such as I. I shall be seeking as they say, "greener pastors". Note that I do not believe that typology should be taken for granted, I would sooner trust my intuition, which is not digital apparently...

 

[Polaris]

I think I know who you are. If I'm right, I sent you a kind rep comment at INTPc.

. . . But yes, I relate to a lot of what you've said. And I think you'll find that you get along a lot better here--so don't leave so brashly. One of the things that you have to keep in mind is that INTPc is not . . . Well, let's put it this way--INTPs are not fond of any kind of drama. They're uncomfortable with it because it interferes with their natural habitat, which is the calm, detached Ti. Add to that their inferior function, which is Fe. Fe is very group-oriented, and when it's in a weaker position, as it is in INTPs, it can be quite merciless. It wants to get rid of the foreign element that is disturbing the comfortable group dynamic. At INTPc, that was you, since you did not--truth be told--fit in. Here there are other kinds of people who will probably be able to relate to you, so you should give it a chance.

 

[Ectuse]

I realize this and I do not. Basically, I rely too much on my intuition in interaction, I made a bad initial assessment due to this fact. I got too playful on that forum looking for harmony, and those I can relate with. I do not understand calculatory measures taken to the exact behavior such as "INTP therefore", I only suppose that these people can vary due to circumstances and self perception. Furthermore, a culture can be morphed in accordance to administration in extent. My reasoning is that the internet is very tricky when it comes to assessing interaction and interacting appropriately; perhaps interacting on the internet should become a academic course in school. I know I should have studied their habits but I was uncertain of the variation, as well as possible reaction. I also do not know literally how most would have reacted and whether or not people there have a desire for popularity. My period in isolation and lack of experience posting has also hindered me here. I have learned that my anger at sensors has been misplaced; Intellectual elitists are just as bad if not worse for me. I feel like insulting them but I am above that, I cannot even clarify how serious one is through a computer. If it was in person I would have easily brushed it off. Final note, I personally do not feel obliged to thinking of humans as serial numbers.

I might of befriended a few "silent" ones perhaps? I would also like to point out how I "hated" feelers when I was mistyped INTJ. Do I seem too inane and insipid?

 

[Wiley45]

I don't know if this is helpful at all, but for what it's worth ...

I have a lot of hyper-sensitivity and anxiety over what people think about me, and I'm trying to work through it and get past it. I even experience it online.

I had an interesting conversation with an INTP friend yesterday that turned into a bit of an argument. The INTP got annoyed with me and refused to continue talking. (Strike one, I suck.)

Then, I posted here about the argument because I wanted to figure out where I went wrong and what the INTP's thought process might have been, and a few people said that my post was stupid. (Strike two, I still suck.) Most people I know would brush those comments off, but I have to remind myself to brush them off. I was going to leave this forum altogether, but decided to stick around, and I actually found that there are some very patient and helpful people here, and they helped me find the information I was seeking.

Perhaps if you stick around, you'll find some people with whom you connect. Sure, there will always be rude people or people who don't understand you, but if you leave, maybe you'll miss the real gems! (You're right that it's hard to understand people's tone from posts on the Internet, but I think it's something that can be learned, and if you stay and get to know people, you might find that it becomes easier to understand them once you get used to their writing personality.) Already, I find your posts interesting and I would enjoy coming to understand more of your perspective on life.

 

[Costrin]

This isn't working... I have decided to terminate my posting career, as communication through the internet is far too difficult for one such as I. I shall be seeking as they say, "greener pastors". Note that I do not believe that typology should be taken for granted, I would sooner trust my intuition, which is not digital apparently...

Nuu, don't leave.

I got too playful on that forum looking for harmony, and those I can relate with.

Well, it's hard to be too silly on this forum. Hence why I like it here.

Then, I posted here about the argument because I wanted to figure out where I went wrong and what the INTP's thought process might have been, and a few people said that my post was stupid.

Well I didn't think your post was stupid.

 

[Wiley45]

Well I didn't think your post was stupid.

I know, and you made my day being one of the first people to take me seriously (and have some fun with the thread, though not at my expense.) Thanks.

(Actually, most people either took me seriously or had innocent fun with the thread. It's just a personal thing that I tend to focus on the slightly negative stuff.)

 

[Ectuse]

I did not literally mean I was being silly, on the contrary I was quite serious. I read somewhere that INTPs can have a Metaphysical bent, say eccentric, poetic, and philosophical. I sensed hardly anything like that, It was like the borg collective there. To be impolite, I sensed mental disorders in association with the word "INTP" on that forum. Actually, this reminds me of the gythanki (might be spelled wrong) in D&D.

 

[Costrin]

I did not literally mean I was being silly, on the contrary I was quite serious. I read somewhere that INTPs can have a Metaphysical bent, say eccentric, poetic, and philosophical. I sensed hardly anything like that, It was like the borg collective there.

Indeed. INTPc sucks the soul out of people.

But rly. Silliness is gud. Yoo shud tri eet.

 

[PeaceBaby]

Resistance is futile ...

(Sorry couldn't resist that) - do stay awhile, there seem to be lots of friendly and interesting folks here.

 

[Wiley45]

I did not literally mean I was being silly, on the contrary I was quite serious. I read somewhere that INTPs can have a Metaphysical bent, say eccentric, poetic, and philosophical. I sensed hardly anything like that, It was like the borg collective there.

Oh, the INTP's I know in person are definitely eccentric, poetic, and philosophical. I wonder if it's a bit different relating to people on the Internet as opposed to real life interactions. I've also noticed that at least two of my INTP friends are not poetic and philosophical in groups of people, but they are in one on one conversations. I don't know if this applies to many INTP's or if it's more of an individual thing.

The INTP's I know in real life are also very sarcastic and can make cutting remarks, but when they do it in person it's easier to get the sense of "joking" and unimportance attached to these remarks. On the Internet, those same types of remarks can feel unusually cruel to me. An INTP friend of mine has conversations with me via instant messenger, and I'm often astounded at how rude he is. If I talk to him on skype, however, and I can see his facial expressions, I realize it's just his way of being goofy and he means no harm. If I remind myself to take what he says with a grain of salt, it helps.