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[ENFP] ENFPs: Hopeless Flirts?

seeker22

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As an ENFP, I am often times accused of being a hopeless flirt... In my mind, I'm simply playfully engaging others and giving them attention. My ex gf (SJ) and I would get in huge fights over this for the five years we were together. (And btw no I never cheated) She said I had no "emotional boundaries." What really sucks is when you think you are just being fun and nice, and the other person mistakes it for genuine romantic interest. Others?
 

Wild horses

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I think the whole 'ENFPs are hopeless flirts' is a complete myth and I am sooo with you on the playful front... No one wanna have fun anymore without turning it into true feeling... I blame Oprah :steam:
 

Nonsensical

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Yeah, I think so. I find myself "flirting" or what others may percieve as flirting, with lots of people, even unintentionally. It's just our nature, I guess.
 

kyuuei

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^ all the time. It's even worse with the opposite sex, but the definitions of flirting just seem genuinely different between people.

Recently a friend and I were debating whether it was appropriate if his girlfriend hangs out alone at all with another man, one of her best friends. He thinks not, the act is innappropriate now that she's a taken woman. I think that it's silly to change your ways based on a new and unfounded relationship. The perspectives are neither wrong nor right, just different.

A lot of problems occur though for me, however, when guy friends think I'm flirting with them.. and I am genuinely just being nice. Often it goes over my head when men flirt with me as well, as I don't consider nice behavior and such along flirty.

I'm a pretty blunt person in my own shy way. If I'm flirting with someone, I'm basically asking for sex.. or for a potential date. Anything less than that is nice behavior. Definitely there's joking flirting, fake flirting, pseudo flirting, half-flirting.. I'm running my mouth now lol.

My point is.. no one I date had better be the jealous, untrusting type. They'll be in for a long harsh ride if they are.
 

Amargith

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+1

yes I am. And proud of it :D
 

seeker22

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My point is.. no one I date had better be the jealous, untrusting type. They'll be in for a long harsh ride if they are.

BINGO!!!!!! Have some faith in your ENFPs people! You have to know they are going home with YOU and just be flattered by the attention they get from others. =) Take it as a compliment.
 

MacGuffin

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What's wrong with flirts?
 

kyuuei

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^ I'm not sure.

Anyways.. There was a thread started a while back concerning ENFPs and being prone to cheating. I definitely agreed that we may be more prone than, say, SJ types, if you go purely based on type.

My point entirely was that people in general are capable of cheating.. humans are necessarily born monogamous. We choose that lifestyle based on more than nature.. It's a person's characters and morals that keep them from cheating.

Someone who is the jealous type ... it makes for a stressful lifestyle to end up trying to date someone that you knew beforehand to be flirtacious.
 

Wild horses

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I really can't see how ENFPs are more prone to cheating that other types.. Even SJs... I just reckon they are more thorough in their cover up and so less likley to get caught
 

seeker22

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Yeah... my ex LOVED that I was a playful flirt when she first met me! That same quality she ended up HATING! Funny how that happens - even when you KNOW what you are getting into - the very thing that attracted you, repels you.

Take for example the INTP I am pursuing at the moment... I am becoming involved knowing full well she is emotionally aloof. For right now, the "chase" is fun - but down the road - I can already tell this is going to spell trouble when my F rears its ugly head and collides with her T! ;)
 
V

violaine

Guest
Someone who is the jealous type ... it makes for a stressful lifestyle to end up trying to date someone that you knew beforehand to be flirtacious.

I agree, though I don't know if I'm the jealous type. My problem with flirting (if we are dating) is that the person they are flirting with often takes it seriously. And quite rightly. That really annoys me. It feels especially disrespectful/humiliating if done in front of me or if I find out that the other person has developed feelings for my b/f. I balk at having a relationship with someone who can't not flirt.

How do ENFPs feel if your partners flirt with others? How do you feel if your partners ask you not to do it? If you flirt, why do you think you do? (I have to go out but would love to read some answers tomorrow... I can't see how an ENFP would not perceive it as hurtful to their partner?)
 

kyuuei

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^ Well, as I said, I based my statement on pure type.. If we were looking at the stereotypical ENFP, as a stereotypical human being.. I could see it. And I definitely am aware that my single ENFP friends have total different morals than when they are engaged in a relationship. So I said I could see it as likely.

I believe it is our morals and our own decisions as people and characters that play a big role in pulling the reigns on potential exploits while in a relationship. We respect people a lot, and we seem to have a decent amount of empathy that keeps us back as well.
 

marmandahalf

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Take for example the INTP I am pursuing at the moment... I am becoming involved knowing full well she is emotionally aloof. For right now, the "chase" is fun - but down the road - I can already tell this is going to spell trouble when my F rears its ugly head and collides with her T! ;)

You should date an ENTP. A fun time will be had by all- until it isn't.
 

kyuuei

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I agree, though I don't know if I'm the jealous type. My problem with flirting (if we are dating) is that the person they are flirting with often takes it seriously. And quite rightly. That really annoys me. It feels especially disrespectful/humiliating if done in front of me or if I find out that the other person has developed feelings for my b/f. I balk at having a relationship with someone who can't not flirt.

How do ENFPs feel if your partners flirt with others? How do you feel if your partners ask you not to do it? If you flirt, why do you think you do? (I have to go out but would love to read some answers tomorrow... I can't see how an ENFP would not perceive it as hurtful to their partner?)

THis is a good point.

If it's someone like TucsonENTP.. someone who's very nature is flirtacious. He'll openly admit to flirting with 60 year old women that run stop-n-go stores. It takes two to tango, and I'd hate to try and change a man who is who he is.

On the other hand.. I think my flirting style DOES change when I'm in a relationship. I tend to cut things off if I feel they get too far, whereas I'd let it go on in a single lifestyle. If someone was flirting in a way that was the way I would *truly* flirt, I would be upset, yes.

I had a boyfriend that was hug and tell girls they were hawt and that he'd love to have this and that.. while I stood right there. Taking advantage of the fact that I'm not the jealous type is not a good idea. Nor is it a good thing to take advantage of my understanding. Trying to push my boundaries is one of my boundaries.
 
V

violaine

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THis is a good point.

If it's someone like TucsonENTP.. someone who's very nature is flirtacious. He'll openly admit to flirting with 60 year old women that run stop-n-go stores. It takes two to tango, and I'd hate to try and change a man who is who he is.

On the other hand.. I think my flirting style DOES change when I'm in a relationship. I tend to cut things off if I feel they get too far, whereas I'd let it go on in a single lifestyle. If someone was flirting in a way that was the way I would *truly* flirt, I would be upset, yes.

I had a boyfriend that was hug and tell girls they were hawt and that he'd love to have this and that.. while I stood right there. Taking advantage of the fact that I'm not the jealous type is not a good idea. Nor is it a good thing to take advantage of my understanding. Trying to push my boundaries is one of my boundaries.

Ewww, I am sorry to hear that.

Yes, I am the same. Very easy going unless you give me a reason not to be. If given too many reasons I will be doorslamming said person. I often wonder how very flirtatious people (who don't alter their behavior in a relationship) react if their partners do it too. I have noticed they don't take to it kindly at all! Seems like a huge double standard in those cases. (Ok, really going out now.)
 

Amargith

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mine's not easily jealous as long as he comes first. And I wouldn't mind if he did the same as long as I came first as well. I don't cheat, but I tend to enjoy flirting with the edge, without ever crossing it.
 

Thursday

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People do not realize that flirting = not serious banter
So sad:(
 

alcea rosea

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As an ENFP, I am often times accused of being a hopeless flirt... In my mind, I'm simply playfully engaging others and giving them attention. My ex gf (SJ) and I would get in huge fights over this for the five years we were together. (And btw no I never cheated) She said I had no "emotional boundaries." What really sucks is when you think you are just being fun and nice, and the other person mistakes it for genuine romantic interest. Others?

I think my behavior can be seen as flirt even if it's not flirt in my opinion. I see my behavior as open, friendly and making lots of jokes. Some people can see that as flirt??? :doh:

What's wrong with flirts?

Nothing I guess. I myself wouldn't like to give wrong impression to anybody that I would be interested then in other ways than being friends because I'm happy being married and I adore my husband.

So, some people can see flirt so that the other people is really interested in them in the way that there would be something in there. I don't like that impression to anybody because I'm extremely committed to my own relationship.

I really can't see how ENFPs are more prone to cheating that other types.. Even SJs... I just reckon they are more thorough in their cover up and so less likley to get caught

I don't think ENFP's are. ENFP's behavior can be mistake of being cheat even if it's actually not.

Stop teasing me. :D

:newwink:
 

Synarch

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Oct 14, 2008
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Flirting is not without consequence. This is a recent epiphany for me. I used to think it was harmless.

Edit: After reading this, I think I understood it was not harmless. But, I did it anyway.
 
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