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[ENFP] ENFPs: Hopeless Flirts?

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
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Like attracts like. Non serious people end up being taken for granted. People who flirt a lot will attract people who just don't take them seriously or who cannot assert what they feel is right. That's the truth of the matter. And rather sad as well.

If like attracts like, then no one would be taken for granted because in essence, they would want the same things.
 

Synarch

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If like attracts like, then no one would be taken for granted because in essence, they would want the same things.

True enough. But, before we argue further, do you believe in the concept of a healthy dynamic? Or, are all consensual dynamics healthy to you?
 

Lady_X

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kind of a bit off topic...but do you think two enfps in a relationship would make each other jealous?
 

Synarch

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kind of a bit off topic...but do you think two enfps in a relationship would make each other jealous?

I think they would compete to see who could get the most attention. When they would be alone, it would probably get boring quick.
 

jenocyde

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True enough. But, before we argue further, do you believe in the concept of a healthy dynamic? Or, are all consensual dynamics healthy to you?

Honestly, I don't know what's healthy or not - I don't even know what the baseline for comparison is. I don't know what the end result should be either. You see "health" in a way that I have a hard time grasping, and vice versa. So I'm inclined to think that there is no true method or recipe for it.

I just know what makes me feel anxious and what makes me feel comfortable around another human being. With some people, I am more sensitive to certain things, where I would grant a pass for the same thing with another person.
 

Lady_X

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I think they would compete to see who could get the most attention. When they would be alone, it would probably get boring quick.

do you? well how weird...you don't just think they'd direct that energy towards each other?
 

Synarch

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do you? well how weird...you don't just think they'd direct that energy towards each other?

Both would be trying to dig into the other and if you're both digging and neither being substantive it gets boring quickly. IMO. ;)
 

Synarch

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digging? define?

I dunno. When I am with someone I tend to dig, I assume this is Ne. I imagine ENFP are similar. If both people are Ne'ing the other, I don't think this would be appealing for either. Someone would have to be the more passive party.
 

Lady_X

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i think we'd take turns and it would be awesome! maybe...haha
 

sculpting

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I dunno. When I am with someone I tend to dig, I assume this is Ne. I imagine ENFP are similar. If both people are Ne'ing the other, I don't think this would be appealing for either. Someone would have to be the more passive party.

I cant hang too much in real life with other enfps. It becomes too scatterred.

however I totally hang with entps.

Ne-Fi loves to play with Ne-Ti and visa versa. It's the logic feeding off the random idea generator in the enfp.

dig painfully or dig interestedly?
 

Gamine

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On the accusal of enfp flirting, I have a theory.

We are all so separated by our own perceptions of differences from each other (that "otherness" feeling) that when someone (like an awesome ENFP) can cut through the garbage and engage someone, look them in the eyes, really listen to them, it is so alien to their normal interactions that it can only be understood as flirting. These are normal interactions for these people, and they are truly interested and empathetic. I think this accusal and issue says a lot more about our collective loneliness and human desire for attention and appreciation, than it does the limitations of social conduct.

I would ideally like to see more people taking social cues from ENFPesque people and forgetting about barriers to truly connect. While an ENFP might be criticized for being superficial and flighty in their relationships, I'm grateful they are able to spread so much of their brand of love around, because apparently we need it. Asking someone questions, listening to them, and being somehow emotional invested in someone should not be flirting.
 

Moiety

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ENFP's are not fair! They flirt and then when you flirt back as soon as they get a hint that you are serious, they run away! :doh: Soooo not fair...

Sorry for leading you on Dave :(

That's the point. It's not about you. It's about them. It's to fill the need.

Does any other type have urges satisfied at the expense of others (no I don't mean rough sex)?

I'm not saying we do need to flirt btw.

How do you justify it when you insult someone as a joke, coz that's your type of bantering, and they take it seriously? And why do you feel the need to insult them in the first place? It's pretty much the same thing imo.

This.

Synarch, the great thing about typology is that for every generalization about a type there's an analogous one for at least one other type.


On the surface they probably see it as "connecting with others" or "being friendly", but when you scratch the surface it's usually a need to be liked above all else. This has to come from the outside as they cannot get it from within because that would require introspection and strength.

We do have a need to be liked. That's not news. That's human nature. And you don't fully grasp Fi if you think we can't be fueled from within. How many ENFPs have you met that went against their principles just to be accepted?

I agree that everyone should be responsible for their actions and not hide behind "this is how I am" all the time, but you seem very bitter. Blue too. This kind of remark isn't going to help you "get to the bottom of this".

You are writing between the lines instead of trying to read between the lines.
 
Last edited:

Lady_X

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On the accusal of enfp flirting, I have a theory.

We are all so separated by our own perceptions of differences from each other (that "otherness" feeling) that when someone (like an awesome ENFP) can cut through the garbage and engage someone, look them in the eyes, really listen to them, it is so alien to their normal interactions that it can only be understood as flirting. These are normal interactions for these people, and they are truly interested and empathetic. I think this accusal and issue says a lot more about our collective loneliness and human desire for attention and appreciation, than it does the limitations of social conduct.

I would ideally like to see more people taking social cues from ENFPesque people and forgetting about barriers to truly connect. While an ENFP might be criticized for being superficial and flighty in their relationships, I'm grateful they are able to spread so much of their brand of love around, because apparently we need it. Asking someone questions, listening to them, and being somehow emotional invested in someone should not be flirting.

okay you i love...let's make out. :smooch:
 
V

violaine

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On the accusal of enfp flirting, I have a theory.

We are all so separated by our own perceptions of differences from each other (that "otherness" feeling) that when someone (like an awesome ENFP) can cut through the garbage and engage someone, look them in the eyes, really listen to them, it is so alien to their normal interactions that it can only be understood as flirting. These are normal interactions for these people, and they are truly interested and empathetic. I think this accusal and issue says a lot more about our collective loneliness and human desire for attention and appreciation, than it does the limitations of social conduct.

I would ideally like to see more people taking social cues from ENFPesque people and forgetting about barriers to truly connect. While an ENFP might be criticized for being superficial and flighty in their relationships, I'm grateful they are able to spread so much of their brand of love around, because apparently we need it. Asking someone questions, listening to them, and being somehow emotional invested in someone should not be flirting.

That isn't flirting though as I understood we were discussing it... I engage with people the way you have described as well. I am all for building warm relationships!
 

Gamine

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And these people being worried (either as an ENFP, or someone in a relationship with an ENFP) I think it comes down to communication. An ex of mine was an ENFP, and we used to work rooms together. We would go around, get stories, collect people, and by the end of the night have then doing some sort of dance choreographed by us. We had so many amazing experiences like that, where we connected with people (on different levels) and our perspectives were the most Nedelicious thing together.

That being said, he loved to push my boundaries as well. Going out together, sometimes he would launch into full on flirting (lots of physical contact, whispering, hand holding, cheek kissing) with the intent to make me jealous, or to get a reaction out of me. My only reaction would be to laugh at him and walk away. I'm not saying all ENFP's do this, this particular one had a severe issue with getting attention from others (negative and positive) and I found out later that he had been cheating with other girls for 2/3 of the relationship. His reasoning was that I wasn't jealous enough for him, that I didn't yell or hit or cry when he did these things, that he was sad that I didn't care enough to be jealous. My reasoning: If someone wants to be with someone else, I'm not going to stop them. I only expect that they will have the decency to tell me before it happens :)


People are giving you guys bad names. Let's go give them stern stares.
 

Lady_X

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yeah...for real...i'm not going to stop anyone either. if they need me to freak out and tell them to stop it's just not going to work that's some weird twisted game that i refuse to play...if you want to be with me...fucking act like it...or go be with someone else.
 

Synarch

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And these people being worried (either as an ENFP, or someone in a relationship with an ENFP) I think it comes down to communication. An ex of mine was an ENFP, and we used to work rooms together. We would go around, get stories, collect people, and by the end of the night have then doing some sort of dance choreographed by us. We had so many amazing experiences like that, where we connected with people (on different levels) and our perspectives were the most Nedelicious thing together.

That being said, he loved to push my boundaries as well. Going out together, sometimes he would launch into full on flirting (lots of physical contact, whispering, hand holding, cheek kissing) with the intent to make me jealous, or to get a reaction out of me. My only reaction would be to laugh at him and walk away. I'm not saying all ENFP's do this, this particular one had a severe issue with getting attention from others (negative and positive) and I found out later that he had been cheating with other girls for 2/3 of the relationship. His reasoning was that I wasn't jealous enough for him, that I didn't yell or hit or cry when he did these things, that he was sad that I didn't care enough to be jealous. My reasoning: If someone wants to be with someone else, I'm not going to stop them. I only expect that they will have the decency to tell me before it happens :)


People are giving you guys bad names. Let's go give them stern stares.

You're not really helping the cause of the flirters.
 

jenocyde

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His reasoning was that I wasn't jealous enough for him, that I didn't yell or hit or cry when he did these things, that he was sad that I didn't care enough to be jealous. My reasoning: If someone wants to be with someone else, I'm not going to stop them. I only expect that they will have the decency to tell me before it happens :)

Sorry twink (and all the others who expressed similar sentiments...) :hug:

It sucks to be betrayed. I am very partial to ENFP men for that crazy Ne connection and warm, congenial nature - but I've never truly let myself fall for one. The "leading your body with your heart" thing doesn't feel so secure to me. I value commitments and I don't take them lightly, I could never just "fall" for someone else, or "accidentally" cheat, or hurt someone because I was hurt. Not everyone out there is like that, but it is prevalent. Oh well, back to the drawing board, right?
 

Salomé

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I found out later that he had been cheating with other girls for 2/3 of the relationship. His reasoning was that I wasn't jealous enough for him, that I didn't yell or hit or cry when he did these things, that he was sad that I didn't care enough to be jealous.
Jesus!
NF rationalizations suck ass.
My reasoning: If someone wants to be with someone else, I'm not going to stop them. I only expect that they will have the decency to tell me before it happens :)
+100001

you seem very bitter. Blue too.

Synarch seems blue, or Blue seems bitter?

Five minutes ago you were agreeing with me! Fickle ENFPs.....;)

I still :heart: them tho.
 
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